Ashyboy, I love you (AshxGary and palletshipping) (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 9: Act Appalled

Ash detangled from Gary's naked body and rolled out of bed, stumbling over the bags strewn about all over the room. "Fuck," he whispered to himself with a whine, walking into the adjoined bathroom to see it was almost completely empty of all of Gary's personal belongings.

Ash looked at himself in the mirror with a soft almost inaudible sigh, "Fuck," he whispered again, running a hand through his messy hair as he continued to stare at himself, covered in all sorts of marks from the night before. Marks that would most likely only make him remember Gary's hands and mouth all over long after he left.

He was mad, he was so fucking mad that Gary was still going through with leaving even though they both had confessed and spent the rest of the week together never better. "Ash?" Gary called out with a voice thick with sleep. "I'm in the bathroom," he weakly shouted back, wiping the moisture from his eyes before Gary could come in and see him.

Ash would never live it down if he got caught crying, that would wait until Gary was very much gone and very much not coming back anytime soon. "What do you want for breakfast?" Gary asked as he slowly walked into the bathroom, not noticing Ash slowly crumbling internally.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Ash mumbled, leaning up to press a quick kiss to Gary's cheek before heading out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom to find his clothes so he could get dressed. "Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?" Gary asked with an airy chuckle, wrapping his arms around Ash's waist and pulled him closer.

"I'm gonna get dressed so I'm not walking around naked, reeking of sex," he snapped, biting his lip when he realized he was taking out everything on Gary on their last morning together.

"Ashy, relax, gramps isn't gonna be back till later on." Ash tugged his jeans on without underwear and swatted at Gary's hands on him. "I don't think you fucking get it! I don't want you to leave, I don't want to say goodbye, I – I don't – I can't deal with this." he whispered shakily, backing away from Gary with a whimper.

"I can't, I can't, I can't." he just repeated to himself over and over again. "I – I'm gonna go, okay? I hope you have a safe trip back home and uh, tell Professor Oak I'm sorry I didn't stay long enough for him to come home."

"Stop," he hissed venomously, grabbing Ash by his arm to keep him in place. "Don't fuck up this day because you're scared, I wont have it."

"Good thing you're not in fucking control of me, you cunt." Ash shouted back, throwing a punch with his free hand, grinning in triumph when Gary stumbled backwards and tripped over a suitcase.

"I'm sorry I'm a coward," he admitted softly, hair hiding his eyes from sight. "I'm sorry I can't say goodbye, I'm so terribly sorry I can't be with you and kiss you before you leave. I'm just so sorry," he mumbled barely understandable.

Gary watched Ash flee the room and the house was dead silent for a few moments longer before he heard the front door slam and that's when the day got really bad.

Ash ran all the way to his house, refusing to cry before he was in the safety of his room and when he knew his mother wouldn't be around to constantly check up on him.

"Hey, did Gary leave yet?" She asked lovingly, the exact fucking moment he walked through the door.

"Don't know, don't care," he shrugged, faking a cute smile at her as he kicked his shoes off and ran upstairs, shouting over his shoulder. "I think I might invite Brock and Misty over," it was a total lie, but he figured it would buy him some alone time at the very least as he locked himself up in his room and headed over to the bathroom.

He stared at all the dark purple marks all along his chest with a soft sigh, biting his lip to keep from crying because at this point it just wasn't worth the effort, it wouldn't make the ache in his chest go away.

"I'm not worth him," he mumbled to himself as he continued to stare in the reflection. "It's selfish for me to want him to stay, he can do so much better,"

After several long fucking minutes of talking himself into a further depression he headed out of the bathroom and crawled into bed, bundling himself up in the dark.

He stayed like that for months, only leaving the bed when it was absolutely necessary, not seeing his friends, not even playing with his Pokemon like he usually did.

Ash was lurking through his emails when he found one dated from about a week ago from the last and first person on earth he wanted to talk to at the time.

To: Ash Ketchum

From: Gary Oak

Subject: Your phone's been off for months..

Hey, Ashy-boy,

I haven't heard from you in months, I asked Brock how you were doing and he let me know that you haven't really left your house in months and everyone's worried about you. I'm even worried, crazy right?

You really should go outside and get some sun, I bet you look pasty as fuck and it's not a good look, eh? I've been working a lot, I've been missing you terribly and I haven't been able to get the last things you said to me out of my head since I left. I haven't stopped thinking about how I didn't even get the chance to kiss you again, I didn't get the chance to do a lot of things I wanted.

I don't even know if you'll read this, fuck, I don't even know if you'll reply but I wanted you to know I have been thinking about you and I've been faithful, if that matters.

I love you, Ashy-boy, remember that.

-Gary.

Ash sighed softly to himself as he closed the email and refreshed his messages to make sure he didn't miss anything before he closed his laptop, and shockingly another email from Gary had popped up while he read the last one.

To: Ash Ketchum

From: Gary Oak

Subject: Did you read my last message?

Hey, Ashy-boy,

I've been sitting here all week obsessively checking my emails to see if you replied and you didn't (shocker) I just wanted to update you on my week, I got a promotion, isn't that rad? I might get transferred a little closer to Pallet Town if you wanted to see me or something?

I really, really, really want to see you and I'm fucking sitting here like a little damn girl trying to get you to talk to me, this isn't at all how I usually am. Your silence is completely frustrating and I just don't know why you won't at least message me back with a fuck you so I can maybe move on or something. Anything, Ash, please. Just give me something, it's all I really need.

I haven't even thought about sleeping with someone else, I haven't even thought about kissing anyone else. I just want you, and only you. I seriously can't tell you how shitty these past few months have been and I know you're taking them a lot harder than I am, you've always been a little baby.

Please, please, please, let me know how you're doing. I think I already know but I'd like to hear from you.

I love you, Ashy-boy.

-Gary.

Ash sniffled and wiped at his teary eyes before clicking the reply button against every shout his brain was telling him to stop.

To: Gary Oak

From: Ash Ketchum

I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine. Don't bother yourself worrying about me and just enjoy your job and go out, maybe get laid.

I don't really like the outdoors too much, I don't really like much of anything anymore. Congratulations on the promotion, I'm sure you deserved it.

I'm finally ready to say it to you, Gary.

Goodbye.

-Ash.