Made in the A.M

If I could fly

Harry couldn't cope at all. Not with his husband's drug use and partying every other night and sure as hell not with Modest latest stunt. He couldn't handle it. It felt like he was going crazy, so he fled. He jumped on a plane and flew to Los Angeles to get away. He knew that he couldn't stay there forever. He couldn't leave Louis anyway. He loved him. They were married and nothing was Louis's fault. He just needed to get away for a while to breathe and to get some perspective.

Louis was probably too high to care anyway. How did they get here? The day of their marriage had been one of the happiest days of their lives. Was this Modest way of getting back at them?

He cried a lot. A stunt girlfriend was one thing but a stunt baby? That poor child. What would this do to him or her when it got older? Harry tried to picture his future with Louis but all he could see was darkness. Would they get through this? Together? They just had to. A life without Louis by his side was unthinkable. But Louis was falling apart and he didn't know how to fix it, how to help him.

He used the only coping mechanism he knew and poured his heart out in a song. It was the most honest he had ever been in his lyric writing and he wrote it all for Louis. When he was done he got on a plane back home. Louis needed him. Modest plan was about to be put in motion and Louis had to go out with this girl a couple of times so they could announce her pregnancy later on. Harry snorted out loud and the people around him on the plane gave him an odd look. If they only knew what he was thinking about. 

He took a cab to their secret house as soon as he landed. He had been gone for a week. Louis hadn't called him and he had stayed off the phone as well. He needed time and space to think.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside and dropped his bags. He walked into the living room. Louis was sitting on the couch and he looked up and their eyes met. Louis burst out crying and Harry rushed to take him in his arms.
"I...I t-thought y-y-you left m-me." Louis managed to get out between sobs.

"I love you, Louis. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry. I just needed some time to think."

"About?" Louis asked and tried to wipe away his tears with his sweater paws. Harry noticed that he was wearing his sweatshirt, which was way too big for him.

"Us, this new situation, your drug use. I can see that you're high Lou and that worries me more than anything." Harry said softly.

"It's just weed. I needed to come down." Louis said.

"Which means that you took something else before that. It scares the hell out of me Lou. If you continue down that road you won't be able to stop. You'll be addicted. Is that what you want?" Harry asked.

"No! Of course not." Louis immediately said.

"I don't want that either. You're playing with fire Boobear and it won't end well. You could die!" Harry said upset.

"I'm sorry Haz. I'm stupid. I know that. It just makes me feel good you know? Like nothing else matters at that moment." Louis tried to explain.

"Like I don't matter?" Harry had to ask.

Louis's eyes grew big.
"No baby! You always matter! I love you so much."

"Good. I hope that's enough." Harry sighed. He hesitated before he added. "I wrote a song for you that I need you to hear."

"I'd love to. Will you play it for me?" Louis pleaded with a smile.

Harry pecked his lips briefly before he got up to get his guitar. He came back and took a seat and started to play a soft melody, and then he began to sing. Louis listened to every word.

If I could fly
I'd be comin' right back home to you
I think I might
Give up everything, just ask me to

Pay attention, I hope that you listen
'Cause I let my guard down
Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only
I'll show you my heart
For when you're lonely
And forget who you are
I'm missing half of me
When we're apart
Now you know me
For your eyes only
For your eyes only

I've got scars
Even though they can't always be seen
And pain gets hard
But now you're here and I don't feel a thing

Pay attention, I hope that you listen
'Cause I let my guard down
Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only
I'll show you my heart
For when you're lonely
And forget who you are
I'm missing half of me
When we're apart
Now you know me
For your eyes only
For your eyes only

I can feel your heart inside of mine
I feel it, I feel it
I've been goin' out of my mind
I feel it, I feel it
Know that I'm just wastin' time
And I hope that you don't run from me

For your eyes only
I'll show you my heart
For when you're lonely
And forget who you are
I'm missing half of me
When we're apart
Now you know me
For your eyes only

For your eyes only
I'll show you my heart
For when you're lonely
And forget who you are
I'm missing half of me
When we're apart
Now you know me
For your eyes only
For your eyes only
For your eyes only

When he was done Louis was crying like a baby.