Made in the A.M

I want to write you a song

"I asked our management for a hiatus." Harry informed them all.

He had asked for a band meeting but he refused to look at Louis.
"Yeah, it's probably for the best." Liam finally said with a sigh.

Niall started to cry and Louis didn't say a word. He was numb. And high. He barely made it through their concerts but the show had to go on. He had managed to get on stage three times and they had six more shows before the tour was finally over. He and Harry hadn't talked much.

"Okay, we still have an album to finish as well. Our writing team sent us a new song. Let's listen to it." Liam said after a while when Niall had managed to calm down.

I want to write you a song
One that's beautiful as you are sweet
With just a hint of pain
For the feeling that I get when you are gone
I want to write you a song

I want to lend you my coat
One that's as soft as your cheek
So when the world is cold
You'll have a hiding place you can go
I want to lend you my coat

Everything I need I get from you
Givin' back is all I wanna do

I want to build you a boat
One that's strong as you are free
So any time you think that your heart is gonna sink
You know it won't
I want to build you a boat

Everything I need I get from you
Givin' back is all I wanna do

Everything I need I get from you
Givin' back is all I wanna do

I want to write you a song
One to make your heart remember me
So any time I'm gone
You can listen to my voice and sing along
I want to write you a song
I want to write you a song

They didn't comment on it and returned to their hotel rooms. Louis kept to himself. He was alone in his room now. Harry had one by himself. They didn't share a dressing room either. He felt empty and lonely and absolutely miserable. He knew that Harry wasn't doing any better.

They traveled to Newcastle to do three shows there. Harry hid in his bunkbed on the tour bus and Louis stayed on the other end of the bus, consumed by self-pity. Consumed by hate towards their label and management. They did this to them.

His mum tried to call him. He understood that she was worried about him but if he talked to her he would break completely. He would tell her everything and he couldn't do that to her. He didn't want her to be ashamed of him. He was such a failure. He was weak and disgusting. No wonder Harry finally had enough.

He wished that he could fix what he had broken but there was a long road ahead of him to recovery and he could ask Harry to wait for him. He deserved so much more. Beautiful, wonderful Harry. The only boy he would ever love.

Memories of him and Harry pried their way into his mind all the time even if he tried to push those thoughts away. The first time they met in a bathroom at the X-factor and Harry had peed on his shoe. The first time they had confessed that they had a crush on each other. The first time they kissed. The first time they said I love you. The first time they made love. When they said "I do" to each other in front of their friends and families.

How could he lose track of the only thing that was important in his life? How could he drive Harry to the breaking point? How could he choose drugs before Harry, the love of his life? It was too late to fix it. His words and promises meant nothing to Harry anymore. He had to show him that they had value again. But by then it would probably be too late. Harry would have moved on before he managed to get his shit together but there was nothing he could do about that. Harry had made up his mind. 

He was still freaked out about the baby situation. He had no idea what the actual plan was and how long it would play out. Maybe he didn't have to go through with it now when they were taking a break? The thought made him more hopeful than it should and he pulled out his phone and called their management. He demanded that he needed to talk to Mr. Magee.
"Louis, what can I do for you?"

He decided to cut right to it.
"There's no need for the baby stunt now. We're going on a hiatus."

"We're still going through with it." Mr. Magee immediately answered.

"What? But why?" Louis protested.

"You're still signed to Syco and we're still your management. You're still married to Harry. You have been granted a hiatus but only for eighteen months so we still have to address the rumors and withhold your reputation." Mr. Magee explained.

"What fucking reputation? That I knocked up a random girl after a drunken one-night stand. Yeah, that's a great reputation to have." Louis snorted sarcastically.

"It's better than being gay." Mr. Magee retorted.

"I can't believe you said that you fucking homophobic asshole!" Louis shouted and hung up the phone.

Yeah, there was no getting out of that and now he had probably made an enemy for real after calling Mr. Magee out like that. He couldn't care less.