my one shots

neymar | if i could turn back time

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

I'd take back those words that hurt you

And you'd stay

My heart ached as I replayed everything I had ever said to Alice. More tears fell down my cheeks as I realised she wasn't coming back to me. I had lost her and I only had myself to blame. She had been there for me even though I was trying to push her away. Being the nice and sweet person she was, she was to oblivious of my horrible actions towards her. That was until two weeks ago when it all eventually got too much for her.

I had met Alice at the tender age of 18; I instantly knew she would be a huge part in my life. A year later she made me the happiest person on the planet by agreeing to be my girlfriend. She was my first love, my first proper girlfriend and my first heartbreak. Her tiny feet scurried across the dancefloor making her way to the seat adjacent to myself. I remember the tight black dress that hugged her body, bringing out her every curve. Her lips where enhanced by the dark red lipstick that covered each inch of her smile. The most beautiful smile that I had ever laid my eyes on.

Five years on I still recalled our first meeting clearly. She had captivated me in more ways than one and I was already determined to make her mine. The way she always laughed at my jokes, even if they weren't the best. The way she would trace kisses from my lips then along my jaw and then stopping just below my ear. She would always be in her usual spot on the couch when I returned from training, showing me her goofy grin when she knew I hadn't had the best of sessions.

I don't know why I did the things I did

I don't know why I said the things I said

Prides like a knife it can cut deep inside

Words are like weapons they wound sometimes

Even though I mentioned how perfect she was, I never showed Alice how perfect she was to me. I was too young and stupid to realize what I had that I started making mistakes. I started taking things out on her; I started abusing her loyalty and kindness she showed towards me.

I remember becoming increasingly jealous every time she would speak to someone that I didn't know. I heard her crying in our shared bathroom after an argument and I was too stupid to go apologise. A few days later I heard her sobbing whilst she was on the phone to her mother and I was too arrogant to go tell her everything will be okay, the only words that would come out of my mouth where ones that hurt her.

My mind is left with questions of what if; what if I had treated her right, what if I had loved her like she loved me. All I had left were the memories of the happier times we had spent together, when Alice's self-confidence was sky high. The way she lit up an entire room with one laugh, a bright pink colour covering her cheeks when she noticed the attention was focused on her. The tiny wrinkles that would appear on her nose when I complimented her. She spent most of her time rolling her eyes at the comments I would come out with, although sometimes I was genuinely being serious about what I was asking.

Too strong to tell you I was sorry

Too proud to tell you I was wrong

The Alice I now laid my eyes on was a totally different person. Her little girly giggle was silent when around people. Her once well shown body was now being covered by loose fitting clothing. The bright green colour in her eyes now blended in with a crowded room. The bright green eyes that now showed unhappiness and pain.

I had lost trust in her family, her friends and most importantly I had lost trust from the woman I loved the most. Everybody could see the effects my behaviour had on Alice but I was too stubborn to admit what I was doing was wrong. I was slowly destroying the person who sacrificed everything for our relationship. I had promised that I would protect her and keep her safe. I had promised to show her the love and attention that she deserved. I had promised that I was hers and only hers. I had broken all of these promises.

I didn't really mean to hurt you

I didn't want to see you go

I know I made you cry

Alice started acting different one morning before training. I had gone to wake her up with a usual good morning kiss but she just led still, not reacting to my touch. She eventually said bye with a little smile on her dry lips then continued to scan through her phone. When I returned home that afternoon she wasn't sat in her usual spot on the couch but instead sat in her office working on a paper. She only ever did this after she had spoken to her mother and the call had ended badly, the conversation normally involving harsh words being said about myself.

If I could find a way

Then baby, maybe,

Maybe you'd stay

My world was shattered when she told me she was leaving for good. I remember looking deep into her sparkling green eyes and seeing them flat, filled with no emotion. The same eyes that once showed so much love, when they were staring back at me, where now empty. That was until she caught my gaze. Her lips started moving and everything changed. Her once love filled eyes where now occupied with hatred and sadness. And it was all down to me.