my one shots

kylian mbappé | the one that got away

Part 2

Every single relationship moves through five stages, sometimes more than once. These stages can make or break your relationship; it could be the turning point for a successful future with your significant other or be the conclusion for a difficult, yet beautiful selection of memories.

Love is a journey without a destination; wherever you are now, another hurdle always awaits.

The Merge

The honeymoon stage; the initial sweeping romance that consumes a couple in their starting days. You already think you have found "the one" who you want to spend the rest of your life with; you occupy every second of the day thinking about when you will be reunited, you ignore the red flags and other incompatibilities you may have faced.

That was how I felt when I met the wonderful Esmée.

I had met the beautiful brunette at the tender age of 15; I instantly knew she would become a huge part in my life. She had captivated me in more ways than one and I was determined to make her mine. She had shrugged off my affection for a full three hundred and sixty-five days, eventually she agreed to be my girlfriend.

Esmée always showed so much love and warmth in our first few weeks of dating. I would always find her sat in her usual spot on the couch when I returned home from training. She would always welcome me with open arms and trace kisses over my smiling face, it was something I found myself looking forward to after a long session.

I had only been dating Esmée for a few months but I was already obsessed; I was obsessed with her touch, her laugh, her warmth. I took all that for granted. When I returned home from training in a bad mood, I would take it out on her. When I lost a game, I would take it out on her. I would refuse her comfort and blame her for my actions, but we were in a bubble and luckily for me, these actions went unnoticed by her.

Doubt and Denial

The stage where you start to notice the little differences between each other, the differences you never noticed from the love drug you had found yourself under. The cracks in your relationship start to show, arguments begun to happen often and daily. You would find yourself wanting to spend less time with your partner, turning your attention elsewhere.

The stage in my life I wasn't proud off.

Mine and Esmée's honeymoon period was well and truly over, from my side anyway. I now started to get irritated when I found her on the couch, I started rejecting the love she was trying to show me. I started changing my entire routine; if it included her, it was now a distant memory. I stopped waking her up with morning kisses, I stopped asking about her day, I stopped taking her out on spontaneous date nights, I stopped loving her.

I began showing my affection to other people; still knowing if it all failed, I had Esmée to go home to. I abused her trust, her loyalty and her love. I had promised that I was hers and only hers, I had broken these promises and I still blamed her. I blamed her for pushing me away, I blamed her for spending extra time in work thinking it was a plan to make me angry.

Disillusionment

The winter stage of love, a time where all your issues come to light. Sometimes the end of the road for couples or a time to reflect and see if your love can progress. It was a time for apologies, secrets to be told and hopefully eventual forgiveness.

I had found Esmée walking around the garden; something she only did after she had spoken to her mother, the conversation always including harsh words being said about myself. Her sparkly blue eyes were now flat, filled with sadness. Her lips started moving, my eyes started watering, I now realised what I had done. I was slowly destroying the person who had sacrificed everything for me, I had promised her the world and rejected her at the first hurdle.

My mind was left with questions of why; why was I treating her like this, why wasn't I apologising to her. I started to realise what I was throwing away, I started to remember the happier moments we had shared, I realised I wanted to make more memories with her. I wanted to make it up to her, I wanted her forgiveness, I craved her forgiveness. I needed her to love me again.

Decision

The breaking point stage, emotional breakdowns and endless fights. Taking time to reflect on the relationship and figure out whether it is the correct path for you. Figuring out if you are going to fight for your love or leave all your happier times behind.

It took some time but the Esmée I now laid my eyes on was filled with hope, those beautiful blue eyes now showed love and happiness. The old routine has returned, the girly laugh had returned, her love for me had returned.

Unfortunately, my love for her hadn't. I truly loved her with my whole heart, I was just to arrogant to show it her. I showered her with love and affection until I wheeled her back in; once comfy, I broke her down all over again. I broke her trust again, I broke the happiness in her eyes, I broke her heart.

Wholehearted Love

The final stage, ultimately not the last. The relationship is at its healthiest, accepting the imperfection in themselves and each other. It's the acceptance stage; accepting the love you have for each other or accepting the love is over but you are happy for each other.

I had been through all stages numerous times with Esmée, I only had myself to blame for the situation I now found myself in. She cared so much about me after everything I did to her. I never understood why I treated her the way I did; the way I spoke to her, the way I rejected her comfort after a loss, the way I ignored her tears.

On what would have been our ten-year anniversary, she's different now. She has the light in her eyes back, she has her goofy grin back, she has the feeling of love back. Her heart has always been beautiful, she cared so much about me and I never understood why. I almost forgot how beautiful Esmée's smile was; I realized much later that I should have stood with her though it all and fought for her, I should have showed her how much she meant to me.

Instead, I was now staring at woman with so much love to give and a husband who was incredibly happy to accept it. I think my biggest mistake was thinking that love would somehow win out in the end. Happy endings from complicated situations are rare, that's the reality and a heartbreaking realization for someone who wanted to believe love would win.

She was a girl who loved to soon, I was a boy who loved to late. But no matter what mistakes I made, she'll always be the one that got away.