Down For The Count

Hold Your Child As Tight As You Can

*this is a very triggering chapter in regards to self-destructive thoughts and suicidal behaviors. please read with caution*
Paisley's POV

There comes a point when people get tired.

The universal cure for exhaustion is sleep. Take a nap, rest, and get your energy back. Then you won't be tired anymore.

But sleeping was all that I did.

I isolate myself from Lin and Vanessa in my bedroom, and I sleep. I lay in bed, and I don't get out. I sleep way too much...and I'm still tired.

Too tired. Of...of everything.

I hate seeing them all together. I hate feeling so out of place in my own home.

But...it's not their fault, and that's the frustrating part. They're trying so hard, and I know they are. But somehow this can't be fixed. Somehow I always just feel like the odd one out, and I'm convinced I'll never stop feeling this way.

"The park will be fun, honey. Please?" Vanessa asked, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Are you seriously going to drag me there after what happened last time?" I asked, looking up at her.

She frowned, looking conflicted. I was right, and she knew it.

"Sebastian is so fussy though. He needs a day at the park, he needs to get all his energy out and-"

"So then go to the park." It wasn't rocket science. If she wants to take Sebastian to the park, she should take him. I hate that I hold all of them back from everything.

"I can't leave you alone." Vanessa frowned.

"Right. Because I'm gonna walk all around and make a mess." I said flatly, Vanessa's frown turning even deeper.

I mean...seriously. All I do is lay in bed. I don't leave my room. I'm starting to forget what the rest of the apartment looks like.

Vanessa looked torn, and I immediately felt bad. I hate putting them in that position.

"Mommy!" Sebastian yelled from the living room. He was obviously growing very impatient, wanting to just get to the park already.

"Please, Paisley. Just come with us."

"You guys are always so concerned about being good parents. Good parents leave their children alone, and they don't smother them." I mumbled, Vanessa frowning at my words.

I hadn't meant to be mean...but it was true. I didn't want to be alone, but I wanted her to go to the park with Sebastian. I'm tired of holding them back from things.

Especially Sebastian. He's their actual child. All of their energy should be focused on him, it's not fair to Sebastian that he has to share his parents with a random unstable teenager.

"Just go to the park. I'm going to bed." I mumbled, burying my face back into my pillows.

"Mommy!" Sebastian called again, and I knew we were on the verge of a meltdown if Vanessa didn't hurry up and take him to the park.

"Okay, okay...um...okay. I'll be back really soon, I won't be gone long at all. I'll call every five minutes." Vanessa said.

"Can't wait." I said dryly, hearing Vanessa sigh.

I don't mean to be like this. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just...hard. I don't know. I don't know why I'm the way that I am.

I felt Vanessa get up, and I looked up to see her beginning to walk out of my bedroom.