it's all my fault. (upstead)

i deserve this.

Hailey's POV

As we walk in together, Voight gives us a weird look and he calls me into his office. I look at Jay and we both smile at each other knowing what Voight is about to say. I walk into Voight's office and sit. "You-" he says before I cut him off and say "It's not a thing don't worry, I just needed to be with a friend last night." I say. He lets out a breathe then nods and lets me leave the office. As I walk out I raise my eyebrows at Jay indicating that the exact conversation we knew would happen, did happen. He lets out a little giggle and continues to work. I shake my head in laughter even though deep down I wished that the conversation was different. I wish I did have to explain that me and Jay are together.

After everyone settled down, Voight told us about a case that involved a supposed number of kidnappings of women in Chicago. Calls were coming in from the victims' families saying that the women were missing and couldn't be reached. This made the case a priority and we immediately started to make a plan.

Voight reached out to the families asking where the women would usually shop, eat, etc. when going out assuming the kidnappings were planned. Upon the checking the cameras, we couldn't find any women in their supposed favorite spots. Until, one woman. Nicole Smith. We checked the cameras around one of her favorite spots, and found masked men taking her into a black van when she went back to the parking lot. Luckily enough, we were able to identify the liscence plate and immediately got to work, to find the men.

*After a few hours of the team working*

After Voight thought it through and identified a location where the men holding the women might be, he decided we were going to head to the location and spread out throughout the area to decrease the chances of us getting caught as much as possible.

*After 30 minutes of Voight explaining the plan*

We arrived at the location and we all slowly leave our cars one by one to not look suspicious. After the others went to their area, I headed to my area.

"Got eyes on the building Sarg. It's clear here." I hear everyone say one by one. I also say it then I hear Sarg tell us what to do. While I listen to my radio, I sense a bad feeling. I start getting somewhat anxious and look around me. I assumed I'm just being paranoid so I look back at the building. I listen to my radio and suddenly I feel a gun to my head. "Give me your radio now. One word and I'll shoot you." A man says while grabbing my gun from my belt. I panic and hand over my radio backwards while still looking forward. I feel cloth being put over my face and all I see next is black. "Come on" the man says aggressively while dragging me. Fuck fuck fuck. I can't believe this is happening to me right now. I overhear Jay on the radio say "Hailey do you copy?". I wish I could answer right now. This could be the last time I see him. They probably will kill me. I feel myself get shoved into a car and the car speeds off.

I feel the cloth get removed from my face and I open my eyes to a dark room. I try to move my hands and legs but they're handcuffed to poles. "Good morning. You really thought you and your team would catch us huh?" The man behind the mask says. "Fuck you" I say. Fuck why did I say that. FUCK. Not even after a second, I feel a hard punch to my face. Fuck it stings. Motherfucker. I deserve this though. I fucking deserve this. What if this is a punishment because I got my CI got killed? I fucking deserve this. "Just kill me and get it over with" I cry. "You really think I'm going to go that easy on you?" The masked man says laughing. I just want to fucking die. I just want to die. "Sit tight darling, you're not going anywhere" he says before he leaves and I hear the door slam shut. Fucking hell. Why does everything in my life have to be so hard? I just want to fucking die and not deal with this shit anymore. I'm fucking exhausted and done. The only person that was holding me from my dark thoughts was Jay. But he's not here. This is how it's going to be. I'm going to die alone. I expected this. It's my fault I'm a fucking wreck and I'm too much for anyone. It's my fucking fault. I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I cry and bang my head on the pole which leads to blood. The door suddenly opens and the man aggressively walks in. "If you don't stop fucking making noise, I swear to god I will fucking kill you." He says. "THEN DO IT. FUCKING DO IT ALREADY. KILL ME" I yell. "Shut the fuck up you bitch. You're not going anywhere and I will make sure of that. I will fucking make your life a living hell. You thought that you could ruin me and my men's plans and life, but I can't? Guess what bitch? I can and will fucking ruin you. I won't kill you now, I'll fucking ruin you then kill you." The man says before landing another punch to my face. He leaves and slams the door. I start crying and pray that Jay will find me even though I deserve this. I deserve this pain and suffering for what happened to my CI. I'm a fucking mess and deserve this. The voices in my head start to flood in. "Jay doesn't even like you, you bitch. What the fuck are you thinking? You really think he's going to come and save you? You're nothing to him. He hates you and he's better off without you." The voices in my head repeat.