Aim: Avenger | Y/N Story

21 - "Maybe"

I walked back to the waiting room, and saw my team all seated, all looking worried, all smiling at me. I smiled back, then sat down next to the redheaded assassin. My friend.

"Hey, it's late, Y/N. Maybe you should go to bed." Natasha said, brushing my hair behind my ears. 

"I'm not tired." I responded.

"You need to rest." Steve joined in.

"No. I need to do . . . something. If I try to sleep right now, I'll start to think, and I can't be left with my thoughts." I stood up and walked away from everyone. Their thoughts were too full of worry for me to bear listening to.

"Okay, I'll come-" Natasha offered.

"No!" I replied harshly. I paused, and continued more gently, "no, thank you. I just need a distraction so I don't use my powers and hurt someone else." I left, looking at the ground, and let my feet carry me where they wanted. I stopped, and when I looked up I realized I was in the library. I smiled, remembering all the moments I'd shared with my family. I looked over at the record player, still resting where I'd first conjured it. I felt a bit of pride shine through my sorrow as I walked over to it. I lowered the needle and played a different song than before.

The melody was solemn, but I liked it. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself, swaying slowly to the song. I began to think of all the people I'd met in Hydra, all the agents I had put my life into their hands, and theirs in mine. And how many I'd dropped. Like Gestorben. Like Verdienen. In that moment I felt my heart shatter, as I was overwhelmed with a deep despair, the same feeling as from before. I began to cry, and my legs gave out, forcing me to my knees.

"It's called guilt." A voice said. "What you're feeling."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and another, smaller hand rubbing my back. I opened my eyes, but they were too blurry with tears to see who it was. I saw a fuzzy hand reach out to help me up, and I took it, drying my face as I was pulled gently to my feet. When my vision was clear, I saw Gestorben and Verdienen standing in front of me. My heart was gripped with fear as I took a step back.

Gestorben laughed. "It's okay, we're not going to hurt you."

"I don't believe you." I said warily. My eyes bounced back and forth from them.

Verdienen giggled, a sound that made my blood run cold. "Erin, we really won't."

"Why not? I killed you guys. In cold blood." I felt tears threaten to fall again, but I blinked them away.

"You were following orders." Gestorben shrugged. "You didn't know how to think for yourself yet. But now you do, and you felt guilt when you saw those names. That's the difference from then and now; you've changed, in a good way." He smiled.

"And that's all we ever wanted from you. To realize that if you could think like you do now back then, then maybe we would be with you now." The petite figure of my friend said, her smile genuine.

"So you wanted . . . for me to be happy?" I was confused.

"Yes!" She clapped her hands together, looking over at the other phantom with satisfaction.

"But, I killed you." I pointed out.

Sighing, Gestorben said, "As I said, you didn't know what you were doing."

I sat down in my armchair, my mind reeling, when I realized something. "Wait, then why did V try to kill me?" I asked.

"It made you open up to them, didn't it?" She smiled, this time a mischievous one. "And I really am sorry about that. I did try to only maim you."

"Well, thank you, I guess." The two of them laughed, and I found myself laughing with them. It felt good to be with friends. Friends. They really are my friends, huh? "What now?"

"Now, we say that we forgive you. I certainly do! I much rather have had you kill me than the General. She was mean." Verdienen wrinkled her nose, causing us to laugh again.

"And that was a very clever trick you pulled. I'm proud of you, Erinnerung. Your abilities are getting better." Gestorben added.

"Well, thanks guys. Oh, you can call me Y/N now. That's what my family calls me." I smiled a goofy smile at them and they smiled right back.

"Aw, come here, Y/N!" Verdienen said, her arms open wide. I ran right into them, hugging her tight. I felt Gestorben join us, and I laughed.

"I do miss you guys." I said solemnly, closing my eyes, just taking in the moment.

"We know. We're always going to be here for you." He said.

And we stayed in a big group hug, all holding each other. I could feel that everything they said before was true, that they really did forgive me. I opened my eyes to thank them only to see that I was once again on the floor, alone, tears still clouding my eyes. I looked around, wondering if any of it was real.

"Hey Y/N, I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I just-" Steve started, but was interrupted when I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Hey, it's okay." He soothed, doing the same. When I pulled away, he smiled at me. "Are you alright, kid?"

"I am now." I replied, returning his smile.

"Good, that's good. Natasha wanted to know if you wanted to bake cookies for Bucky when he wakes up."

"I would love to." I took his hand and we walked out of the library together, making our way to the kitchen where Natasha was wearing an apron, her red hair tied into a neat bun on top of her head. She looked up as we entered, and gave me a big smile.

"Oh, Y/N! I like your necklace. I don't remember you wearing one." She said, her smile never leaving her face.

"Necklace?" I asked, confused, looking down to see Verdienen's necklace nestled against my collar bone. So it was real, I thought, feeling a smile spread across my face.. I looked back at Natasha and answered, "Oh, a friend gave it to me."

"Oh, lovely. Now get over here! We're making cookies! You too, Rogers!" She laughed, pointing at him playfully. He held his hands up in defeat, and we walked over to her together.

I couldn't seem to stop smiling.

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