I heard a knock on my door. "Come in." I called, not looking up from the book I held in my hands.
She looks so normal, just reading.
"Thank you for that thought, I almost feel normal." I memorize the page I was on and close the book, sitting up on my bed. I saw Bucky standing in the doorway, the smiley face I had drawn still slightly legible.
"I forgot you can do that." He remarked, a small smile on his face.
"I didn't. And I can see that my powers aren't why you're here." I motioned for him to sit, and he did, crossing the floor to grab the chair at my desk and wheeling it closer to the bed. "So."
"So." He echoed.
"Fine, I'll start. I have officially abandoned my mission, and pledge my loyalty to the Avengers." I said. My voice was filled with theatrics, but I spoke the truth, and I know he could tell.
"Good. But still not why I'm here." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for me to continue.
Sighing, I did. "I abandon my mission, but I can still feel their influence on my head. I'm-" I hesitated. I trusted Bucky, but I still couldn't wipe away a lifetime of training to never show weakness. "I'm . . . scared." I admitted. "I don't want to hurt you guys, not after I was finally accepted. Not after I found a place to belong." I blinked away the tears that formed and looked at my hands, realizing I was twisting them. He gently pulled my hands apart and held them. Taking a deep breath, I added, "I'm afraid I'm going to push you all away and have nothing left. I'm afraid of my heart being broken again. Before, I had Hydra. And I know to an outsider, it probably looked like hell, but we didn't. We laughed and played and cried, just like other children. We didn't know that what we were doing wasn't what everyone else did. We thought nothing of all the experiments and training. Thought nothing of killing. It was our version of normal, and it was comforting. But now you tell me that it's not normal, that it's wrong, and it goes against everything I've ever known, and it scares me. Because if you're right, then I'm a monster."
"You're not a monster. You're just a kid."
"I know. I'm just . . . if this whole 'Avengers family' thing doesn't work out, then I'll be hunted by two of the most powerful forces in play. Three, actually, since you'll pull S.H.I.E.L.D. into it."
"I think I speak for everyone when I say that we will always be here for you." He replied softly.
"But that's not necessarily true, is it? Tony was all too willing to take away my powers." I retorted.
"Tony has an . . . insurance policy, I guess you could call it, for everyone. Even the Hulk."
"Because that went well. You almost crashed a helicarrier into New York. You played right into Loki's hand with that one." I shoved his shoulder playfully.
"Hey, you can blame the others for that, I was still with Hydra." He held up his hands defensively, and the room fell silent. A comfortable silence, a silence that caused me to think.
After a while, I voiced the question in my head. "Hey Bucky. The machine that would wipe your memories. What did it feel like?" My voice was soft, quiet, and when he remained silent I thought he hadn't heard me, but when I looked up I could see the pain in his eyes, even though he was trying to hide it.
"Pure pain. I can't describe it. It was . . . it was a pain so intense you could think of nothing else, only that. It felt like it was searing your brain, and you wished for death every second of it." He replied darkly. He lightly shook his head, as if to push the memory away, then returned my gaze. This time I saw a slight look of confusion on his face. "Wait, you never . . . experienced it?"
"No. There was no need. None of the other kids did either. We were all babies when we came, so there were no memories to remember." I answered.
"Oh. But don't you remember everything?" He asked again.
"Yes. I remember my parents. I remember my home. I remember leaving it, and arriving at Hydra. They never knew I remembered, and it didn't matter." I shrugged.
"So you do have a before." He smiled.
"Not really. My parents were . . . well, to say it lightly, not ready to have a child."
"Oh. Were they younger?" I could tell he didn't want to press me, but also wanted to know.
"No. I don't know their ages, but they were older. If I had to guess, I would say late twenties to early thirties. But they weren't ready because they were constantly yelling at each other, throwing things, you get the point. In one such instance, a glass was thrown, and some of the shards fell on me. I cried, obviously, it hurt, and when they picked me up that's when I used my powers for the first time. Even at such a young age, when I was so little, I was still a fighter." I smiled at the memory. It was one of my favorites.
"Oh. I was not expecting that."
"No one ever does." I stated simply.
"Mr. Barnes, Mr. Stark has requested your attendance in the briefing room." JARVIS said over the intercom.
"Have you been listening, JARVIS?" I asked in a teasing tone.
"I am always listening, Miss Y/L/N."
"Was Tony listening?" I ask, a smirk on my face.
"Mr. Stark was not listening." The AI responded in that familiar monotone.
"But he could play the recording over again if he wanted to. JARVIS, tell Tony I'll be there in a second." Bucky called.
"Of course, Mr. Barnes. I would advise hurrying, as Mr. Stark is in a poor mood." It responded.
"When is he not?" I joked. I turned back to Bucky. "Go on."
"Okay, but we will continue this conversation." He stood up and returned my chair to the desk.
"I know. And I will be asking you more questions, I do love a good war story. At Hydra I was one of the best battle analysts, and I loved to study WW2." It was true.
"Well, I have plenty to share, and I'll bring Steve, too. The little punk could never run from a fight." He smiled, probably thinking of his friend.
"No, he usually ran towards them. Speaking of running, you'd best get started before Tony sends one of his Marks after you." I waved my hands at him, motioning for him to go.
"Goodbye, elephant." He smirked.
"Haha, because elephants remember everything, you're hilarious. Go." I smiled. I liked the nickname.
He chuckled as the door swung open, then turned and waved to me as it closed slowly behind him.
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YOU ARE READING
Aim: Avenger | Y/N Story
AdventureY/N was trained by HYDRA, and has been for as long as she can remember. She has become more dangerous than you could imagine, and she has been given one goal, one aim: take down the Avengers, from the inside. But what happens when she starts to re...
