"Hey Bucky. It's Y/N. I brought you cookies." I held up the tin they were stored in.
"Y/N!" Bucky's face split into a smile, but he otherwise looked terrible. His metal arm was sitting next to him, on the nightstand, with the top of it was mangled from the grenade. His skin was ghastly pale, and his long hair was disheveled more than it usually was. He looked so . . . weak. Small. Helpless.
It shattered my heart into pieces. I did this. A man tested by war broken by a 16 year-old girl. I hid my feelings behind a smile. "That's me." I said, setting down the cookie tin.
"Attitude is the same. Good. But I can tell that smile is hiding a different emotion behind it." He said.
"And you would be correct. You look like hell, Buck." I was interrupted by his laugh. "And that's my fault."
He stopped laughing. "No. It's because of you that no one else was hurt. You took out those guys quick. You-"
"Stop, Buck. I should've realized it was an ambush. They were after me, no one else."
"Oh please, they would've loved to have taken out one of the Avengers."
"But the trap was for me! They want me dead so bad they're willing to risk a fight with you. I am a hazard. A . . . bad luck charm." I found the right words, and felt the truth of them in my heart.
"Y/N, you are not. If anything you're a blessing." He protested. He was getting upset, I could see it in his eyes.
"I am no one's blessing! I'll just bring you harm!" I replied harshly.
"Stop it!" Bucky yelled.
"No!" I yelled back. "I am a guaranteed catastrophe, a tear that's bound to fall, an unavoidable train wreck, whatever you want to call it! You probably regret allowing me to become one of you." I sat down on a chair, finally voicing the words I couldn't stop thinking. I felt a hand on mine, pulling it away from my face. I looked up at a pair of soft, stormy blue eyes.
"Y/N. I know you have something on your mind. Lay it out."
"It really is my fault that you're here. Remember how I said I was a battle analyst?" I paused, and when he nodded, I admitted, "I was the one who came up with the balloons in the room. Cause confusion, maybe some friendly fire, and the loud pops hide any sounds. It's my fault this happened."
He shook his head. "Still not your fault. You have to know that."
"And you know that it is my fault. Everything is." I drew my knees up to my chest, curling myself into a ball on the hospital chair.
"Something else it eating away at your mind, I can tell. What is it?" He gently prodded.
I hesitated. I trust Bucky, but at the same time I didn't want to know how he would react to my thoughts. Sighing, I began, "I'm afraid. I live in constant fear that I might fail my mission. I fear that I'll complete it. But my greatest fear is . . . " I didn't know how to say it, so I backtracked a little bit. "When all that you know just fades away, you get a little bit lost. I'm afraid that I'll just lose it, break away from my soul and let my fear take over. Basically, what if I fall and lose myself to fear? What if I've become what I feared all my life? And what will I do if that happens? Will I make the right choice in that moment? Will I stand and be brave, or be broken? What happens then?" I felt burning tears form behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
"What happens if you give into your fear and become a monster?" He summarized.
"Exactly. And I can't be around people if that happens." I felt a sudden clarity. I knew what I was going to do, I just wasn't sure if I could pull it off. I buried the idea to think about later. "I especially can't be around my family. I don't want to hurt you even more."
"Y/N. I will say it as many times as I need to; we are your family, like you said. And family sticks together. No matter what, through all of it." He said, firmly but with a softness, trying to use the sentiment to push out the doubts.
It didn't work. But I let him believe it did.
"Okay, fine. You win." I smiled. He ruffled my hair, then picked up the cookies I'd brought.
"These look good. Did you make them?" He asked as he took a bite.
"Me and Natasha did, yeah. Steve helped, too." I answered.
"Wow, you two should open a bakery. And then hire the rest of us as taste-testers." He smiled, taking another one.
I laughed, a real laugh. "We would go bankrupt; you and Steve would eat them all before they even made it to the display case." I joked.
We talked for several hours, swapping stories with each other. Slowly, the others joined us, one or two at a time. Eventually, all of us were crowded into the white room. A doctor had to tell us to leave so Barnes could rest, we talked for so long. It was actually really nice to be able to bond with the team.
With my family.
After the doctor ushered us out of the room, I announced I was going to bed. I was very tired, but I had a few things to take care of first. I walked to my room, closing the door and telling JARVIS that I didn't want to be disturbed. I looked up and realized I was standing in the bathroom, and saw my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised to see tears in my eyes that I hadn't noticed. I knew what I had to do was necessary, but it still hurt. A lot. It would hurt the others for a little bit, but they would get over it. To do this, I would need help. A lot of it. I couldn't rely on the living, as they would get suspicious, so I closed my eyes, my hand going to the necklace V had given me. When I opened them, Gestorben and Verdienen were standing in front of me.
"Heya, Y/N." Gestorben said, at the same time that Verdienen said "We're back!"
I smiled at my friends. "Hey V, hey Ben." I used their nicknames, and they smiled in response. "I need your help."
"We know." Ben said.
"Can you help me pack up? I can't endanger them anymore." I held back the tears that threatened to spill.
"We're with you. Like morning follows night." They said together, saying our catchphrase.
"Like morning follows night. Ben, you get enough food for a week, V, you get weapons. I'll pack up my stuff." We all nodded in unison and went our separate directions. I made my way to the closet, grabbing a few pairs of black pants and darkly colored shirts. I grabbed two jackets, gloves, and underwear. Turning to my desk, I grabbed a few books I was reading, as well as a blank notebook, pens and pencils, and a set of colored pencils. I finally turned to my bed, grabbing a blanket, placing it at the top of my bag. I grabbed some things from the bathroom, and when I walked back into the bedroom my friends held out their findings. I packed it all into a backpack and slung it over my shoulder. Looking around the room for anything else, I noticed my journal on the shelf. I hesitated, but plucked it off and held it in my hands.
"What now?" Verdienen asked.
"Now I make them forget me."
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YOU ARE READING
Aim: Avenger | Y/N Story
AdventureY/N was trained by HYDRA, and has been for as long as she can remember. She has become more dangerous than you could imagine, and she has been given one goal, one aim: take down the Avengers, from the inside. But what happens when she starts to re...
