Aim: Avenger | Y/N Story

11 - "Can't Pretend"

I was screaming uncontrollably, I couldn't stop. This wasn't like nights before when I was faking; this time I really was afraid. The door to the medical wing slammed open, and the Winter Soldier walked in.

"Erin! Hey!" He ran over to me and shook me, but I didn't stop screaming. He tried everything, but the cold hands of the bodies wouldn't leave me be. "Oh, screw it." 

He removed the protective material around my hand and grabbed it. 

He froze, his eyes glossed over as he saw what I couldn't stop seeing. The bodies of all those I'd killed. I finally stopped screaming, tears streaming down my eyes. Real tears. Someone else came into the room and started shouting at James, but I couldn't force my mind to focus. My nightmare still haunted me to my core.

"-in. Erin, can you hear me?" Someone said. I looked up and saw it was Black Widow, her green eyes gentle and crinkled with worry.

"Natasha." I threw my arms around her, sobbing. She held me tight, rubbing my back. I realized that I was drenched, soaked to the bone with freezing cold water.

"It's okay. You're okay." We stayed like that for several minutes as I cried myself to sleep in her arms.

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My eyes snapped open when I heard a door softly close. I took a deep breath as I saw the Avengers surrounding me, and released it when I saw they were smiling.

"Good morning Erin." Barnes said.

"Barnes." I smiled, until I remembered he had touched my hand. My face fell. "Oh no, did I-"

"I'm fine. I remember everything." He reassured me.

"So then . . . you saw what I saw." I let my gaze drop to my hands folded in front of me.

"Yes. I did."

"And based on everyone else's thoughts, you told them what you saw." He nodded. "And I'm assuming you want an explanation. Not just about my-" I cleared my throat, "dream, but about the earlier, uh, incident." Everyone nodded, but Rogers shook his head. 

"You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to." He said.

"Well, one of you knows what I'm about to say. They figured out my clue from yesterday." I answered, and they all looked at each other in confusion. Well, all except Stark, who held up a small, leather-bound book.

"Your journal. It has your name on the spine. And 'what's in the name', which was a very clever clue, was interesting." He flipped to a page and started to read. "'As I grew older, my powers developed. The day of my tenth birthday, something strange happened. As a reward for one of my earlier missions, I was given a pet snake to play with for the day. The next morning, they ordered me to kill it. So I did. A few weeks later, during combat training, I kept hearing a hissing. I saw my snake, slithering closer to me. I froze, and while I was distracted my combat mate hit me to the ground. It was then that the snake coiled up and bit me, right on my neck. I shouldn't have, but I screamed. My instructor was coming over to scold me, when they saw the bite. No one of the twenty-three other people in the room had seen a snake, and no one else was bitten.'" He closed the book.

"So, what, her memories can . . . come back? And affect her?" Banner said. Everyone turned to me, and I sighed.

"Sort of. Stark, did you find the other example?" I looked up at him.

"I did. 'One mission, I had to eliminate a threat. I had read his profile, and knew that if he was in a place that was being robbed, he would try to play hero. So, while he was enjoying his coffee, I walked in, pretending to be a robber. He tried to stop me, I killed him, and ran. But I noticed this cafe had beautiful donuts. After I returned to my base, I couldn't stop thinking about them. It kept me awake that night. Suddenly I smelled the sweet smell of chocolate, and when I looked down there was a donut in front of me. I picked it up; it was tangible. I ate the whole thing in three bites. It was delicious. The next morning, a Caretaker found me with chocolate on my face.'"

"What was found was that if I sort of wished for something from my memory, it would . . . come back." I said, trying to find the right words. "Although, living things are tricky. They are still able to control themselves, and subsequently the environment around them. Since most of the people I've come across are dead, they tend to hold grudges." I added. "The General was excited, thinking they could use this to summon anything I'd ever seen. There were multiple tests, but it was ultimately decided these memories could only affect me. And when they gave up, I kept practicing. On missions, I would try to summon simple things; a match, a clip, even a penny. I was successful. But then came the tricky part: seeing if it could affect others."

"And could you?" Spider-Man said.

I hesitated. My mission was to get them to trust me, and while I had not meant for this to happen, I decided to use it to my advantage. 

"Yes. The Avengers were stunned. The sound of the clock on the wall ticked, the only sound in the room. 

"And, um, how long ago were you successful?" Spider-Man said.

"Three months ago." Stark answered.

"So you read the whole thing?" I smirked.

"I did. Quite an interesting read."

"What happened three months ago?" Romanoff asked.

"Three months ago, as you all know, it was in the file, I was in Slovakia. I was dispatched to aid in a situation at one of our facilities. An agent, with powers, had a bad reaction to a test, and had gone berserk. My mission was to eliminate the threat." I paused. "They were strong, and soon we engaged in hand-to-hand combat. I needed to win, so I summoned a knife."

After a few seconds in silence, Rogers asked, "And what did you do?"

Turning to him, I answered, "I eliminated the threat."

The room fell silent. Most everyone's thoughts were filled with surprise and pity, but when I looked into Barnes', I only saw understanding.

"I don't know why most of you are surprised. You know who I am, what I do. What I've done." I was almost annoyed at their reactions.

"You were under Hydra's control. You didn't choose that freely." Barnes said.

I turned to him and replied, "Didn't I?"

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