Amongst the Chaos

Slowly Undoing...

I don't want to let her back into my life...my heart, it will only break again when God decides to be cruel to us and rip her from our lives once more. It's clear as day that something has happened to our princess, you can see it in her eyes, the life that was once there has disappeared, there's no sparkle. Today has only confirmed my suspicions and I know what I have to do in order to protect my angel.

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T H E O D O R A

We finally made it back to the house, that car journey was painful, it was tense and awkward. Although I'm not surprised about that since I had my little meltdown at the mall. Why couldn't I just have walked away? Just stuck with my brothers? I just had to turn around and see him.

We unloaded all of the bags, I only carried a small handful that weighed practically nothing since my brothers took care of the rest, they didn't want me carrying any in fact. I wasn't exactly sure how I should feel at the moment, I think if I let myself feel anything at all it would be too much, too much sadness, too much pain and I don't believe I could survive it all this time.

We took all of the bags up to my room and thankfully the guys left me to unpack, it allowed me some time to myself. I could feel the pressure of Dante's intense gaze on me. I know he won't let what happened today go, he'll probably tell Luca and then I'll be screwed. I'll have to come up with some logical explanation, one they have to believe.

I could feel myself becoming anxious the more I thought about it so I decided to distract myself. I unpacked all of the shopping bags and arranged everything into small piles, categorizing each item. Leo had gone completely overboard with clothes, I had so much I don't know when I'll get to where everything. After some meticulous organizing, I finally filled my closet, it looked amazing! I was quite proud of how neat it looked. I also took the time to organize all of my new school books, copies, and other materials we bought.

My schoolbag was ready and organized to go for Monday, my desk was neatly organized and I had all of my stationary arranged for doing my homework. Everything extra we bought like some new art supplies and books I put away on the bookcase. It felt good to have at least one thing in my life I could control, I thought to myself as I stood back and admired the pristine room in front of me.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand to see it was almost time for dinner, I thought it was best to have a shower first, I had only noticed I got rather dirty and sweaty from cleaning and organizing everything. I grabbed some clean sweats and a hoody from my closet and started the shower. I leaned against the countertop, my back to the mirror, and waited for the water to heat up. It took only a minute or two before the room was steamy, I stripped out of my dirty clothes and unwrapped my ribs and other bandages and plasters I had on, and stepped into one of my favorite places in the house, my shower.

I know it's strange to have the shower as a favorite place but it is the one place I can just be me, be me without feeling scared of judgment or rejection, to let out all of my emotions but still come out feeling fresh and revitalized. I simply like the aura of peace it surrounds me with. I stood still for a couple of minutes letting the water flow over my body, soothing all of my aches and pains, washing away the long day.

Once I was finished I wrapped the soft, fluffy towel around my small frame and dried off. I took a peek at myself in the mirror and was disappointed to see the same frail, gaunt, damaged girl looking back. Everything hurt twice as much from all the walking around today. My ankle that was only beginning to heal feels worse as well as my forearm and ribs. Today I noticed it hurt a lot more when I breathed, the bruises still look the same so that's something, at least they aren't worse. My arm was still red and sore and now it was turning slightly green, I'm pretty sure it's infected which is just perfect, notice the sarcasm?