Amongst the Chaos

Baby Steps

"No of course not" I would never be mad about my brothers needing my help

He sat back and stared at my face a small smile gracing his features, "So why would we think that about you hmm?"

For once, I finally felt a small amount of guilt float away. If my brothers love me as much as I love them then I wouldn't be mad at them for needing my help, so maybe, just maybe, they feel the same way.

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T H E O D O R A 

Raffa pulled back and looked at me once again, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

"So, how about showering and coming down for dinner this evening? Your brothers miss you" He asked me with nothing hidden behind his voice just plain honesty. 

I felt incredibly anxious at the thought, even though it was only dinner I feel safer in my room, my bed it has been my only haven from all of the bad that has happened. 

Raffa sensed my hesitation, "You don't have to of course but from personal experience, locking yourself away from the world doesn't help the issues"  and with that he got up and left me alone with my thoughts. 

I mulled over what he said with careful consideration. I missed my brothers and their comfort and I know I've been causing them worry and stress. 

Rising out of my bed I grabbed some clean pajamas and made my way to the bathroom. Turning the shower on and letting the steam fill the bathroom I turned glancing at my reflection in the mirror. 

I was saddened by the girl looking back at me because I didn't recognize her anymore. The bags under her eyes and the gaunt appearance made her look sick, but then again I suppose she is in a way and she was me. 

I drowned out my whirring thoughts as I stepped into the shower. Let the sound of the water fill my mind. 

Once I showered and changed into an oversized hoody and joggers,  I made my way to my bedroom door. It was silly but I felt scared to leave the confines of my room, in here no one can hurt me, I'm safe but out there all bets are off. I don't just mean the rest of the house of course... I mean the world. 

Taking a deep breath I managed to open the door, the hard part was walking out of my room. 

"Just one baby step at a time" I whispered to myself. 

Eventually, my feet moved and I was finally standing in the hallway outside of my room. I felt slightly proud even though I only left my room, it was something difficult for me to do. I kept reciting the same five words in my head as I walked through the hallways, 

'One step at a time' It seemed to work because I soon found myself standing outside of the dining room, I could hear the boys talking and the clanking of cutlery and plates. 

Breathing in and out I opened the door just a crack and took a glance to see who was there, internally hoping no one would notice me in case I changed my mind. 

Unfortunately, the minute I peeked in, all eyes turned toward me, they all must have super hearing. I thought to myself.