I Don't Love You (And I Always Will)

Chapter Eight

Hey! Sorry for the quick break, had to go on a bit of a road trip :)) Disclaimer: This is a work of FICTION, not meant to imply anything about anyone or any organization in the work. Enjoy!

Harry

The first few seconds that Harry was awake the next morning were wonderful. He opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and stretched his muscles, tight from dancing yesterday. He was ready to face the day, after a cup of coffee. Of course, that's when he remembered.

So yes, Harry might have had a slight error in judgement last night. Oh, fuck it, Harry made a horrible, horrible mistake. Kissing Louis in the studio was quite possibly the worst thing Harry could've done for their relationship. Whatever relationship they had at this point. Did they still hate each other? Maybe. And the worst part was it was a fucking amazing kiss. Like earth-shattering. How was Harry supposed to look Louis in the eye now? He was bound to see the thinly veiled desire in Harry's gaze every time he looked at him.

The feeling of dread Harry felt upon realizing what he did the night before didn't go away while he was getting dressed and walking to Lincoln Center, it only intensified. He breathed in the city's morning air (it smelled awful) trying to calm himself down. Louis was good at ignoring him, he would probably just continue that. And even if he didn't, it wasn't like Louis was going to suddenly be nice to him because they kissed once. Harry's just going to pretend it never happened. Seems to be the easiest option.

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Warm-up class that day was weirdly normal. The only difference was he wasn't getting death glares from Louis, due to the fact that Louis wasn't looking at him. It felt familiar, almost nice, like settling back into a routine. Harry still didn't like the routine though.

The thing is, Harry wasn't built for having enemies. That's why he left Royal Ballet in the first place, it felt too suffocating, and putting up walls to protect himself was exhausting. Harry prided himself on being a kind person, and it's difficult being kind to someone who hates your very existence. At the Royal, Harry saw himself becoming someone he wasn't proud of. He can't go there again. He promised himself.

Harry saw Eleanor sitting alone at a table in the dancer's common room during lunch and decided to join her. Harry had avoided her at lunch before because she always sat with Louis, but today he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was with Gigi. Harry was taking this opportunity while he could.

"Hey, El. Mind if I sit?" Harry asked, gesturing towards the seat across from her. Eleanor looked surprised to see him when she looked up from her phone, but she looked happy as well. So at least he wasn't imposing.

"Yeah, totally H. Where have you been hiding out during lunch anyway? I never see you." El questioned as he sat down. She speared a piece of chicken from her salad while Harry pulled out his protein bowl.
"Oh, just in the locker room or something usually." He looked down at his bowl. Harry sounded a lot like he was some lonely new kid, but he had friends. He did.

"Why? That's so depressing. You could've sat here, like anytime." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Wait is this because of Louis? Jesus, he's gotten to you." Harry shook his head, trying to deny any inkling that Louis scared Harry. He didn't.

"No, no. It wasn't because of Louis." Harry said, taking a swallow of his green smoothie. Call him a hipster, but he likes fueling his body with nutrients. "I just didn't want to impose on your trio, I guess." Eleanor scoffed at him.

"Harry, I've known you for about a month and you're like one of my favorite people ever. Feel free to impose anytime." She smiled at him. It felt nice to be accepted. Being the newbie was never Harry's favorite thing, but Eleanor made it more manageable. "And don't worry about Louis. I meant to ask actually," Eleanor continued, "did something happen last night? At your mini rehearsal? He's been acting weird today."