I Don't Love You (And I Always Will)

Chapter Eighteen

Hey! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and as always, comments mean the world to me :)

Disclaimer: This is a work of FICTION not meant to imply anything about any one or any organization mentioned in the work.

Louis

Backstage was Louis' second favorite place, behind being on the stage itself. The energy of the company backstage was unmatched. Some dancers were laying on the floor, some jumping around full of energy. In Louis' opinion, you could really tell who a person was by their backstage behavior. When he was backstage, Louis' didn't talk to anyone. It made him nervous, so he kept completely to himself as soon as he reached the wings and just watched the performance. Dancers were so perfect onstage it was almost ironic, since most of them were wincing in pain and quickly stripping off the persona they just sold the audience as soon as they take a step offstage. Louis found the flawed dancers the most interesting. Sure, to the audience perfection is all they want to see for a three-hour show, so they can return to their lives, however imperfect. However, after watching ballet for his entire life, Louis could relate more to the dancers who were vulnerable and flawed onstage. Perfect wasn't what Louis wanted after a lifetime of it.

Louis was watching Liam onstage as Mother Ginger dancing with his eight little Pollichinelles. The kids were one of Louis' favorite parts of Nutcracker, since they were so bright eyed and ready to learn. It could be hard to get through all sixty-four shows of the Nutcracker, so they worked as great motivation. Liam was taking to his role as the drag queen-esque mother surprisingly well. He was finally loosening up thank god. Louis had his prank plans foiled by Liam one too many times.

"Candy canes, you're up!" The stage manager whisper-yelled at Louis and the group of children he was next to. Louis took breath before he heard the music start and he was running out onto the stage, followed by the two lines of kids. Louis hadn't been onstage since performing Apollo, and he missed it. Missed it like someone misses a family member or misses their favorite tv show in-between seasons. So Louis danced. He jumped, quite literally through hoops, sprung around onstage with all the energy of the children surrounding him. He smiled like he was seeing that family member again, drank in his surroundings like that show was finally back on.

In reality, Louis was back offstage in less than three minutes. When he was onstage, Louis didn't get tired. It was a weird side affect of whatever drug being under those lights was. Offstage however, Louis was genuinely about to pass the fuck out. He sat down on the concrete floor backstage, taking as deep of a breath as his struggling lungs would let him. Once his body regulated back to normal Louis started paying attention to the stage again, looking up just in time to see Harry make his entrance for the final pas de deux. This was Louis' favorite dance in the whole show, the grand, sweeping music taking everyone present to some other dimension for the duration of the piece. Louis really loved the Nutcracker.

Louis didn't have much time earlier to think about how Harry had broken up with Adam. Well, it's more he didn't let himself think about it. The only thing that was keeping Louis remotely sane around Harry was that he had a boyfriend, and it would be looked down upon to straddle him in the middle of a Friendsgiving dinner because of that fact. But now, Harry had broken up with the dirty slimeball that some called Adam. Louis really wished there were video footage of Harry dumping that iced coffee on his head, but alas, some wishes were meant to stay ungranted.

Louis will admit, slapping Adam square across the face was incredibly satisfying. Adam and Louis had stopped talking about two years ago when Adam had tried to hook up with Louis when Adam was dating Louis' friend John. Louis said no, of course, and fully intended to tell John about the incident. But then Adam announced that he was moving in with John and Louis just didn't have it in him to break the whole thing up. Instead, Louis just left the friend group.