What A Small World - Julie and The Phantoms - Reggie

Chapter 20 - The Heart to Heart

------- Author Note - TRIGGER WARNING - please if anyone is triggered by self harm or suicide please skip the first bit, I'll put trigger warning end when its safe to read, I do have experience in both so I totally understand if you need to skip, the main bit is to know that Olivia used to self harm after the crash and attempted suicide in England. I kinda struggled to write because of my own experiences but I'd hinted to it and I thought it was important for Reggie to know.

- Thank you again to everyone for reading, and if anyone ever needs me to chat about anything I will alway be there for everyone 🥰

She took a deep breathe. She knew she'd have to tell him at some point. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what had happened but it was hard. She wanted to tell the rest of them too but that seemed harder.

"Reggie believe me when I say I'm in a totally different place now and I would never in a million years slip down that far again." She looked deep in his eyes, her hand squeezing his. "I want you to know you're a huge part of that, like you....you've kinda change my life completely. I never thought I'd be this happy ever again after I lost them."

The words came spilling out her mouth fast, he could tell she was nervous. He wished he hadn't pushed her. He didn't want her to have to relive it.

"Olivia breathe." She moved closer to him resting her head on his shoulder looking out over the houses. She couldn't look at him but she needed to be close to him.

"Sorry. I was in a really bad place when I left LA. I didn't know anyone where I was. I was sad all the time but I also felt nothing all at the same time if that makes sense." She felt him nod his head in response. "I felt so responsible for it, for everything. I felt useless, like I didn't deserve to be here, to be alive. That's when...when I started..." He felt her tense, god all he wanted was to take it all away. He stroked her head as he felt her tears fall on to his top. "To hurt myself. That's kinda why I never take this off." She said touching her mums leather jacket, she was like him never found without it. "A few months later I." Breathe Olivia, breathe, she thought. "Let's just say I really didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't want to be alive, so I tried to stop everything."

Trigger warning end

"Liv." She sat up to look at him, a few tears falling down his face now. She wiped them away with her hand, smiling a weak smile at him. He couldn't imagine not having her there.

"It's ok Reg. I'm ok I promise and I meant it when I said that has so much to do with you guys, with you. But I don't want you to think if you...if this." She said pointing between the two of them. "didn't work out I wouldn't be ok. I'm in such a different head space now. I know I'm here for a reason and because they're gone means I need to keep going and be their legacy."

"I'm sorry." He looked at her their faces so close. She really was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. He'd give anything to stay like this forever, close to her.

"Why?" She couldn't move away from him. Something about the way he looked at her made her like herself a little more. It was a weird feeling to know someone else could like you more then you like yourself.

"I shouldn't have pushed." He cupped his hands around her cheeks never wanting to be far away from her ever again.

"Reggie I promise it's ok." She put her hands around his. "You would've noticed the scars at some point anyway, and there is something about you. I could literally tell you anything if you asked, I can't seem to keep anything from you."

"Well I'm glad that you can tell me anything, I'm glad you're better with your words than I am." She smiled at him a little laugh falling from her lips, shaking her head.