𝚃𝙾𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙴

𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚍

I laid in my bed, wrapped in my blankets, hot choco in my hand.
In front of me, i put my laptop with my favourite movie.
Tears streamed down my face, not only because the movie was sad. I had watched it a million times already, but still 'the fault in our stars' always managed to make me ball my eyes out over and over again.

No, that wasn't the only reason.
A way more important and probably the main reason was, that i had to spend the evening alone again. You may think, that that is normal.
Yes for the average person, who isn't in a relationship, this is very much normal, but for me this wasn't normal at all. Normal for me would be laying in bed with my boyfriend, who became my fiancé a few weeks ago, cuddling and enjoying our time, but guess what.
Here i laid, balling my eyes out because he had better things do to, than spending time with his fiancé.
What has my life become?
I thought, wiping away the salty tears with my sleeve.
Then suddenly, i heard the door click. He has decided to show up at home. Congratulations.

I sighed again, turing off my laptop.
I decided to pretend being asleep so he wouldn't have to see me in that state.
I wrapped myself in the blanket, staring out of the window only to see a black crow flapping their wings.
I averted my gaze and closed my eyes. I heard the door opening and froze.
The small ray of light, that i was very aware not to come in contact with, stayed there for a solid two minutes.
I could hear his breath going unsteady. I could feel his eyes eyeing me up and down, debating whether he should join me in the bed or close the door again.
I hated myself for knowing him that well, knowing what he will do, because it just raised my anxiety on a level that was almost unbearable.

Taeyong PoV:

The cold door nib almost burned the skin of my palm.
There she laid, so innocent. The window stood wide open, causing the curtains to flow in the cold night air, making them look like ghosts disturbing the sleep of the girl i loved the most.
Ah that must be why the door nib is ice cold. I thought by myself, looking at the black night sky.
I shivered.
If it was because of the cold air or the huge lie i had built up the last few weeks? Not even i knew in that second.
Right there i saw a black crow flapping their wings and flying away. Was that a sign?
I haven't had the guts to join her in the bed after all the stuff i've done to hurt her, so i just stood there and waited, very aware of my breathing becoming more unsteady with every second that passed.
I was shaking. All these lies welled up in my mind making me extra weak. Then i closed the door, leaving her behind in the cold bedroom.
To make up my mind and get a clear mind i decided to sleep in the guest room today.
I betrayed her, my fiancé.

Taeha PoV:

The door closed and the small ray of light minimized itself until just a slight bit of light managed to break through the darkness.
A shiver went down my spine and i closed my eyes, concentrating on my breathing as that was the only sound to be heard in the suffocating silence. Alone in a cold bedroom with an open window, letting even more of the cold air inside, has always been one of my fears.
Taeyong knew about that, but he still left me behind in the darkness.
I wrapped myself in more blankets to prevent the cold air from hitting my body. Suddenly I felt steaming hot tears travel down my face, eventually staining my bedsheet by forming a puddle.

Insomnia was hitting me hard this night. All those thoughts circeled through my head, searching for a reaslistic reason why he stayed out and didn't join me in the bed.

Every possible reason jumped in my head but in the meantime i clearly avoided that one thought that eventually became reality.
Would he betray me? Suddenly i couldn't hold it back anymore.
Could that be the reason? I pondered but quickly managed to get it out of my head again.. well at least i managed to not think about it anymore, but deep inside me, the thoughts found a place to rest and destroy more of me.
A piece of my heart broke and accepted the harsh reality. Its only a matter of time until my mind will fully accept what had happened this evening.
T

he sound of wind howling through the trees made me wide awake again. Sitting up in my bed, i massaged my head, trying to focus.

I grabbed the waterbottle on my nightstand and chugged down half a liter of the ice cold water to refresh my mind. I walked over to our bedroom door, thinking that it would maybe help me if i get some fresh air or at least walk around a bit.
I turned the door nib and entered the hallway. Soft moonlight enlightened the floor and the opposite wall where we hung up framed memories of us two.
I sighed looking at them. Even though i didn't know if something serious had happened, i still had a feeling that all of this would be over sooner or later.