(Request from @hardywoman99)
Talk to anyone and they will say the same thing, being the child of a parent with either past or current addiction issues, regardless of whatever that addiction is tough. Take all of that into consideration and then add into the mix, that parent being a famous wrestler whose struggles are well documented, living in a small town where everyone knows who you are and your business and getting stared at and whispered about everywhere your turn, it makes it all the more harder to show your face in public.
As I sit on the sofa with my school bag by the door, ready for yet another day of judgement and whispers, I come to the realisation that I need a break from it all, I mean, if all I am seen as is the next generation of crap, I might as well live up to the hype right?. Texting my friends my change of plan for the day, I hear my mo's footsteps come into the room, my two little sister's steps close behind her. Looking up, I look at Ruby as I hear her say, with excitement in her voice "Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. Daddy's home today", oh fantastic.... well if I wasn't going in before, I sure as hell am not going to now. Looking at my sister Looking at my sister and then back to my phone, I sarcastically reply to her "woohoo, I can't wait" "Ellie Brittany Hardy, Pack it in now" I hear out mom scold as the girls left the room, chasing each other, replying back to my best friend, I ask my mom, not really caring about the answer, nor how I sounded "so when is daddy dearest coming home. I simply can't wait to see him" "firstly, your attitude at the moment is disgusting Ellie, I think I need to have words with your Uncle and Auntie about you being over their as often as you are and secondly, he will be here when you get home from school and he wants words with you about the way you have been acting recently he is concerned as am I". Concerned? Words about how I have been acing? That's a bit pot calling the kettle black I'm sure "wow! Daddy dearest is actually doing some parenting of his oldest mistake... I'm shocked, I feel so lucky" "what happened between the two of you Ellie, you and your dad used to be so close, I know he has......."but before she could finish, I grabbed my bag and walked towards the door, glancing at my sister and the excitement in their faces at Dad's imminent return home. I hated to admit it but seeing them that excited about the man coming home made me feel jealous, jealous at their opportunity to still have that childhood innocence after everything he had put us through as a family. I would kill for any of my family but after seeing everything I had seen, there was a massive part of me that wished that I hadn't of been born into the 'famous Hardy family' and that I had a normal family, that no one knew and I could've had a normal upbringing.
Walking over to the gate to our property, I pull out my phone and message my Auntie Reby to see weather she needed a hand with the boys later seeing as Uncle Matt was at a taping loop for AEW, because even the thought of seeing my father later was enough to make me not want to go home at all. I don't like causing an atmosphere in the household, especially with Ruby and Nera being so young but I just can not understand how, after everything he had done, how or even why we were meant to act like none of it had happened. After finally getting to the gate and seeing my friends waiting for me, I hear my phone chime and read my Auntie's reply telling me that I didn't have to ask, I could come round whenever I wanted or needed to, that was the one thing I loved about my Auntie, she could read me like a book, even better than my own parents. Even through his own demons, my Uncle had always made sure that I was okay through every relapse my sorry excuse of a father had, when the attention of my mother was on the youngest two and he always made sure that whenever I needed it, I had a friendly ear to talk to, a place to escape to and even a bedroom to sleep in when I needed it and my Auntie always made sure that I had an outlet to be creative safely and was the person who persuaded me to unleash my creative juices.
As the hours went by and after spending the whole school day out of town shopping with my friends at a mall, I was walking back towards the house, shopping bags a plenty. As I got closer and saw the house, a mixture of anxiety, anger and frustration punched me in the stomach with a hint of sadness. There is a lot of things, especially growing up faster than Ii had to that I don't understand still about my father and one of those things was why he had chosen to try and parent me after all the years of almost not bothering and taking the role of the distant parent. I had done well without him up until now, I could cope. Opening the door, my sisters giggles filled the air, fighting back my tears of anger I attempt to sneak upstairs, failing miserably after stepping on the wrong part of the squeaky step, as soon as the squeak rung out, I instantly hear "Ellie Brittany Hardy...... in here. NOW!" Leaving my shopping bags by the stairs, I walk into the lounge and with the fakest smile I could physically muster for the man respond"why hello daddy dearest, what a surprise, I thought you were still on the road". Watching my mom and sister leave the room and the seeing the look of fury on my fathers face, I couldn't help but smirk at the reaction I was getting "where have you been?" I hear my father question, trying his hardest to keep his anger at bay "school" I reply back nonchalantly. Seeing the vein on his head bulge as he walks over to me, I stand my ground "try again Ellie" he seethes, great just great, the vein is bulging and he still thinks he has a right to lecture me, why doesn't he just focus on the other two and not screwing them up. Losing my temper, I look at my father, fury in my eyes and respond by saying the one thing I now will hurt him " well daddy dearest, I thought I would follow in the footsteps of my sorry excuse of a pill popping father like everyone at school seems to think I should do so I found a bench out of town to pop some pills and get drunk on. You have no idea what it is like for me, being the oldest daughter of the famous wrestling family with the pill popping father. Anywhere I go, everyone has an opinion. Its okay for Rubes and Nera, they don't remember you being off your face and putting us all through hell as we wondered if you were going to wake up from your latest binge. I was the one who would hear mom crying and comfort her. Do you remember what you even said to me when you were like that? When I would beg for my daddy and not the man you were being? You told me that i was nothing more to you than a mistake and how I should've never been born and that Ruby and Nera were the only daughter you wanted. Why do you think dad I spend most of my time over at Uncle Matt's and Auntie Reby's? I spend my time with them because they actually care and bother about me unlike my own parents do, but I will let you into a secret, I wish and prey that you were right, I wish I had never been born to this family, I wish I wasn't your daughter and I wish I wasn't a Hardy". Taking a deep breath after my outburst, I look at my fathers face and for the first time in a long time, I see it full of emotion, emotion I hadn't seen for a long time, as he opens his mouth to say something we turn as we hear my mother come int the room "you are upsetting your sister's Ellie, stop now" "this is exactly what I mean, their emotions always ALWAYS come before mine and I am sick of it". Looking at my father and his mouth opening and shutting like a fish, I scoff as I run upstairs, tears running down my face and slam the door as finally I hear my father yell "Ellie, El wait please".
As time went past and the light outside my window changed from blue to red to black, I didn't know how long had gone passed since I had blown up and let rip at my father over everything I had been feeling, nor did I know how long I had been crying for all I knew was I was exhausted and could sleep for a week plus some. As I shut my eyes, ready to fall asleep, out of nowhere I hear a knock at my bedroom door and hear my dad's voice say as he poked his head around the door "Is it okay If I come in Pumpkin?", a nickname that made me smile softly to myself as he walked in with my back still to him, not trusting my voice or emotions. Hearing him walk around my bedroom, I fight the urge to look up at him as I hear him ask, shock in his voice,all the while standing by my easel he had brought me for Christmas the year before last "Is that me". Siting up a little to watch him as he went through more of the art work scattered nearby, I hear him say as he picks up the big piece Auntie Reby had been helping me with for a art project at school of him and Uncle Matt at Wrestlemania and their return "You are so talented Pumpkin, I am just sorry I have never seen it til now". Sitting up fully, and not trusting the sound of my voice, I simply hug my knees and stare out of the window as my father sat down on the edge of the bed near me "El, please look at me", looking towards the man who was once upon time a hero to me I look at the emotion on his face as he carries on "Ellie, I am really really sorry that we have made you feel the way that you have for so long. I have just got off the phone to Uncle Matt who in between tearing me a new asshole like your nanny would've done if she was still here and he told me everything. Ellie, I want you to know how sorry I am for the things I have said and have put you through when you were growing up, you saw things that no child should've had to have witnessed but I want you to know something. I have never once had any regrets about having you as my daughter, neither has mom. After everything you have gone through with me fucking up time and time again, you have been my shining star and my focus to get myself well and healthy every single time. The fact I have made you feel so worthless breaks my heart".
Hearing the emotion in my fathers voice brought tears to my eyes, sitting forward a little, my emotions all over the place, I place my small hand on top on his canvas esque like hand, the way I used to when I was younger and we used to spend time together in the good times. Feeling me move closer and the act of bridging the imaginary divide between us with something so small, I hear my dad continue as he squeezed my hand in his "I am going to change and we are going to work on our relationship again, get it back to how it used to be when you were younger, and me and your mom are going to work out school, maybe enrol you into doing at home schooling. I know its asking a lot, but can you forgive me Els... please. Flinging my arms around his neck just like I used to when I was Ruby's age, I reply back with tears running down my face and emotion obvious in my voice "Of course daddy. Can you forgive me though, I didnt mean what I said, I am proud to be your daughter", looking up at him, still in the embrace of my father I hear him reply while smiling and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear "there is nothing to forgive Pumpkin"
As we sit together, I cant help but think, I don't know if my dad is going to stick to what he has said and stick to the changes or if we are going to have to deal with another relapse but all I know is that however i may feel, i need my daddy in my life, plus that's face it I'm a Hardy woman, if anything my hard headed ness will always make sure that i wont give up on him.
