Synesthetes' Game (Published under Immac PPH)

X. Manner of Death

BLAISE

I noticed that there's someone standing near the doorstep. Just then, our eyes met. It was Harith Bracken, a friend of mine who sees me more than just a friend, with his usual looks—messy hair, pointed nose, and he's still wearing eyeglasses. Pero kapansin-pansin sa mukha nito ang pag-aalala na nahaluan ng pananaghili.

"H-Harith . . ." I called him.

Kumalas na si Rufus sa pagkakayakap sa 'kin saka dali-daling pinihit ang leeg patungo sa direksyon ni Harith. "Living lie detector? C-Come in," he commanded.

Dahan-dahan niyang inihakbang ang mga paa niya papasok saka umupo sa couch. Nakita ba niya na hinalikan ako ni Rufus sa noo? Narinig kaya niya ang pinag-usapan namin? Kung narinig man niya ang lahat-lahat, pakiwari ko ay nasaktan ko siya. But I didn't mean to hurt his feelings.

I looked at Harith then saw the blue color on his face. I knew it. He was hurting.

"Alis muna ako, Blaise. May bibilhin lang ako. I'm pretty certain that Harith won't let something bad happen to you." He excused himself.

After Rufus left us, a deafening silence prevailed inside the room. Ang awkward! I couldn't think some topic to discuss with. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Kulang na lang may mag-play ng sound ng crickets sa background. Parang gusto ko na lang maging kulangot sa pader.

"Blaise . . ." Siya na ang nangahas na sumira sa katahimikan sa pagitan namin.

When I turned my gaze at him, he was not looking at me. He's looking somewhere else.

I had to clear my throat before answering. "What is it?" I asked.

"Hindi mo ba talaga ako nagustuhan?" he gallantly said then finally turned his gaze at me.

I gulped. "I'm sorry, Harith, but . . . hindi talaga. I mean, I only see you as one of my acquaintances back then, and considered you as one of my friends now. 'Yon lang. I'm sorry if . . . I can't love you back. I'm sorry if—"

"No, no, no! It's not your fault, it's mine," he abruptly cut me off. "We really can't make people to love us back, can we?" he said and his voice cracked. He then averted his gaze.

I bit my lower lip, refraining myself not to cry.

"And there's nothing we can do about it. Siguro, aasa na lang ako na isang araw, may makaa-appreciate din sa 'kin. That someone will love me back," he continued while his tears were streaming down his cheeks.

I pitied him. Nasaktan ako nang sobra dahil sa sinabi ni Harith. 'Yong feeling na nagi-guilty ka pero sa totoo lang ay wala ka naman talagang kasalanan. Hindi ko intensyon na saktan siya. Sadyang hindi lang talaga siya ang gusto ng puso ko.

"Harith, listen," sabi ko sa kaniya saka umupo ako nang maayos bago magpatuloy, "we oftentimes think that we're unlovable when someone rejected us. But that's erroneous. Out of seven billion people in this planet, alam kong may isang magmamahal sa 'yo, just the way you are. And I guess, hindi ako 'yon," dugtong ko.