Christmas with the Calvins

Chapter Thirty-One

Bernard and Jessica sat at their kitchen table, staring at each other. A fresh pot of hot chocolate sat between them. Jess wrapped her hand around a peppermint striped mug and brought it to her lips. Her husband fidgeted nervously with his shirt sleeves. Both elves were waiting impatiently for the other to speak.

"How did we even get this way?" Bernard sighed at last.

"Well it probably comes down to the fact that you are clearly upset about something, but you are using classic avoidance technics to displace the majority of that anger and aim it at me instead." Jess rambled off. Bernard stared back at her not really sure what to say. His wife wasn't exactly wrong, but he didn't understand what brought her to this conclusion.

"I might have read some of Neil's psychology books back when I was living with him and my mom." She shrugged. "At first I thought you'd come around to telling me whatever it was that was really bothering you. Then after a few weeks nothing changed, so I thought maybe you really were mad at me. That's when I started avoiding you. You can be rude and short tempered when you're not mad at someone, let alone if you have legitimate anger towards them." Bernard couldn't deny that he was short tempered. Every elf at the pole knew that, but he never intentionally take out his anger or frustration on Jessica.

"When Mom and Dad got divorced I was, like, ten years old." Jess remembered aloud. "I was old enough to know that they'd been unhappy with each other for a long time, but I just thought that's how parents were. Dad would come home late from work and miss something important and Mom would get mad at him for it, so she would retaliate by not cooking dinner the next night. Which only made Dad more mad so he would do something even worse to her. They went back and forth like that for some time until one day, we were all sitting down to dinner. They started fighting, like actually yelling at each other. The first time that had ever happened as far as I can remember. The next thing I knew they were going to see a psychiatrist for marriage counseling. That's how they met Neil." Jessie's eyes began to well up as she spoke. "And not long after that, Mom and Dad were divorced. It all happened so fast. Mom moved out with Charlie, who was only a year or two old, but I wanted to stay at the house with my dad. I wanted everything to stay the same, it all changed so quickly. We'd gone from a normal family dinner to opposite sides of town in the blink of an eye. I year later Mom was dating Neil and two or three years after that they were married." At this point the tears were rolling down her cheeks. "At ten years old, when most kids were dreaming about becoming fairytale princesses or an astronaut or whatever, I was just wishing for a normal family. And I held on to that until I turned sixteen."

"Isn't that when we..." Bernard reached out and wiped away his wife's tears with his sleeve. It was something that he didn't typically like to do because, as he'd told Jessica many years ago, wiping tears away with your sleeves only makes your eyes redder. But she was his wife and he was doing his best to comfort her.

"Yeah," Jessie nodded. She batted her eyes in an attempt to clear her eyes. "Yeah that's how old I was when we met. It was shaping out to be a pretty crappy Christmas that year. I didn't realize Dad was actually Santa. As far as I knew, he was just keeping up with the story to stay connected with Charlie. He lured me to Mom and Neil's under the pretense that we were going to look at the Christmas lights across town. I only told him I'd go if he agreed not to celebrate Christmas that year." She scoffed sadly. "And then there was this small man, an elf, at least that's what Dad had called you."

"You told me I was too tall to be an elf." Bernard reminisced. He placed one of his hands lovingly on hers.

"To which you countered I was too short to be a human." Jess smiled.

"I remember." Bernard replied. "That was the Christmas that you told me you loved my handwriting. I'd never shown anyone my post-Christmas speech before but I made the exception for you. You smelled like citrus. A scent that's in short supply around here. It's the first thing I smell in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. And your laugh, Jessie, your laugh reminds me so much of the bells on Santa's sleigh. Which was my favorite sound until I met you."

"Then what the hell happened?" Jess snapped. She pulled her hand away from her husband and he noticed her voice was raised. "We used to be happy Bernard! You used to love to come home with me at night. You would bring your work home with you, we'd sit on the couch, I'd read a book and you'd do you paperwork and at the end of the night, we'd fall asleep in each other's arms. Now a days, I'm lucky if you even stop by the paint shop. I don't know what to do Bernard." Jessica began to sob. Ugly fat tears were rolling down her face and her eyes turned red and puffy. "I just want you to love me again."

"Oh, Jessie!" Bernard felt tears welling up in his own eyes. He cupped his wife's face in his hands. "Listen to me Jessica Calvin." His said firmly. "I have never ever stopped loving you. I may have been under a lot of pressure, and I may not have been the best husband in the world, but I promise you I never stopped loving you. And I cannot apologize enough for making you feel the way that I did. Jessie for the past few months all I have been worried about is losing you."

"Well you sure have a funny way of showing it." Jessica snorted, but then she thought of something Curtis had said months ago. "Does this have something to do with the Mrs. Clause? If Dad doesn't find a wife by Christmas, he'll just be Scott Calvin again and when he moves back home, I won't be able to see Charlie, or Lucy or anyone from my old life. Are you worried that I'll start to resent you, if I can't see my family anymore?"

"The thought might have crossed my mind." Bernard gulped, his hands slid off his wife's face.

"Bernard you idiot." Jess rolled her eyes. " I'm not going to hate you if my Dad isn't Santa Claus anymore. I might have been young when I married you, but even then I knew that someday Mom, Neil, Charlie, and Dad, they're all going to move on with their lives at some point. But I'll still be here at the pole. And that idea never really scared me because I knew I had you for however many hundreds of years elves live. All I've ever wanted was you, having my dad around was just a bonus."

"I love you, Jessica."

"And I love you. Bernard." Jess leaned forward and Kissed her husband.

"Hang on, hang on," The Head Elf pulled away. "I'm not going to do this unless you say that we're okay. Everything is fine between us?"

"Yes." Jess kissed him again. "Yes, Santa's grumpiest elf, everything is fine. Come on let's go to bed." She tugged her husband up on his feet.

"Bed?" Bernard hesitated. "Jessie the work day's just started!"

"I know!" His wife winked at him.

"Ohhh, bed right." His eyes widened with realization. "It's been awhile since we've, ah, gone to bed together."

"Then quit talking and get in here!" Jess called from the bedroom.