Drawn to You

Fifth Victim: Iwaizumi Hajime

roses are red
violets are blue
Iwa-chan loves Kageyama
but so do you
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.
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and everyone else
ok but ngl, this chapter is kinda depressing :/

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The feelings. They started out normal, so Iwaizumi didn't understand how they did a full 180. Okay, so maybe not a 180 , but they did do some sort of turn. Iwaizumi liked Kageyama, platonically at first. They had a normal relationship: senpai and kouhai. See? Normal. So when did the feelings come and drop kick him in the heart?

They first met in Junior High in the volleyball club, and honestly, Kageyama was cute (he says that platonically). He was still cute now, but back then Kageyama always followed after his senpais with sparkles of awe and respect in his perfect blue eyes. It made Iwaizumi beam with pride. Iwaizumi could see how much fun Kageyama always had playing volleyball. He could see how much the boy loved volleyball with all his heart. That was adorable, he says that platonically.

But when Kageyama was on the court, he was a different person. He played exceptionally. It was majestical. Whenever they would practice and Iwaizumi would hit one of Kageyama's balls, his blood always seemed to boil. It wasn't like when he would hit the ball Oikawa had set. It wasn't like when he was playing with the team either. It was its own special feeling and it sent shivers up his spine. It was all so exhilarating and addicting. The ravenette had this special power to bring out the best in people whenever he was their setter. And the setter was always so happy when he did.

Throughout their third year, Oikawa always got on his nerves. As a senpai and the captain and a setter, Oikawa should've taken Kageyama under his wing. But no. He was too much of a jealous bastard to do so. To a certain point, he could understand the bastard, but leaving Kageyama like that and ignoring Kageyama was too much. But it's not like he could've done anything. He couldn't understand what they were both going on about because he wasn't a setter. The ace could only watch from the sideline and step in when he needed to. And then that incident ruined everything.

Iwaizumi was heading to the gym to lock it up, until he noticed that the light was still on and the sound of sneakers squeaking could be heard. He peered inside just in time to see Kageyama running up to Oikawa. He started to head towards them but ended up bolting to them instead, just in time to catch the hand of Oikawa who was this close to hitting Kageyama. Iwaizumi knew that the brownette was going through a lot since their loss, but to raise a hand at his kouhai, much less Kageyama made him see red! But he had to remain calm, for Kageyama. So quickly, he told the boy to go pack up so he could head home. The blue-eyed boy complied and quickly left after muttering an apology. When the small boy was finally out of sight, he turned to Oikawa, anger rekindled. Just as he was about to start shouting, he got a glimpse at his eyes. In Oikawa's brown eyes was regret, and yet gratefulness. Gratefulness that he was stopped in time. Iwaizumi sighed. This was getting too complicated.

Kageyama rarely showed his face to them after that.

He really despised the members of the volleyball team, after the third years graduated, as of now. He really hated Kumini and Kindaichi right now. What the fuck were they thinking? Leaving Kageyama like that and dissolving his trust was the stupidest move they could ever do. Kageyama had always been awkward and blunt, but he was never like that on purpose. If what the two younger boys were saying was true, then that meant that Kageyama had a reason too. For all they knew, he could've been going through something hard and just didn't know how to cope with it (how right he was). A volleyball team was a family, they always stuck together. Every member of the team was important, and yet they all collectively decided to kick someone as precious as Kageyama out because he was too much of a "tyrant". For someone like Kageyama to be kicked out of a family that revolved around something he devoted his life to, it must've done something to his brain, mentally and emotionally. And he wasn't even there to reach out to him. In the past, whenever he could, he would try to train Kageyama. Try to teach Kageyama something new about the game. Try to enlarge Kageyama's love of volleyball because he found it admirable. Just try to be there for Kageyama. His efforts worked, but he wasn't able to actually connect to Kageyama, at least on a deeper level. He couldn't think like Kageyama when it was about setting the ball. So he left it to the actual setters. Not to mention that he was a third year. He didn't have the time to initiate the connection, so he left it to Kunimi and Kindaichi. And now they left him. But what could Iwaizumi do now?

When they met again, at the practice match, he was happy. His kouhai was able to find a team that seemed like they could be his family. They played well. He could give them that, but he could also see a divideness. They could win this game, but Oikawa still had to show up. On the contrary, Karasuno won. Impressive. But this was just the beginning.

He felt giddy when they won the match against Karasuno. He shouldn't have, but he did. He had looked around and noticed that everyone else did too. He then looked at Kageyama, and that feeling dimmed a little. Kageyama was bent over on the floor, caving in on himself, sweat (or was that tears) was covering the floor. But what could he do? This was a match. He was their rival. Iwaizumi wasn't his senpai anymore. But...but he wanted to head to where Kageyama was and wrap him up in a hug. And he was close to doing it, but the hug coming from his teammates trapped him, so he had to stand there, in a hug, watching his previous kouhai who was the actual one who needed a hug. But what could he do?

Aoba Johsai's lost hurt, but he was happy. Kageyama was happy, so he was too. He should've questioned that, but he didn't. Seeing Kageyama cheering and hugging his teammates, his friends , was enough. Kageyama glowed, and it wasn't because of the fluorescent light. Iwaizumi honestly couldn't stop a fond looking from appearing. Kageyama had grown into a wonderful player, setter, and person over all. Kageyama didn't need a hand anymore. Kageyama was finally at peace with himself, even if only a little. But now, seeing Kageyama, he understands why. He understands why seeing Kageyama happy, why everything involved around Kageyama makes his heart stir. He was in love.

Their relationship was just senpai and kouhai. Nothing more, nothing less. And he wanted to change that, so bad, but his past self knew there was no point in trying. So you know what he did? He left it at that. He convinced himself that nothing would change. He told himself over and over again that he couldn't be the one to reach out to Kageyama. He couldn't be the one that Kageyama could depend on, because Oikawa was. Past Iwaizumi was a child. He could've had a chance, but the setter always paid more attention to Oikawa. Past Iwaizumi was also a jealous bastard. Oh, how he wants to go back to the past just so he could spike a ball at child Iwaizumi's head and knock some sense into him because by not reaching out, Kageyama was left to his despair, alone. Now though, Kageyama had finally grown up. Kageyama didn't need a hand to reach out to him anymore. This time, it seemed like Kageyama was the one reaching out.

Senpai and kouhai. That was all they were. That was all they were in the past . The past can't be changed, but the future can. So this time he'll finally reach out.

He just hopes Kageyama will be there to take his hand too, as he will always to Kageyama.

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as you can see, this chapter really revolved around their former relationship as senpai and kouhai, and i really wanted to dive into that, so this chapter was made. I feel like his senpai/kouhai relationship with kageyama was really important to him because it defined what they were and in the end, has this guilt eating away at him bc of what happened with oikawa and Kag's fall even if he didn't play a big part in it, but he was still a big impact to Kag's insecurities since Kageyama also really looked up to him and he wasn't there in Tobio's time of need, if that makes sense. This then lead to the phrase that I repeated a lot in this chapter: reach(ing) out. Iwaizumi doesn't try to reach out because he's scared, but the moment he does, Kageyama doesn't need him anymore. But Iwaizumi still reaches out, hoping that this time he can actually reach Kageyama and instead of only him helping/saving Kageyama, it's directed back to him. An interesting chapter I know.