Seeing in Color

Twenty-Eight

Katie

No one really notices the small details. The way the wind blows someone's hair to the side when they turn to smile at you, the glow of amber around a blue iris in the sunlight, a small splash of hidden freckles underneath a deep tan.

I notice these things. I always see them out of the corner of my eyes, dancing around my vision for attention.

I cherished these minor details and stored them into memory as Travis walked me up the school steps to the homecoming dance. My heart was pounding to the beat of the song reeling through my spinning head. Dean Lewis's voice filled my head as Travis took my hand.

"I feel ridiculous in this outfit. I never wear dress clothes," Travis blushed and glanced down at his tan slacks and white button up shirt. Our eyes met and I felt my face grow warmer.

Oh now you're looking at me, and I'm looking at you like a fool...

He had asked me to the dance the week before, and ever since I had been a mess, desperately hoping that I wouldn't screw this up. This was a chance to start over...

Several people were flooding the hallways, heading to the gym for the dance. There were others there with dresses, a rainbow of color against the dull hues of the tile floor and lockers. I felt better about wearing a dress at this sight. Travis linked his arm with mine and smiled sheepishly again.

I loved his smile. It lit up my entire world, letting in a bit of happiness into my saddened life.

But you don't know what if feels like to fall in love with you...

The gym was packed with high schoolers, some bouncing to the song already on the speakers, others flooding the buffet line of food. We spotted our friends, who waved us over to where they stood by the bleachers. Connor came alone to the dance, but he and Kayla were heading to the dance floor already. They nodded at us as we passed each other. Connor winked at me, a smirk on his face. Kayla raised an eyebrow at the sight of Travis's arm around mine. I blushed and looked away.

Other friends flooded us, and Travis let go of me, drifting farther into the crowd. I stood frozen at the edge of the sea of teenagers, most of whom I was strangers with, and felt like the world was spinning.

Travis...

No you don't know what it's like when you can't go back...

My mind slipped into chaos, suddenly feeling alone in this room of people. Faces blurred into smudges of paint, voices mumbled and broken like an old record too worn out to listen to anymore.

I'm alone again.

Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you...

I was five years old again. My left hand clutched a yellow balloon. Dust covered my tan overalls, a mustard hot dog stain on the shoulder of my white t-shirt underneath. My tiny cheeks were red from the sun. My long brown eyelashes blinked sunlight and dust out, searching the crowd desperately for something. My five-year-old self kept looking around. Hundreds of people flooded around me, passing by without a second glance, laughing or yelling, going from one carnival stall to another without so much as a hello or a worried look. A tear pooled out of my small green eyes and trickled down my dirty face. My lungs felt empty; I couldn't cry out for help. I just stood there, holding my yellow balloon, waiting for something...someone...

They never showed up.

I was all alone in that crowd, abandoned by someone...who was it?

A flash of a white smile. The smell of roses and dirt. The taste of garden tomatoes, the feeling of a hand running through my hair gently.