CLOSER | H.S.

05.

Scarlet's pov.

"Take a look at yourself and make a change."

Michael Jackson — Man In The Mirror

-

It was my day back, I was dreading returning to that club. I was too unstable to go to work the night before, so Lara covered for me. I told her everything that happened, there was no need to hide things from her. Except for the fact of who the man was, which I figured I could get into a lot of trouble if I told anyone about that.

That day, the only thing I could find out about him was his last name after a brief search through Vogue. Styles. That's the only thing I needed to know.

I spent the whole night in a bath tub filled with scents and a bath bomb, with some calming hippie music in the background. That was everything I needed, really. It felt cleasing.

For some reason, whatever happened to me made me feel alive. I felt like I was completely wasting my life on stupid things. I felt so... Shallow. I had to make changes, immediately. 

I never wanted to do drugs again.

The experience I had was traumatic enough for me to realise that whatever I felt when I was high, was not worth it.

It would be hard, my mind and body would want me to drag myself into it again, but I had to be strong. But I was okay... For now.

I wanted to be smart.

I want to be the woman who can hold a conversation for more than ten minutes, a woman with opinion. There is nothing I hate most than feeling dumb, which is something I felt too often.

I will go to a public library, I will read books. Hell, I'll even read the newspaper.

I will fucking read my brains out.

I want to be strong.

I am emotionally strong. I have the ability to get over someone or something that should be considered inhuman. But that wasn't enough.

I want to stand up for myself, I never want to be in the position I was when that man was towering me. I never want to be powerless again.

And I will do everything I can.

Patience was the key. I couldn't just quit my job right now, but I will do my best to leave it as soon as I can.

So my chin was up in the air when the sun hit its set today, when I walked in that club, with my little backpack and my juice box in my hands.

I greeted every girl that was already there in the small dressing room filled with mirrors and pentyhose flying in the air. I smiled, because I will not let myself be shaken.

I did my make up, put on my radiant sparkly fishnets, my too-high-heels, my lingerie and the clothes that would soon be stripped.

Lara sat by my side the whole time, talking to me, making sure I was really okay. And I really was.

"That's something I need to do, y'know? It can't be bad." I finished my thought after telling her my master plan. She seemed to enjoy it, she might even tag along.

"It would be nice to be taken seriously for a change", she said slowly. "I think I wanna do that too, V."

See?

"It's gonna be so much fun, Lara!" I got excited as I raised my hands in the air, for her to give me a high five. But she quickly shushed me.

"Sorry", I called her by her name inside of the club. That could never happen.

"It's either L or Crystal, it ain't that hard to remember."

I know every girl in this club, but I can't remember the real name of them. Not even one. Just Lara, really. It was kind of a silent rule, everyone in here had a second identity, had a second life where they just pretended they weren't strippers; so we don't mix those two worlds. We rarely go out together, the only time we get to hang out is before the show when we're getting ready.

"Scarlet be ready, you're right after me!" Chastity, the tall beautiful woman spoke to me. She was also the only trans between us. She was so friendly and powerful... She reminded me a little bit of Beyoncé.

"Ok, thanks." I gathered my stuff on my backpack and got my red lingerie ready, so I won't lose time. This is when I have fun, where I get to dance and no one gets to touch me.

"See ya" I waved goodbye to Lara.

I stood behind the stage, just waiting for my turn, thinking of positive things so I wouldn't look like a corpse whilst dancing. To be a performer, it is absolutely your obligation to look happy and pass it on to the crowd, no matter if you're Rihanna or just a third class stripper.

I lost my train of thought when my name was called through the speakers and my song started to play.

"Dirty, Rotten, Filthy, Stinky!"

The thick voice of several men screamed quickly on the song being followed by a heavy guitar. I got out of the curtain, men cheering my presence. I couldn't see any of them, the spotlight blinding me.

"She's my cherry pie, cool drink of water such a sweet surprise-"

I walked slowly to the silver pole in front of me, involving it with the grip of both of my hands. I slid down with it in between my legs.

"Tastes so good make a grown man cry, sweet Cherry Pie yeah-"

I yanked my head back, making my black curls fly in the air. I held the pole in one of my hands, rocking my body back and forth and bringing myself on my feet again. The heavy sound of the guitar involved my whole body, making me shiver in excitement. I jumped, holding myself in the air by my legs and spinned.

"Well swinging on the front porch, swinging on the lawn, swinging where we want 'cause there ain't nobody home-"

Legs up, head down. Shake boobs, shake ass. Remove shirt. Manly screams.

"Swingin' to the left and swingin' to the right, I think about baseball, I'll swing all night, yeah, yeah, yeah-"

To the floor, booty up on the floor. Out with the skirt. Screams.

"Swingin in the living room, swingin' in the kitchen, most folks don't 'cause they're too busy bitchin'-"

Tip time. To the front. Rock that booty, rock that boob. Fake flirt. Screams. Money. Lust.

"Sweet Cherry pie!"

Lights out. Over.

A few bucks were on the floor, thankfully no one could see me picking them up and sticking them on my bra.

I swiftly made my way to the back, where my clumsy self put all my bills inside of my backpack, stripping right there alongside other girls that were changing to their lap dance outfits.

"Scarlet, lap dance on room two!" One of the staff shouted.

Damn.

*

As promised, here it is. I'm so tired. Bye bye.

Scarlet danced to Cherry Pie, by Warrant

(I really love mj just so you know. Like really.)