CLOSER | H.S.

29.

Scarlet's pov.

"Must be exhausting to lose your own game."

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

-

Ever since I decided to give Zayn a chance, I expected to feel good again. But nothing's changed. I was still feeling empty. He was still not enough to make my heart feel warm, no matter how much I wanted him to.

The drugs still bothered me, so it was weird that I found comfort right in the place that got me into it. It wasn't exactly the place itself, it was just the stage. I would always enjoy dancing no matter what I was wearing- or wasn't- and which crowd I was dancing to. This job most of the time wasn't glorious, I wasn't respected for it nor recognized; but I felt so good when I was entertaining. I wish my whole life consisted on those three and a half minutes I got to be up there and give my all to the people, then remember that all my problems can be fixed.

I was proud of myself when I danced. I did it with passion and dignity. It meant more to me than half of those girls next to me.

I need to tell myself that everyday so I wouldn't forget. 

Passion. Dignity. Pride.

I wanted to also pursue what I came here for instead of sitting on my ass everyday.

As of now, I had to pay attention on myself because I was about to go on stage and I was missing one wing of my eye liner.

It was completely uneven when I finished drawing it, but I had no time to fix it when I was the next in line to get on stage- I didn't even know why I chose to do it in the first place, it never really works in the hurry.

And because of that, I missed something important before the dance; I forgot to tip the DJ. I had to do it everyday otherwise he would just play the songs he wanted, and that was today's case. It was never good when that happened, most of the time I didn't know the song.

So how am I going to dance to a song I've never heard before?

I didn't even have the time to enter the stage, prepare my ground. The song quickly started with the high male voice, singing lyrics I've never heard before.

"All alone she was living in a world without an end or beginning; babygirl was living life for the feeling, but I don't mind. I don't mind-"

I entered the stage, pacing quickly to the pole, trying to keep up with the beat, attempting to 'read' the long. It was a tactic to try and predict what would happen next, which beat would go down next. After the first chorus, I'm always lost, dancing and hoping that what I did would look good. But after that, it's a pattern and the beat does the same thing as it did on the first part. Then it's easier to keep up.

"And all the wrongs she committed, she was numb and she was so co-dependent. She was young and all she had was the city, but I don't mind. I don't mind-"

The beat finally slowed down, and I could safely remove my top, teasing the audience as I revealed more of my skin. I threw it aside and the tips were getting a little more generous as the old men threw the bills on stage. 

"And I know, that she's capable of anything, it's riveting. But when you wake up she's always gone, gone, gone-"  

After the bridge, it went fast again as it quickly fell into the chorus smoothly. I swam on the shallow pool of money, with my stomach facing down, my ass lifted and my legs spread apart as I wiggled it back and forth. People put bills inside of the back of my bra and into my panties.