The Beginning and End of Everything (AYS #1)

Chapter 16

We just walked across the stage at graduation. Now we're all taking pictures.

"So. Hear me out. Lets go to the beach, celebrate for the a week the last summer we have as teenagers without jobs and responsibility and just have fun. Jake has an aunt who agreed to lets us use her condo."

"Okay. Load up and let's go."

I look at them all, "actually. I cant right now. I'm going on a campus tour at MTSU in two days. I'm driving up there starting at 2 tomorrow morning."

Micah smiles, "and im going with her to drive while she sleeps."

"Well. Your loss. Me and Jake will just go spend a week on the beach. You two have fun driving for 2 days. Cause thats seriously sounds like its gonna suck."

I nod and she smiles, "at least we'll have the rest of the summer to spend together."

"We can always visit each other. I mean Micah is going to school a few hours away, so its not like I will completely be abandoning this place and you guys. I actually hope to be here quite often."

Micah and I start driving an hour later, deciding if we leave early, we will have time to stop and sleep. He decides to drive first and I just lay back, listening to the music. Micah begins singing, he wouldn't ever admit it, but he has a beautiful voice. I look at hil and its almost like the entire world stands still; the love I feel for him is almost immeasurable. He managed to take me when I was broken and remind me that people like my father actually exist, remind me that people who actually love and accept you foe who you are; can love broken girls who have had their fair ahare of heartbreak. He helped me find myself again, he helped me realize I could be a little more vulnerable. Yes I still like black and grunge and dark colors, but they dont have to be the only thing interesting about me. I can also be pretty and vulnerable and sensitive without people judging me for it. Micah is the best man I've ever known. Hell, he even vonlunteered to drive me half way across the country, so I could visit a school he doesnt even want me to be at in the next few months.

It makes it that much harder, because I do love him, more than I've ever loved anyone and I don't want to break him. But that's how it has to be, I can't allow him to not live his life because of me. I know that's exactly what he will do if we try the long distance thing; he sit there and just wait for the days when im supposed to come visit and wait for me to call him. He wont get any experience outside of me and I cant do that to him. I won't allow myself to do that to him.

We stop a hotel right in the middle of the drive and Micah checks us in. Room 12. That's where I'll have to tell him, I know he'll try to have sex with me and I cant allow that, not when I'm planning on breaking up with him.

"Okay. How about we sleep in seperate beds?"

He looks at me like I've lost my mind, "why would we sleep in seperate beds?"

"I... I dont think itd be a good idea..."

"You...youre.... Leaving me? Aren't you?"

I sit down, "I just don't want your experiences to be limited at me. And I know if I don't call this off, you'll wait for me and wont live your life when I move back to Tennessee..."

He looks at me like I've just shot him or something, "that's not your choice. You can't do this."

"I gotta, I couldn't live with myself if I knew that you were sitting around coknatantly wonderimg and worrying about me. I could not live with it if I didn't get to love you knowing that you were waiting for me. We've gotta end it Micah. It'll just be harder in the end if we keep going."

"You... You... Don't love me... Or something...?"

"I do love you. More than anything, that's why I've gotta do this. Micah, I can't..."

"You can... Baby... Please... Just wait until the end of the summer, at least give us that..."

I nod and he kisses me, "good."

He lays me back, kisses me slowly and takes off my clothes slower than he ever has before. Most times we have sex, it's compassionate and quick, fast and lime our loves depend on it; tonight was different, it was slow and loving, wonderful and just all around love. We didn't have sex or fuck or screw, we actually made love, and I find myself crying as I lay next to him because I know that will bw the last time we do that. Im not gonna keep sleeping with him, just to leave him jn the dark when this is all over.

But how do you tell your mind that something is the right thing you need to do and that it is the best option when your mind refuses to let you? I almost wanna break my promise to my dad and just go to school with Micah.... But life does not always allow us to break promises and get what we want...

I sit there staring at Micah and thinking about everything we could have been, but neither one od us are ready for the step that comes after graduating, especially not long distance. We have maturing to do and I know that. But it still breaks my heart that I can feel so much love for him and not feel like its right to stay with him.

We need to grow up and grow apart and maybe someday. If we are lucky enough, will find our way back, but you never know. We may never find our way back because we may have never been meant for each other in the first place.