Tom Holland Imagines

Just Ok

⚠️TW⚠️ Depression.

Everything in mine and Tom's relationship was going perfectly. Then one day it felt like someone had flipped a switch. Changing everything.

Looking back I wish I had payed attention to the signs earlier. Not letting it get that far.

He stopped eating as much. Getting angry quickly. Wanting to stay in bed as long as possible. Even losing his passion for work. The job he loved. It now was like a chore to him.

I came home from work one day to see Tom sat on the sofa watching tv. I knew he hadn't showered in a while. In the same clothes for over week. He currently was working at the moment.

I was beginning to grow concerned. I'd never seen him like this. I wasn't sure if he hadn't gotten an acting job he wanted. Or was just feeling ill.

'Hey Tom,' I smiled.

I just heard a grunt from the sofa.

'Had a good day?' I questioned.

I didn't hear an answer so asked again.

'Look I clearly don't want to talk,' he snapped.

'Ok. I'm just going to start dinner then.'

I heard another grunt from him.

I wandered over to the kitchen and began making his favourite. Just a basic pasta and meatballs. I had gotten the recipe perfect. It took me around 30 minutes to make. Once finished I took it over to him. Sitting on the other side of the sofa.

I tried to watch the tv, but he was all I could see out of the corner of my eye. Pushing his food around. Not eating any of it. After about 5 minutes of doing this he sat it down on the coffee table. I didn't say anything. Just growing even more concerned.

Once I'd finished my dinner I took our plates into the kitchen. I turned around and I could see him from where I was stood. He was just staring. Not at the tv. Not at his phone. Not at anything. Just staring.

This wasn't my Tom. This wasn't the Tom I knew. I didn't care if he got angry at me. I had to talk to him. Find out what was wrong. I sat on the sofa beside him. Shifting my body to face him.

'Tommy whats wrong?'

He was still sat there. Not even blinking an eye. I reached my hand to hold his placed in his lap. Giving them a squeeze.

'Tom please talk to me.'

He just shook his head.

'I'm not going to let this go. I know you inside out. This isn't like you. You've been angry, irritable. You haven't been showering, eating. How can I help.'

Tears began to form in his eyes. He turned his head facing me.

'There's nothing wrong Y/N. Why do you have to be pushy. Just leave me alone,' he snapped.

I nodded by head and pressed my lips together. Just as I was getting up his hand pulled me back down.

'Look I didn't mean to shout. It's just... it's just.'

Tears starting streaming from his eyes. Looking at him like this broke my heart. Tom the light of my life. My entire world. The glimmer in his eye has been disappearing. His daily sparkle gone. I want to help him. Get him back.

'Tom what can I do. Please is there anything I can do to help you.'

He broke down falling and crying into my chest. Wrapping his arms around my waist. Burying his head deeper into me. Trying to muffle the sound of his cries. I held onto him tightly. Not wanting to let him go. To shelter him. To help him.

'Y/N I don't know what's wrong,' he said in between cries.

'Nothing feels right. I just feel numb.I can't... I don't know what wrong me.'

I held onto him tighter.

'Tommy there's nothing wrong with you.'

He sat up and looked at me. His eyes red and puffy.

'Y/N there is something wrong with me. I don't want to do anything. All I want is sleep. Your the only person in my life that's been able to pick me up when I'm at my lowest. I know you've been trying. But nothings working. Nothing. And no this isn't a phase. I've felt like this for months now.'

'Tom you didn't have to suffer in silence. I'm here for you.'

'I didn't want to be burden,' he mumbled.

I hated the fact that he thought this. That his mind let him believe he would ever be a burden to me. I shifted closer to him. Once again taking his hands in mine.

'Tom you will never. Never be a burden to me. Everyday I choose to be with you. Choose to spend time with you. Nobody is making me do that. Please don't ever feel like your a burden. Your far from it.'

His tears had stopped falling, but I could see where they had stained his face.

'You mean that. I'm not dragging you down. A weight.'

I shook my head.

'But what about to everyone else?'

'Tom. Your friends and family we all love you. You will never be a burden to any of us.'

'But what if... what if I'm just useless.'

'You will never be useless. Not to me. Not to anyone.'

We spent the rest of the night talking. I hated to see him this way. However I knew that it was best. He finally opened up. Told me his darkest thoughts.

Yes they broke my heart. Made me want to save him. However it was needed. I knew he was hurting and just wanted someone to listen to.

It had been about three months since Tom had opened up to me. I'd managed to persuade him to get professional help. He started to take medication. I was starting to get my Tommy back. The sparkle in his eye was coming back.

Don't get me wrong there were still the bad days. During these days he always told me,

'You don't have stick around. You can leave me and my problems. Go and get a better life.'

To which I always answered,

'Why would I want to leave. I'm living my best life right now.'

I knew it was cheesy, but I meant every word. I wanted to help him get better. But I didn't want him to be just ok. I wanted to get him to enjoy his life again. He deserved it.

A/N:

If your struggling please talk to someone. Your never alone. Don't suffer in silence.