The Art of Being a F*ck Up

23. Major Boner Killer

Quiet laughter echoes down the hall while I stand outside Jonah's dorm, waiting to knock. So many people are glad now that break is ending and all their friends are trickling back to campus, but I'm not one of them. It'll be harder to ignore Maddy now—though, to be fair she gave up on trying to call me a week ago. I know it's still shitty what I'm doing to her, but I haven't yet decided how to handle what she told me. Work's not any easier either, I thought when Bill got back I wouldn't have to worry as much, but seeing him again, even after just talking to him not that long ago, I can't get over how thin he looks. It's scary, and suddenly I'm right back to being in the unknown.

Having these last few weeks to escape my reality with Jonah was so important, I fucking loved it, but now that that's ending too I don't know what to expect. I'm glad that I proposed to him when I did, because even though he rushed back to dive headfirst into all his responsibilities here I'm comforted to at least have that to hold onto. I guess some things have to change, and others really should, but I'm hoping that out of everything else, Jonah and I are the one thing that can stay the same. That hope propels me up to the door, but when I go to knock, it opens all on its own.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. I didn't realize you were going to drop by," Jonah chuckles, ignoring the start it'd given him to find me right outside his door. "You should've called."

"Probably, but it was a last minute decision. Devin won't shut up about his date tonight, and if I had to listen to him drool about Grace another second I think I would've literally murdered him. Since prison doesn't sound like a fun idea, I thought I'd come see if you wanted help unpacking instead." The excuse is flimsy—as true as it is—but I use it to my advantage nonetheless as I lean forward with both hands on either side of the doorframe, trapping my fiancé.

"Have you even started unpacking your stuff yet?" He calls me out, amused with himself. In my typical fashion all my shit is just sitting in the middle of the floor in my room where I dumped it, but I'll let it sit there all night if it means I get to spend it with him. Unfortunately he has other plans, "see, looks like you've got plenty to do to avoid Devin. Ironically I'm off to help Grace pick out an outfit for their date, you know how picky she is, it took her all day to decide whether or not she wanted to press her hair."

"Do you have to? She's old enough to pick out her own clothes," I've still got Jonah trapped, and I try to lure him away from his best friend as I move in even closer until I can feel his breath on my lips. He's tempted, I can see that well enough, but ultimately it's clear he won't abandon her. With a sigh I relent, "or maybe I could come with."

"You? Talking about clothes? What did you do with the real Brent?" He makes another joke to smooth over the fact that I'm not invited. "This is her last day before she heads back to school, I was kind of hoping it could be a me and her thing."

"Well what about after then? We could watch a movie or something." The rational part of my brain understands its okay for him to want time alone with his best friend, but the other, much bigger part, is still fighting more irrationally to hold on to what we'd been able to have over break.

"That sounds amazing, and normally I'd be all for it, but ever since I got back things have been so crazy and I'm still trying to get caught up on so much. We'll find some time to spend together, I promise, just bear with me. Okay?" Jonah tugs on my arm gently, removing it like an obstacle. I'm sure he notices the disappointed look I don't try all that hard to hide, so he purses his lips sternly. "The good news is the deadline for the competition is next week and then it'll be done, and that'll be one less thing I have to worry about. Until then you'll hardly even notice I'm missing, now that Lilah's in charge of the wedding I bet she's going to keep you plenty busy."