The Art of Being a F*ck Up

19. Blondes Have More Fun

Even after what I thought might turn out to be my darkest day, I'm glad to know I've still got a shot at escaping this half-life. As a result of that sweet gesture from my equally as sweet boyfriend I'm ready to pull the trigger on the proposal. The timing couldn't be better either, my make-up exams are only a few days away now and I'm in desperate need of something good. Being dyslexic hasn't revealed itself as the great evil I'd so feared, but I'm not willing to let my guard down yet. It's still coming. There are far too many things to keep me in this godawful place—the in-between—but I don't want to think about them. All I want to think about is Jonah, and the plan I have to ensure he'll always be mine.

"I'm not saying your love isn't eternal or some shit, but this is a huge decision." Devin prattles on, the way he has been since I asked him here over half an hour ago to look at rings. They're just photos on my screen right now, and most of them are probably way out of my price range, but nothing's too good for my Jonah—I only want the best for him. Discouragingly, Devin has been less than receptive to the idea. "Forever's a long ass time, like, if you say you're going to love him forever you'll have to mean that for the next sixty, seventy years!"

"Call me a romantic, but somehow I don't think that's going to be a problem." I say, lowering my voice so that our conversation might not carry as far. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to ask Devin to come over to the garage, but with being on break there weren't a lot of options since we definitely can't talk about it at the house. Most of the guys here are pretty cool about everything, I think, but we've already attracted enough attention holed up here in the break room, the last thing I need is for someone to go running back to tattle to my dad. While he's been strangely decent lately, that would signify a nightmare I just don't have the constitution to deal with.

"Fine, but I still think you should at least wait until after graduation." My best friend insists.

"I need you to have my back on this, man. I'm not crazy, I hear what you're saying, but I'm going through with this whether you're with me or not. Just, I'm kind of hoping it'll be with me because I was thinking of asking you to be my best man." The bait I dangle in front of him proves to be effective, I can see him rethinking his entire argument. Good, I would hate to waste what little bit of time we have bickering about semantics. The garage is about to close and Lilah will be here to pick me up soon, I want our last few precious moments to be productive. To seal the deal, I force his hand with a simple truth. "Plus, you'll get to be that much closer to Grace."

"That's low," he rolls his eyes. Still, he bites the hook when he pushes my hand out of the way to scroll back to one of the rings I'd already passed. "Here, he'll like this one, there's not a lot of fuss."

"What would you know about it?"

"More than you apparently. I've dated plenty of girls like Jonah, they're not all into the big and flashy. It's in the poetry, bro, trust me." Devin is convinced of the ring he's chosen. The more I look at it, the more I realize he's right—when it comes to Jonah it's never been about what's on the outside, it's the symbolism, the heart. It helps that I can picture him wearing it too and it brings a smile to my face.

"It's perfect." I agree, filled with an insane amount of unmanly giddiness. It's hard to contain when everything is coming together with Devin giving in, and the ring being in a shop less than an hour away from us. This is the first time since I busted up my knee that I've actually been able to look forward to my future without wanting to vomit, the first time I've had any sense of purpose again. The past few months almost feel like a bad dream—like the kind of nightmare I'm avoiding with my father—but it's over now and I can finally wake up.

"What's perfect? Me? Because I already know that." Maddy's lilting voice gives her away even before the staccato click of her heels fills the room. Clearly she hasn't learned anything from her prior visit, because she's even more dressed up than before—a fact that doesn't go unnoticed by the two other guys hanging out back here. "I'd say I don't want to interrupt, but that would be a lie."