The Art of Being a F*ck Up

40. All Good Things

The road's been so fucking long, and there definitely were times where I wasn't sure I'd make it. Times where I had my doubts, or a hell of a lot of questions, but I try to keep in mind all the wisdom I've gotten from so many surprising places. I think about my uncle, about how he told me that every last thing I'd gone through this last year has been part of a bigger journey. I'd never want to live through this kind of heartache again, but I don't know, part of me has to wonder where I'd be if I hadn't been tested. Would I have ever found out that I'm dyslexic, or found the kind of strength it took to finally stand up to my dad?

I've learned so many important lessons about being honest—even when it's hard—and what it actually means to be a man from watching all the best men in my life, like Bill and Devin and Jason and Jonah. I learned that it's okay to cry, and that I don't have to be responsible for holding up the weight of the word. I also learned a thing or two about being brave, and so it seems, maybe for the first time in my life, that I won't ever be able to call myself a coward again. Although, if I'm being honest, I'm fighting like hell to calm my nerves as I stand out here in the fresh air, preparing for the next and probably biggest step in my journey.

"See? I told you we'd find him out here, why don't you ever listen to me—I'm clearly more intelligent than you." Maddy chides as she comes into view, but even if I didn't already see that she was talking to Devin I could've easily guessed from the grumbling that follows. She's at her best, all made up and rocking a designer dress I still know she can't afford.

"Listen, we've talked about this, if you don't want me to mess up that pretty white girl hair I'm going to need you to not talk to my boyfriend like that." Grace defends her newly minted beau, looking to Devin sympathetically. It's been quite the ordeal for them too, good on my clueless best friend for never being able to take a hint. How she went from saying she had no interest in dating at the start of the year, to dating someone who's her complete opposite is beyond me. They look happy though, they have since they made their relationship official right after graduation. Grace sizes me up, "what are you doing out here anyway?"

"Dude, you do realize you've only got like twenty minutes, right?" Devin checks his watch. It's almost weird seeing him so dressed up and well-kempt, but he cleans up nice. Grace doesn't look too shabby on his arm either.

"I was just taking a second," I smile. "Where's Jonah?"

"How the fuck should I know? I'm the best man, my only job is to keep track of you so you don't run off. I think he was talking to that guy from New York, what's his name, Queen Abraham or some shit."

"He's probably telling Bram all about your guys' honeymoon," Grace interjects, teasing. What an incredible day this is, and while I might not want to live through this kind of heartache again I'd absolutely do it if it meant I still got to marry the love of my life at the end of it. We've been planning this day so carefully for months, it's so surreal now that it's here, but as nervous as I continue to be I can't deny that I'm also excited to walk down that aisle with him.

"Lucky, I'd kill for a vacation right now." My best friend whines. "I've been so stressed preparing for this stupid interview all week, no one prepared me to be an actual adult. This is insane, I'm about to have my first real life job!"

"Hi, hey, remember me? Yeah, so, today isn't really about you so why don't you go ahead and stop talking? That'd be great, thanks." Maddy sasses him, evidently unafraid of Grace even as she leers at her. I just chuckle, they're all so amazing, but I get what Devin's saying, I'm about to be married and we're both about to start careers. When I get back from the honeymoon Lilah has an interview lined up for me to write a sports column for a local publication, and while it's the best of both my worlds, it scares the hell out of me too. We've all got ambitions though, Grace is off to grad school and Maddy, well. She flicks her hand at the both of them. "Go away now, I'll bring the groom—or, well, at least one of them—in a bit."