The Art of Being a F*ck Up

2. Life (as I Know It)

There's this funny thing that happens when you get hurt. People change, they start watching what they say around you, or acting different, or in my case, they just stop coming around altogether. Not the people I really care about, never them, but my so-called friends, the guys from my team—even some of the guys from my frat house. And what really pisses me off is that they think I don't notice, that just because I'm dumb means I'm blind or some bullshit. Maybe they think they're doing me a favor, I don't know, it's not like I want their goddamn pity anyway, but it still sucks. At the end of the day I'm probably just a fucked up reminder of something they'd much rather forget.

Good for them. I can't be so lucky. I saw a lot of friendly faces that first week in the hospital with their balloons and their well-meaning wishes, but that was over a month ago now and it's been crickets ever since. I'm supposed to be moving on—don't dwell, everyone says—it could've been worse after I got sacked by that three-hundred-pound steroid gobbling douchebag. I didn't blow my knee out, that would've been the worst case scenario, and the doctor says I should even be able to play again in a year. Obviously he doesn't realize how pointless that is for me.

Life goes on though, it's not interested in stopping on my account, so instead of sitting around and crying about it I'm pushing right along. After a crippling month I'm finally done with physical therapy, today was my last day, and now that I've been weaned off the crutches I'm hoping that things might start getting back to normal. Or, as normal as they will ever be from here on out. I still don't think I've fully processed that I won't be able to play football, but I'm trying not to think about it, I'm trying to focus all my energy on figuring out how to fill my new abundance of free time.

Jonah was awesome the whole time I was laid up, I seriously don't know what I would've done without him, but having him by my side really put into perspective how divided his attention has been since we started our senior year. It wouldn't be fair to keep making him tutor me, so now that my last class is over I'm hanging out in the student center instead of getting ready for football practice like I would've been before the accident, reading over this list of tutors posted on the bulletin board. Definitely not my idea of fun, but I've got to somehow find someone competent enough to get through to my dumbass, while also being affordable on what little I earn at my part-time job.

Easy, right?

"What's up, homo?" A boisterous voice cuts through the normally quiet chatter of the student center, much to the disdain of literally everyone. That voice belongs to Devin Roberts, the towering six-and-a-half-foot wall of meat that stalks towards me, throwing his arm around my shoulder when he's close enough. Oh, and he's also my best friend. "Would you believe I've never actually been in here before? How the hell did you get here, bro, this place is for nerds. What happened to you meeting me after class?"

"Try checking your phone, Dev. I texted you." I say dryly, a little embarrassed for him to catch me like this. He's kind of a moron, but he's a good friend, and like Jonah he's been diligent in trying to make himself available to help me through this—as if that's what I want. Like I said, I'm not blind, I can tell he's trying too hard. I sigh, telling him a small lie to preserve my dignity, "I'm trying to get this stupid tutor thing sorted, Jonah's been up my ass about it."

"Oh, what are you complaining about? I hear that's how you like it anyway." He takes a cheap shot, clearly hoping I'll be drawn into our usual banter. Any other day I might be, but right now all I can muster is a playful shove for his efforts. The least I can do is cut him some slack, he's always had my back—we've been close since we joined Theta together, years ago. It's kind of weird now that he's president of our fraternity because seriously, who thought it was a good idea to put him in charge of anything? Regardless, he's still as devoted a friend as ever, "you okay?"