The Art of Being a F*ck Up

17. Some Things We Don't Talk About

Finally things are starting to look up, it's been a few days and I'm shocked by how well I've managed to retain this resolve. The nice thing about being on break is that I get to work full time at the garage, which while coming with its own hazards like having to spend extra time with my dad, means more money in my pocket. I'm going to need that if I really plan on going through with the newest idea that's been invading my every waking thought. Why wouldn't I though? Forgetting for a second all the unknown that comes with taking such a huge step like marriage, this is the first thing since my accident that's made me feel anything other than asleep.

I haven't gotten to talk to Jonah about any of it yet, he's back to being occupied with his competition, but I can't help but feel like that's going to change soon. It'll have to change, like so many other things—in the best way. I haven't even had anything to drink since Jason and Lilah's anniversary party, my life's been going too fast to really stop and think about it. This is good, this monumental decision I've been debating feels like it's everything I've needed—everything I've been missing. I'm filled with so much warmth that not even the test I'll be going to in just a few short hours, to get tested for a learning disability, can bring me down.

Today's already a day proving to be packed to the brim, I've spent almost my entire half hour on lunch scouring social media for proposal ideas—a super cheesy and unmanly act that none of the guys at the frat house or garage would ever let me live down. That's why I did it outside in the fresh air and sunshine, away from any curious eyes that might've saw the hearts floating over my head. Now that I'm just getting back though, I come upon a whole new scene. There's a paper bag filled with takeout from my favorite place on my desk, enough to almost monopolize my attention if not for the unlikely pair catching up right in front of it like old friends.

"That's the god's truth, I'm telling you, I caught him dancing to one of my cassettes in a pair of my old lady's shoes," Bill laughs, a full sound. While I can't quite decide how, I can see he doesn't look the same as when I saw him last, but to hear him I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. "His face when I walked in was priceless."

"I don't doubt it, I can picture it so clearly in my head," Maddy laughs with him, tapping him lightly on the arm. "You know that look he always gets, the one where he tries to play dumb? Hilarious! There was this one time in freshman year when I tried to convince him to take ballet with me, and I swear he about had a heart attack."

"His dad wouldn't have liked that too much."

"Probably not, but could you imagine? It would've been so funny to watch."

"If you want some real embarrassing stories all you got to do is ask. He ever tell you about when I took him to the zoo, about the thing with the panda?"

"What in the unholy hell is going on?" I butt in, making myself known before my uncle can go any further with that humiliating tale. There are some things we don't talk about. Both he and Maddy turn to look at me, seemingly unaware that they should be ashamed that I caught them talking about me, but otherwise they only return blank stares. We stand there gawking at one another for longer than I'm really comfortable with before I choose to be a little more specific. "Seriously, what are either of you doing here?"

"Well, I haven't heard from you in a while, and since you seem incapable of using those meaty thumbs to text, I decided to drop by. Then I ran into your uncle," she smiles over at him, polite and on her best behavior. "Sounds like I'm not the only one you've been avoiding—I'll give you two a minute to catch up. It was so nice talking to you, Bill—I hope you feel better soon."

"Yeah, you too, thanks." Bill nods with a strange look of approval, no doubt still just as impressed with the girl he once thought I'd marry. What would he think if I told him I want to marry Jonah now? After Maddy slinks off I'm left with a list of prying questions for my uncle, the bulk of which he avoids by shuffling into his office. "Before you go getting all excited, I just came to grab a few things, there are a couple calls I have to make that I don't trust your dad to do. Don't tell him I said that. What happened to all my files?"