41: on the edge

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A L I S O N

When I got home, my mom didn't scream at me or made me look straight into her watery eyes. She didn't speak to me, and with her, that is worse.

Katherine is a woman who shows her feelings, and yet she has been giving me the silent treatment ever since I've walked from the front door yesterday.

Now, on a Saturday morning, I'm seated on the beige velvet sofa in the living room while I wait for her, a loud sound of glass and sobs coming from the kitchen. Emma is in my room, probably with an open door as her curiosity takes the best of her and I feel my heartbeat frantic, my hands trembling a little by my sides.

After what feels like an eternity, my mom finally appears. Her eyes are red from crying and there are still a few reminiscent tears left on her prominent cheeks, but despite her worries, anger is clear in her face. She sits in front of me; her gaze never leaving mine, and I decide to start before anything else.

"Mom, I just want to-"

"I'll be the one talking right now, Alison Kate Lawrence." I nod at her, the feeling of embarrassment taking over my entire body as I stand frozen in place.

"Why did you have to drink, daughter?" The air gets caught in the back of my throat, "Do you know how I felt when I saw you on tape passing out on a cold floor in the middle of a fucking party?!"

The tears that I've fought so hard not to let out are now streaming fast down my cheeks, and despite my urge to get things right, I stay in silence.

No words come to my mind when I think about the reason I drink in the first place and it hurts knowing I'm weak. I just want to make things right.

My mom's now opaque green eyes flicker with pain as she watches me break, and she loses no time in changing places, sitting in a heartbeat on the sofa next to me.

I rest my head in the crook of her slim shoulders, letting the crying wash away my soul, and even though she's pissed at me, Katherine doesn't break up our hug.

I do not know what I did to deserve a mother like her.

"You've never asked me why I don't let you drink at parties, Alison." She whispers in my ear and I look up at her, my heart still pounding in my chest.

"I always thought it was because of my age."

"Of course in some part, it is," My mom tugs a strand of my caramel brown hair that was falling in my face behind my ear, "Still, I was a teenager once and I know exactly what happens at a party. I don't blame you, but a tragedy happened when I was younger and that makes me fear for your life, sweetie."

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