Todoroki Angst One-Shots | Torment

8 | Battle [1/3] - Levi (SNK) x Todoroki

Warnings:
Suicide attempt(s), self-harm, abuse. This story is not intended to promote or encourage these actions/behaviors.

[Third-Person]
Shoto Todoroki

With a heart sundered by silver, bloodied blades, Todoroki winces as he writes with a quivering hand his signature at the bottom of his suicide note. The past four months of his life have been dedicated to investing efforts into asphyxiating his debilitating urges to die and capitulate to self-destruction, but now, more than anything, Todoroki desires to instead be the one to asphyxiate himself.

With each excruciating breath he takes is another shot—another cold, soundless bullet—being fired into his chest. Inhale. Why am I alive? he'd wonder. Exhale. To be someone I don't want to be; break down in a self-inflicted storm of self-loathing and tears; to wait and discover a reason to live—yet I always arrive at the same conclusion that what I live for will all be erased in due time; to keep on walking without feeling as though I'm walking from the numbness to the painful propensities I've cycled through just to keep myself on my feet; to espy an answer...and fall back again to the beginning of this hell, he answers.

Inhale, exhale... It would be so simple to stop breathing and cut the interminable circle of a kind of agony that intoxicates and befouls the mind with venom and savages the heart with the command to cease all functionality. Inhale, exhale... It would be so easy to breathe the tears composed not of liquid which fill his lungs. Inhale, exhale... It would be so brutally painless to be deprived of oxygen to have a flood of agonizing relief rush back...for the purpose of being drowned and revived—of fainting into numb stupor and being awakened into unbearable, lively torment—without end. Exhale, inhale... Can breathing simply to stop breathing without a purpose be considered living? Todoroki doesn't know, but he still continues to breathe. Exhale, inhale...

With frigid fingers, Todoroki slowly folds up his suicide note and jams it into his back pocket. He glances around his dorm and mentally offers his farewells to the place which allowed him a reprieve from Endeavor. Sighing, he retrieves his phone from its charger and begins to text his mother as he flicks out the lights illuminating his dorm.

I'm sorry, Todoroki thinks to himself with a crestfallen expression forming across his lips and tugging at his brows. I'm so sorry, Mom. It isn't that I want to do this to you or burden you with anything, but I can't do this anymore. I told you...I would get better. I did. I truly did get better. You looked so happy. I'm taking that happiness away. I'm sorry... You helped me survive each day. Knowing you were there for me and always supporting me...gave me hope. I'm so sorry, Mom, but I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm not strong at all. I'm weak. I'm selfish. I'm pitiable, honestly. Tears won't solve anything—they only make my face red and my flesh and clothes wet—so why has crying been the only thing I've been able to do?

"Oi," abruptly tumbles into Todoroki's ears as the elevator on the fifth floor of the dormitory rolls open. "The hell are you doing?" Bakugou squints his brows at the taller male as Todoroki's dull eyes lift from his phone.

Despite the rapid bangs of his heart flooding through his chest and growling in Todoroki's temples, he manages to retain a blank, neutral facade. "Talking to my brother," he replies somewhat dismissively; austere solemnity seeps into his words. "So..."

The ash-blonde leans his elbow against the face of the now-closing elevator doors of steel. "You gotta go to a whole 'nother floor for that?" His garnet eyes tinged with a soft gold lock with a pair of heterochromatic eyes.

"Why are you here?" Todoroki sighs.

My hands won't stop shaking, Todoroki cogitates as Bakugou expels a brief snort. I'm genuinely anxious. My hands are cold. My head is burning. My thoughts are slow. My heart is beating rapidly. I feel sick—like my guts have been mashed together. Shit.