Loving the Dead

Chapter 1

"Take a swan dive off the roof, maybe then you'll get a quirk."

Thinking back on it Katsuki Bakugo wished he could take everything back, he wished he could rewind time back to when they were just kids and kick his younger self  for even thinking about laying a hand on Izuku. But he couldn't and now he was here with the end result of his careless comment.

He didn't know!

He didn't know Izuku was that deep in self hatred.

He didn't know his actions shaped him to be this way.

To be suicidal.

His mother told him what Inko told her.

The scars, so many scars.

They were everywhere.

He shut himself in his room, he refused to come out.

He yelled for days.

Cried for months.

He didn't go to the funeral.

He stopped caring about school.

Finally his mother snapped and got him to shape up but even though he looked normal on the outside he was hollow inside. He couldn't even hear his heart beat anymore. He was just going throughout the days doing the bare necessity. When it came time for  him to go to U.A he saw it as he walked into the class. 

Izuku was standing on his table, his face turned away , looking towards the window. He knew this was a mirage so he calmed himself and sat down facing Izuku who didn't turn his way. When the bell rang signaling class was about to start Izuku faded. 

'Just a mirage.'  He thought to himself but he was so wrong. 

He saw Izuku again, this time on his way home. He was laid bare in the middle of the road and he watched  as cars ran over him like he wasn't there. He took a sharp breath as a truck came down the road and before he could scream out for Izuku he disappeared again. He clutched his bag as he trembled as people passed him by. It was cruel really, how the world continues on as you wallow in grief. 

'The world continued even though a bright star was extinguished.' He thought hurriedly crossing the street to continue home. He could hardly remember what he did  today, some test. He did pass so that was enough. As he entered his home, no one was there. His parents seemed to have gotten over Izuku's death, they were back to normal.

Back to being busy.

Inko had moved away, she had given him some of Izuku's stuff that she thought Izuku might have wanted him to have. One thing that stuck out was those notebooks Izuku always wrote in. One was burnt.

The one he tossed out the window on that faithful day. 

Seems they allowed her to have it back.

He entered his room and released a breath he was holding. Izuku wasn't there. He dropped his bag and wandered over to the pile of notebooks he got from Inko. They all had a date at the front and he decided to start from the earliest and worked his way up. He thought they would be about quirks he had discovered, how they worked, etc.

But no they were journal entries, all dating back to the day he and Izuku were friends.

"Kacchan is so cool, he got his quirk in the middle of class and he impressed everyone even the teachers. He said when I get mine we would be hero partners, I can't wait to see what I get!" His eyes blurred at the first few lines. He clenched his teeth and wanted to kick himself. 

He skipped through the pages and caught sight of one blurry page, it had running ink like it was wet before it dried. 'Tears.' His mind supplied. He read the page.

"I don't get it, I thought we would be best friends forever. Kacchan doesn't like me anymore, he keeps calling me quirkless but is it really that bad to not have a quirk. I'm so confused, he glares at me whenever I come close, he calls me Deku and today he used his quirk on me. I was trying to defend someone from his new friends and I thought I could do it knowing that he promised to never hurt me...........promises stay promises even if we're no longer friends in his eyes........right?

No, no he burned my stomach, it hurts, it pulses. I have to keep quiet, I don't want Mommy to hear. Kacchan, why did you hurt me, why do you look at me like that? Is it because I never got a quirk. 

Do quirks really define friendships for you?"

'No, no it doesn't Izuku.' He thought as he dropped fresh tears on the page, he closed the book and turned to go curl up on his bed but turned pale at the sight before him. It was Izuku, he was wearing the same blank expression he died with when he jumped. 

Wide glassy eyes.

A full blown smile.

A stray tear down his face.

To see it on his face while he sat up right was making his skin crawl. "I-Izuku." Katsuki called but he got nothing in return, Izuku's face didn't even twitch. He got up and walked towards him and just when he was in reach Izuku turned into vapor. He collapsed on his knees and screamed. 

He should've never let the words of those fakers get to his head. He should've stayed by the side of the one who truly admired him. The one who constantly pointed him in the right direction, he should've stayed by Izuku, he should've stayed. He beat his fists into the floor as his cries turned to screams. He curled on the floor whimpering like a pathetic child. 

On the outside of his window the source of his sorrows watched him with cold eyes. He couldn't go to the other side because people are still attached to him. 

'It would seem Katsuki is one of them.' Izuku thought tilting his head. 'Why isn't he happy? I did what he asked, isn't that enough for him.'  He clenched his fist and hit the window, due to his pent up emotion it shattered. Katsuki flew up to avoid the shards but Izuku had discovered something new. 

'Emotions, all I need is emotions.'