I Want You To Know

Chapter 52

Colby POV:

I bring my hand up to caress Dean's cheek and press my forehead against his, panting and sobbing a little. I can't stop the tears that start running out of my eyes again like a constant stream.

"I'm sorry.." I mumble and press a small kiss on his cheek before getting off of him.

I adjust my clothes and glance a look at him before disappearing into the bathroom. I palm my face and think about what has happened because of my stupidity. My chest burns as I think about it, so I try to drop the subject. After everything, I lost my virginity!

I can't believe how weird this is. I lost myself to save a man who kidnapped me and kept me away from my family. I tug my hair worriedly and pace the room, not knowing what to do.

I take a shower and try to wash his touches away from my body, but I can't. I understand that the love marks will fade away in a couple of days, but the feelings he has given to me will never fade away. As he told me, I might forget about him, but the attraction between him and me brought us together.

I haven't realized how long I stay in the shower until I feel cold. I dress pretty quickly and leave the room, not wanting to confront anything now. When I reach the living room, I paste myself against the window and look through it.

A few hours later, every bone in my body is tired, and every muscle is advising me to sleep. I can't sleep with my mind full of thoughts and my heart full of worries. I was not only broke my rules; I broke everything, including myself.

I sigh and walk toward the couch, curling up in it and trying to sleep. My mind, though, won't slow down. I turn on the couch and then squirm. I give up and rub my head, trying to shut down my mind.

Everything is too quiet. I get up from the couch and walk over to the kitchen, getting some sugar and coffee. I find a cookie and a large cup of coffee. I sit quietly on the counter and eat a cookie, trying not to fall over.

I return to the living room after a few minutes and crawl on the couch again, trying to sleep. The silence, though, is just all around me. I stand up and walk on the wooden floor carelessly, stopping at the last door.

I bite my lip nervously and knock on the door, waiting for a response. When the door opens, I look at the floor and try to bring the right reason. "Sorry, I just... I can't sleep."

A gentle hand pulls me inside the room and makes me sit on the edge of the bed. I get shocked when Dean kneels and rests his head on my lap. I feel tears wet my thigh as he shakes violently, sobbing even more.

"I'm sorry," His words are drenched with longing and emotion as he wraps his arms around my waist.

I run my fingers through his hair and stare at the floor helplessly, "It was never your fault, Dean. You were always so good. So fucking perfect! It was not your fault to put your trust in the wrong hands. It was not your fault I ruined everything!" I mumble, letting the tears fall out of my eyes.

He pulls his head away from my lap and moves to sit on the bed, taking my hands in his. "Don't blame yourself, baby. It's not your fault. Who can you play with if it's not me?" He rubs my knuckles gently and presses a small kiss on it.

I laugh slightly at his words and let out a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to worry about anything. I'm the only one who should ask 'sorry' now. Sorry, sweetheart." He places his hand on my cheek and looks into my eyes, "If anyone stayed at your place, they would let me die here, but you... lost your virginity to save me! You're a pure soul, Colby!"

I say nothing back but stare at him so quiet like time has frozen now. Like the world has stopped turning beneath our feet. After a moment passes, I reach up and rest my fingers on his cheek carefully.

He leans into my touch needily as he covers my palm with his own and presses it deeper against his cheek. "I can feel now that you know what I want. I love you!" He murmurs breathlessly.

It feels like I deserve everything, including him. My heart repeats that I belong to him, so I'm gonna hold on with everything I have and never let it go. "I grew up with rules to myself, and you broke everything. A few minutes before, my mind was itching with everything that I had passed through. I won't see that anymore. I just see you. I just see what's in front of me now." I tell him firmly.

"Fuck the past and fuck tomorrow," He smiles brightly and presses a kiss on my forehead. "We've waited too damn long already."

"I don't care what happens tomorrow, what happens a month from now, a year from now. I just want this. Want you!" I say, closing the distance between us and pressing my lips on his. Now I can feel that we're made for each other, and it's everything he wants me to know.

He moves away from me and lies on the bed, yawning a little. "Come on, baby. We can talk the remaining later." He says, adjusting the pillows and making the space under the rumpled covers for me.

I slide into the cover and curl against him, laying my head on his chest. "It's snowing again," I mumble, staring at the window and wrapping my arm around his waist.

He smiles and closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around me. "I love you, Seth." He presses a kiss in my hair and brushes it away gently.

There is a pause in my side like I'm not sure what to say back. Eventually, I snuggle down into his embrace and sigh a little content breath. "I love you too, Dean." I close my eyes and try to dream about my life. And for the first time in forever, I can't wait to see what comes next.