Forbidden Fantasies

Chapter 20: Forbidden Fantasy

~ 6 Months Later ~

~ Jason P.O.V ~

It was graduation day! I worked it out with my advisor to accelerate my time at WSSU, and it worked out in my favor. I was just ready to be done with undergrad. It was too much that occurred during my tenure at WSSU and I was ready to start my life and live for me.

I had a blast in Atlanta. I ate, went out, fucked, and just freed myself from all the stress I have been through lately. It was the vacation I very much needed. I was able to clear my head and let go all that happened in the past year.

When I got back to school, I requested to be moved out of my suite and it was approved. I went in when Derek wasn't there and gathered all my belongings. I ran into him one day in the laundry room and he tried to speak and I said hello and kept it pushing. I had a whole new attitude and that was, "Fuck your feelings, and I'm doing me." Point blank period. I'm not mentally built to be like that, but as much as my heart was played with, I had to turn my emotions off.

As much as it hurt, I had to distance myself from Quan as well. I needed to work on myself, and things between myself and him was moving way to fast.....

~ RECAP ~

~ 5 months ago/FaceTime ~

"What's going on Jason? Why haven't you returned any of my calls? You just ghosted a nigga outta nowhere, what did I do?" He said with anger in his eyes

"Quan you didn't do anything. The day I went back to campus to gather my things and to talk it out with Derek..... I caught him cheating on me with his best friend. That shit crushed me, so I just been taking the much needed time to myself that I need." I said holding back my tears

"Jason baby, you should've called me. You know I would've been there for you and beat that nigga's ass for playing with you like that. You know how I feel about you Jason..." He said as a tear escaped from his eye

"I appreciate that Quan, but this time I needed to handle it my way. Last time I let a man care for me during a heartbreak I just ended up back in the same situation."

"Jason I'm not these other Nigga's out here. You know I will neva hurt you, why you keep acting like I'm going to play with your feelings?" He said wiping the tear from his face

"It's not that I think your going to hurt me, it's just.... I....I need to take this time to Love myself, I just don't have the energy to care for someone else's feelings right now. I need to take care of myself..." I said looking out the phone

"So what are you saying Jason. What are you saying to me right now!" He said holding back his tears

"I'm saying.... I'm saying.... I'm saying that I'm not ready to be yours right now Quan. I'm not ready to Love you the way you want me to Love you. I don't want to hurt you, but if I become yours right now, that's all I'm going to do is hurt you because I'm still hurting..." I said letting a tear escape my eyes

"Jason please don't do this to me right now. I really need you in my life and I can't just let you go this easily."

"Quan I know, and I'm not asking you to let me go, I'm just asking you to give me some time to get to know myself and what I really want in life." I said reassuring him