“Do you remember that Karasuno team?”
“Yeah! They used to be really big like 3 years ago when they had that little giant, he was tiny but he was able to jump REALLY high! There was also that black haired king of court, he was a genius setter too, together they were like a freak duo, no one could beat them!”
“I know right! Did you know their setter died?”
“Holy shit! Wait, is that why they’re losers again at volleyball?”
“Pretty much, I guess. The full reason is that the tiny giant dude you talked about left the school after the setter died. There were rumors saying he had a big role in the setter’s death.”
“Wait, are you kidding?! What a coward, face your problems like a man, damn.”
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*~Play "Hold Me Tight" by "Berlinist" - Hinata's point of view (POV)*~
It’s been 3 years since Kageyama’s death, the news spread around quickly and everyone knew about his death in Japan. I moved to Brazil after what happened, I didn’t bother even waiting to graduate, I couldn’t.. Everyone used to talk about me and what happened at school and outside of it. Very quickly, my reputation fell: People also found out about the kind of relationship me and the setter had… They found out about what happened and how he died, and in addition to that, they also found out that I knew he was being abused, which added another reason for them to hate me. After the black haired boy's funeral, people called many names such as a coward, faggot, a monster and I even received death threats…
It's like people completely forgot I was human, a person with emotions. I felt more guilty than anyone else, I blamed myself for everything. They acted as if they cared, but half of them didn't speak to him when he was alive, they were just searching for a reason to hurt someone, and I was an easy target.
People don't really care about you until you're dead. They act as if they miss you but in reality, they don't really care about who you were. All they'll remember about Kageyama is "the famous setter who died", nothing more. Eventually, he'll be forgotten in the minds of those who didn't wish to know him, but the ones who did won't.
I lost most of my friends, but the ones that did keep in contact with me, I blocked. I didn’t let myself make new friends, I closed off to people, afraid they’ll find out about my past and just like everyone else, I just wanted to live my life again, but every time I tried, I’d remember my past sins and mistakes and then I’d close off again. I was hurting so much, drowning in the constant guilt I was feeling. I just wanted someone to forgive me, I just wanted to be forgiven, I want someone to tell me it wasn’t my fault, but all people did was judge me, and play with me like I was some kind of toy with no emotions..
“H-hinata… Is that you?” I heard a voice say, they sounded shocked. The voice sounded familiar. I was sitting in a café alone in brazil, watching the volleyball game that was on TV right above me, my head was on my hands in a sleeping position. I looked up to see who called my name, and immediately regretted doing so. There he was standing there, someone I used to consider a “volleyball threat” because of his incredible skills and even gave him a cool nickname to that I used to think was funny and suited him well, now thinking about it, everyone probably found it annoying… My eyes were wide as I stared at the person for a few seconds before saying:
“Oikawa-san?”
He looked back at me, with his soft smile. He’s matured a lot, I can already notice. “It’s been a while, Hinata, I started to think you were dead” he said, his voice was calm and relaxing. My first instinct was to try and run away but he stopped me “Hey hey, don’t leave yet. I’m just here to talk, okay?” his voice was very comforting, therefore, I decided to stay. If you think about it, running away will only cause me more trouble.. He took a seat next to me slowly, he also looked like he was a little bit uncomfortable. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, I stared at the ceiling hoping I was back home before he opened his mouth and said “After the funeral… Kageyama’s dad was sent to life in prison…” he stopped for a second as he took a deep long breath as he continued speaking “They sent a search-party to his house and, umm... Found this under his bed.” He reached out to his pocket and took out a letter with a red heart sticker on it, he then gave it to me “They were going to throw it away, but… I had a feeling we’ll meet again in the future, now that you're here, I’m glad I took it.” Oikawa said while looking back at me, noticing that I was a bit more comfortable now. I was just at the floor, unable to face him. At that moment, Oikawa felt like the hope in my life that I was so desperately looking for, he continued “Y-you know… I am actually here in Brazil to umm..” He stopped for a second “Practice beach volleyball, you should join-“ I immediately interrupted him. I didn’t want to hear anything about volleyball right now... I stood up quickly and said “T-thank you for everything, I really appreciate it but I got to go-“ I ran out the door at full speed without looking back, only holding on to the letter Oikawa gave me in my hands, leaving him in the café confused and even feeling a little guilty for bringing it up, especially after mentioning Kageyama and all... I ran towards my apartment building. The building isn’t tall, it only had 4 floors after all and was very old and small-looking. It definitely didn’t have enough space, but it was big enough to live a normal regular life. I unlocked the door with my key in hand and letter on the other hand, I sat down on my couch: It wasn’t very comfortable but it was good enough for me. I didn’t even bother turning on the lights, but I did open the windows a little bit to let air in. I looked out the window to check if maybe Oikawa followed me, but of course, he didn’t. I let out a relieved sigh as I stared at the letter he gave me “Should I open it..?” I asked myself. I was a little scared, I tried so desperately to forget him, was I really ready to throw it all out the window just for some letter. And the answer was yes, I had to. And I wasn’t fooling anybody, I was unable to let go of Kageyama, even after 3 years, I just simply couldn’t. The more time passed, the more I felt like I was drowning in guilt: All the things I could have done to help him, I was an idiot, and that’s something I could never forgive myself for, but even so, I tried to… I opened the letter before taking a death breathe and opening my eyes slowly as I started reading the letter..
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Author's note:
I am part of the LGBTQ+ so I'm allowed to say the f word (genderfluid & bi). Anyways, this isn't the last chapter! There's one more!! It will be the letter, so don't worry. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed this fanfiction, I enjoyed writing it. I'll be working on another one after this so feel free to check it out once it's out! ❤ by the way, incase anyone's asking, this isn't gonna become a Oikawa x Hinata fanfiction 💀💀 they're adorable as hell but I don't ship them. But if you do, that's valid 👌
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Unable to let go, unable to run away | Kagehina Angst
Fanfiction⚠TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, PHYSICAL ABUSE, AND MENTAL ILLNESS!⚠ Kageyama has changed a lot, the team took notice but Hinata took it the hardest. As time passed Hinata became desperate to get his partner back! He took Kenma's advice and decided to fol...
