My Life ( kuv lub neej)

Mai' Life Before Marriage

Hello my name is Mai. I live in Fresno, Ca. My mom had us 6 daughters and 2 son. I was the second to youngest. I had a little sister younger than me so every time we had chicken for lunch or dinner, my brother Keng (he is the youngest son but older than me) and my little sister Luna will always be the luckiest one. My mom will give them both the drum stick from the chicken. I would always be sad and complain so one day my mom decided to give me the little drum part from the chicken wings. My mom had a total of 8 kids so the love from everyone was different. I was the least loved and the outcast of the family. Everyone can talk and laugh and hold a conversation by themselves and when I joined, everyone became quiet. I always felt that my siblings didn't like me too since I was not close to all of them like they are to each other. I was sad and upset and to see how my mom never cared for me too. I seen her call a shaman to do spiritual things on both my brothers and held a family gathering for them, a elder to come and blessed my sisters them with a family gathering. In our culture, when we have gatherings, it's a big gathering. We call all or most relatives to join us. It will be like a big party. They will come and blessed my siblings with tying strings on their wrist and give them money. I always wonder why I never got one. It really upset me that I never did wanted to bring it into attention because I would of gotten yelled at. Growing up I was getting treated differently. When school was getting closer and summer was ending, my mother would take us school shopping. We would buy school supplies and new clothes for school. I remember being a 6 grader and I need to buy bras but my mom didn't let so I had to sneak and put it in the piles of clothes. So mostly you can say growing up I had to share clothes with my older sisters. Either I get to wear their undergarments and clothes or I wear old clothes and the one pair of undergarment I sneak to buy when my mom wasn't looking. It was embarrassing when one time a friend ask me why she kept seeing me wear the same bra for a whole two weeks. I mean I did wash it after three days of wearing it but that's all I had. When middle school hit I finally had the courage to ask my mom why I was being looked at differently.
"Mom why do you care more for the orders than you do to me?" I asked my mom.
"Because they were harder to take care of as a child. For you, it was easy to take care of. You were never really sick and listen well as a baby. You were only 3 if I remember correctly and you kept whining about wanting to drink milk. So I took you and your brother to buy milk at a hmong store. Right when we enter the store, it got robbed right then too. One of the guy pointed his gun to your head and you were so scared that I use my body to hide you and Keng. You cried and cried and the guy told you to shut up or he will shoot. You stop crying right then. Luckily nothing happened to us and ever since that day you never drank and ask about milk every again. You was the only easy child for me."
I remembered the day when the store got robbed and I was so scared. But then it saddens me that just because I was easier to take care of, she didn't worry much about me.