My Life ( kuv lub neej)

Buying our house

We decided it was time to buy a house. We would be paying cheaper than rent. After countless days of trying to find houses we found one that fitted into our budget. His sister bought a house close by us. Two minute drive away from us. She wanted to stay close by so we can help each other out. I was still not working because every I work she will tell me that if I work then I won't be able to help them. I was still dumb to still listen so I was scared of working. She got pregnant and got married. Her wedding day I had to run errands all day. No one helped me get ready. My mother in law didn't let the other sister in law helped me due to she has too much kids and no one is going to help her. I woke up at 4 am to go to the sister's place to start with making rice. When stores opened I ran to go grab beer, soda, veggies, strings, a present, and other things for the wedding. It was tiring but it was for her wedding so I had to. I don't know how many times I ran to the store but it was a lot. After the wedding I cleaned and went home. Times where she will have a ceremony where she will call a shaman to bless her kids or her house she will always call me. She will go and grab the pig but that's all she will do. She slowly work things so on the day I can run the errands for her. Supposedly she would call her husband side to come help cook but she said she don't want to. She only wants them to come eat so I would have to wake up at 4-5 am to help cook. I would go help make rice while she cleans her bathroom. I made 4 batches of rice and she still has a broom in her hand saying she still cleaning her bathroom. Her house inly has one bathroom. At 9 she will tell her mom to take over and for me to go the the store to buy the veggies, soda, water, candies, and the list goes on. Johnny was always at home sleeping. I would have to drag my kids around and do the shopping. I would always happily do things. I would think if I do this much then maybe when it's my turn I will get the same treatments. When I do things and call her she will come late and sit down then boss me around. Years pass and I finally had enough. I spent over 10 years keeping my mouth shut. I couldn't take in any more shit. Why? Because when I'm sick no one knows where to seek a shaman. When Johnny's sister is sick, then all of a sudden shamans are everywhere. After my first pregnancy I couldn't get pregnant again. After 5 years of them not helping me I decided to call my aunt to help. I got pregnant after seeking help. When I was pregnant and needed to get my stomach turned. No one knows anyone but when Johnny sister was pregnant and needed to get her stomach turned. My mother in law calls people and all of a sudden knows. One time I got so sick I couldn't get up to take care of my kids. No one knows any shaman to seek help. I called my aunty and she help seek a shaman for me. They said it's because my dad sees my struggles in life that he couldn't help me so I was so sick. I burned my dad money and told him to love me from afar so I wouldn't be so sick. I got better by a little only. I would have dreams of me leaving. Walking on a long road and I will hear my dad call for me and I'll wake up. I have other dreams of me living in small dirty places and my dad will come and yell at me saying why am I here for me to go back home. I wouldn't go so he will hold onto me and bring me home and yell at me to never wonder off again and once he turns his back I wake up. I told my mom and she asked me to seek shaman again. So I ask a friend if she knows anyone and she gave me a guy shamans number. I called and ask for help. He checked and said , " daughter your spirit is sad so it's wondering off. You will have to fix yourself before it's too late."
I thanked him and hung up. I hurried and called my mom to let her know. She worried and said she will pay for everything for Johnny to go and ask him to come fix me. I told Johnny but he didn't really care. I then called the shaman guy and ask him when was he available to come over. He told me " daughter if your husband really wants to fix you, have him call me. If he don't want to fix you then I don't think I can come because it wouldn't look right." And he hung up. I then told Johnny that it will be my mom paying and then all of a sudden his mom wanted to jump in and say oh they can pay for my mom to not pay. When the shaman came over to do his spiritual thing, it took a very long time. After he was done he tied a string to my wrist and told me to not be sad and think of my kids. We then ask him and he said, " reason why it took me a whole day was because you went far away already. You were almost there. I ask you to come back but you didn't want to come back. I had to force you back. When we got back, I was using the pig to block your ways but you ended up fleeing again so I had to chase you back. It showed me that you were very sad. But don't worry I was able to get your spirit back and have you locked. The pig will help lock your spirit." No one seemed to be bother so I then called and let my mom know. She said for me to not be sad and that she was just a airplane away so I should visit whenever I want to. If I didn't have the money then she will pay for me. I wish it was that easy. Johnny doesn't even let me go anywhere but stay home and work around the house and help his family only. One time I decided to tell my mom half my life story with them and she said I should start saying no. It's never wrong to say no. As much as I want to I don't say no. I would read other women help stories of how they left their marriage and what I should do. I still feel like I can't leave because no one will help Johnny. They don't even like Johnny too. Only reason why they care for Johnny is because they have me to help only. I tried leaving a couple times but Johnny cried and say he will change. He hasn't yet. I'm still waiting to see if he changes. I have now 4 kids with Johnny and things are getting worse. His mother now says more stuff about me behind my back and even to me. I'm starting to argue with Johnny and use bad names because Johnny does the same to me. We will tell each other to die and call each other animal and a lot of other bad stuff. She tells her other son she doesn't like the way I talk to Johnny but she comes back to me and tells me she don't like it how her other daughter in law treats her other son. I tend to not care because I know how his mom is. I still don't say no to them but I do tend to finally talk back from time to time to his mom. I'm very irritated by his sister but I still help her out because her husband can't really help her due to having two wives. I sometimes think why do I help her when she chose that life herself. A lot of stuff has happened to her and I know it's karma. All the ways they treated me has came back and bite them but not all yet. I still think of leaving Johnny but then I look at my 4 kids and I don't want to separate them or have them grow up without a father or mother. So now here I stay living with them, living with Johnny because of my kids. I promise my mom to have a big heart and ua siab ntev. I don't want my mom to lose her face since all my older siblings life didn't go well. I would at least want my marriage to last forever so yes I stayed. I don't know how much longer I can stay but for now I stay. My dad is still by my side to guide me. I see him sometimes that's he is there and when something bad that's going to happened to me he is there to protect my way.
The end.