Time Isn't Healing [Thranduil Fanfiction/The Hobbit]

XIV. Faeryn. You Are Here

That night the elleth had decided to pay Thranduil a visit and an apology for leaving so suddenly in the hallway. The king was relieved when he opened the door and saw a neatly clean Faeryn smiling at him.

"Sorry for running away like that." She quietly said with a cloth wrapped around her body.

Faeryn had been think a lot lately, trying to define who she was and to see through herself. Her mind was a mess and her emotions were no better as the ellteh sometimes found herself doze off thinking about the future. A few days before that, things were much simpler. A few days before the betrothal was made known, Thranduil was happy living his life as a king and she was happy living her life as his trustworthy servant and friend.

And now, look at where they were; though she could not completely compassionate the king, Faeryn knew she was more confused than ever.

"I was scared." Thranduil confessed. They were watching the sky together, counting the stars, finding constellations, admiring the moon, anything possible to busy themselves. At least when they were busy, the problems would stop being so haunted. "You ran away and it felt like we were drifting apart."

"We aren't." Faeryn said. Are we? The elleth wondered. Cause at this point, why I'm feeling like we ARE drifting apart? "We are just simply... changing."

"I don't want changes."

"We have no choice, Thranduil. It's getting out of our hands."

Changes. What a dangerous term. Changes mean uncertain. Changes hazard.

"You are denying me." Angrily, Thranduil told her. He had done a great job hiding the frustration but it was not undetectable for her.

"I don't see any reason to." Faeryn cooly said. She watched Thranduil and saw him breathing heavily. It was true that they sometimes argue but that was the first time he showed such a clear sign of anger.

Faeryn was not scared. Despite of the fact that that was the first time Thranduil got angry with her and it wasn't like that she didn't know how bad he could be when he was caught on his wrong side.

"You have been acting like that princess and I are madly in love!" Faeryn gulped and prayed that he was wrong with that.

"Then are you assuming that we are, saying that I am denying you?" Critically, Faeryn retorted with a question. A part of her was slightly embarassed to had asked but a bigger part of her also wanted to know.

I just want to know, that's all. It's not like that I'm looking forward to it.

Thranduil did not say anything. He was struggling to find an answer, Faeryn could tell. His dazzling blue eyes were glued on her and he looked baffled. For one second Faeryn thought she had seen pain, another one came with somewhat hope, and then there was hesitation.

Faeryn sighed as she refused to question and pick up another nonsense argument with Thranduil. "I'm heading back to my room." The elleth stood up, so fast that barely a sound was made but still, she managed the elegance.

Faeryn could not go, the ellth wanted to but she could not escape Thranduil's grip around her wrist.

"Don't go. Please." The king pleaded. "Stay with me for a little while."

There was a huge lump in Faeryn's throat that stopped her from answering for minutes. During those minutes, she had thought about what to say. Walk way? She couldn't. Stay? She wouldn't be able to breath then.

And even when Faeryn found the lump had melted and giving back her ability to communicate, all she could form was, "It's late."

"We have forever." Faeryn heard his whisper and her heart clenched as if someone had punched it real hard.

"I don't want forever anymore, Thranduil. When to me it's just a name of an abstractive measurement of time."

Faeryn sighed. Her breath was delicated and plaintive, it sounded almost like a wind: traceless. But Thranduil heard it, he could easily detect the least sorrow and trouble in Faeryn without trying.

"The choice we have does not content forever." She added.

And so, the blonde elf placed his hand on the elleth's soft hair, then, he placed his chin on her head, caressing her back gently.

"My choice is the path where you are in it. If it cannot be then I don't need forever. I need you, my friend."

Faeryn wished she could cry. Her eyes stung and she knew if she talk, her voice would crack; Faeryn didn't even dare to breath out loud as she feared Thranduil would hear her sobs and tell that she was sad. So instead of saying something, Faeryn nodded to Thranduil's chest.

~●☆●~

"They will be here soon. Are you nervous?"  Looking to her side, Faeryn asked.

"I'll be alright. You are here." Without looking back, Thranduil answered; he slid his hand into hers and rubbed a circle on it.

They were sitting in Thranduil's throne room with no one else but the two friends, complete silence lingered in the air. Thranduil leaned back to his throne, Faeryn found a seat right under his feet on the stairs. For some reasons, she felt the room was getting colder and colder by each year, she also noticed how dim the place had become; it's been quite a long time since Faeryn last set foot in here and it strucked her unpleasantlyl how unfamiliar the room turned into.

"I really want to meet the princess." Faeryn said, she secretly added the enthusiasm to the comment. "I heard she's all the grace and beauty one could think of!"

"You do? I don't." Thranduil stated bluntly;  his cold monotone was icy and careless, Faeryn did not like the attitude for one bit as it was unthranduil, and eventhough she was nowhere close to enthusiasm herself, she did not appreciate the heartless him when it comes to Aerindel's royal.

"Do not use that tone to ruin the fellowship between two kingdoms, Thranduil." Faeryn rolled her eyes.

"You sounds just like my father."

The mention of Oropher sank the atmosphere into the depth of remembrance and despair. Faeryn crept closer and slowly, the elleth placed her head on the king's knee; his hand was caring for her braid.

"You are his greatest pride. I know it."

The elleth imagined Thranduil's smile when he heard it. He always had the brightest smile when it comes to his father; Faeryn understood the biggest goal of his life was no more than to be a great king as his father once was.

"Will I still be if I refuse his betrothal for me?" Thranduil asked absently.

Faeryn tilted her head and her eyes met with Thranduil's face. The elleth frowned disapprovingly. "You have agreed to think it through, Thranduil."

"What's the point when I already saw the end of it?"

"I know..." Faeryn exhaled. "... that I have no right to command your heart. But what I'm asking you, at least, is to show compassion. Even when it's not love then please let it be a welcome."

Thranduil looked at her and she her eyes never left his. "Can you do that?"

Warmth ran through her body as she felt one's skin brushed against her and then fitted her hand with their fingers.

Thranduil smiled. "I tought you how to dance. What more is impossible?"