what i never talked about

April 14, 1912

It was already dark outside when Harold came to his cabin. "I'm sorry", he said, "everything took a bit longer than I thought."

"I knew how to keep myself busy", I said, stood up from the bed and put this map-thing on the shelf. "I read your notes on being an officer and stuff."

"I don't really believe that it interested you", he smiled.

"It did. I just didn't understand much, sailor language, I don't speak that", I said.

He laughed and hugged me. Then he placed a kiss on my forehead and let go to get changed. I still had to figure out, how I could imagine a future with him. I knew him not even a week, but I knew that I want to spend my whole life with him. But I also don't want to leave Jack, he's the reason I'm alive. Jack is the most important human in my life, and then I walk around the corner, bump in an officer and Jack became the second most important human in my life. Jack will stay in America as soon as the ship docks, at least he will for quite a while, but Harold's from Wales and he'll go back when Titanic heads back to the UK. I don't want to leave Jack neither Harold. But I already knew that I'll stay with Hal, he's the love of my life and I need him.

"What are you thinking about?", he asked when he saw how I was staring out the porthole. He sat down at the top of his bed and pulled me to him.

"Future."

He chuckled. "Be honest, darling."

"I am. I just think about us. Somehow, I don't want to leave my brother, but I also don't want to leave you", I said. "See, you go back to Wales and Jack will stay in America. It's not that I can visit him daily then."

"But you can stay with him and one day, we're getting married and then you come to Wales", he said.

"No. I already told you, that I'll stay with you", I said.

"Then why are you still thinking about it?", he asked and kiss my cheek.

I shrugged. "I tend to overthink stuff."

The he laughed and kissed me. I snuggled up to his chest and listened to his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms closer around me and placed kisses all over my hair. Then I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Present

I stopped my narration for a bit. Because that what happened next, is my second worst nightmare, which followed me to sleep for nearly two decades. I smiled at my son and my grandchildren sitting in front of me and turned my head, to look out the window.

"Maybe we should continue this whole thing tomorrow", Jack said.

"Why do you always want to stop when she gets closer to the end?", Julia asked. "I mean, what happened that affects you that bad?"

"Listen, sweetheart, my mother nearly froze to death that day, neither one of us would be here right now, that affects me emotionally", Jack explained.

He was right, neither one of us would be here if I wouldn't have been ready to let my brother go forever. Officially, he never lived. He's not written down anywhere, he practically never existed. Which means, he also doesn't have a grave, but Harold did something in 1922, to the ten-year anniversary he decided to buy Jack a memorial stone on the graveyard. It's a small one because we couldn't spend too much money, but still, it's perfect.

"I'll end the narration today, son", I said and smiled at Julia and Paul. "Alright. The horror began with a shudder that woke us up around 23:40."

A/N: I know this chapter is a little short, but I really had little time to write, thanks to school. Another reason, why this chapter is so short, is because I liked the idea of putting the whole sinking into another chapter. I hope you still have enough patience with my irregular updating. Thanks for everyone who's reading. Xoxo, Anny.