what i never talked about

A Story Is Getting Told

"Paul, dear. Would you turn that up?"

"Of course, granny", he said and turned up the volume.

I looked closely at the pictures in the TV, they're showing the wreck of a famous ship. Famous since 1912. The Titanic. Seeing these pictures was shocking. Seeing the bow of this beautiful ship, made my heart ache. I remember, standing on the bow-railing as if it has been yesterday. I've just talked about this topic with my youngest son, not with my oldest daughter, my second daughter, my other son or my grandkids and as far as I know my husband also never told them. My husband. He died a bit over 40 years ago in 1944.

"What are you watching?", asked Julia, my granddaughter. She sat next to me and watched silently.

A man appeared in the TV he said some famous facts about Titanic. Ones like the band played until the very end and stuff. Which was true by the way, they did play until the very end.

„Take a look at the drawings we found just today in the cabin of Titanic's 5th Officer", the man, Christoph Lloyd said, „pieces of paper that have been under water for 75 years."

They showed the drawings and I-

"I'll be goddamned", I whispered to myself. Of course, Julia and Paul, her brother, my grandson, heard it. But not just they, also my youngest son Jack heard it.

"What is it, mum?", he asked calmly.

„These drawings were drawn by someone with the initials KD ", Lloyd said. „On the first one we see the bow of the ship, the ocean and the sunset. It's drawn in black and white, but we can reconstruct the ship from 75 years ago even better now, because on this drawing, we see the stern side of Titanic." They showed the picture from Titanic's stern side. Then they turned the camera to two drawings with a man on. I knew that it's the same man, even though he's seen on one of the drawings only from behind.

Christoph Lloyd continued his narration. "On this drawing we see an officer on duty, it's drawn with really fine details, so are the other three", he said. They made a close-up from both pictures.

"Oh, my", Jack said almost inaudible.

"What is it, dad?", Julia and Paul asked their father.

Jack looked at me and I smiled. He took a deep breath before he answered his kids. "You may not believe it, but this guy on the drawing is your grandfather, kids."

"What?!", Julia and Paul asked surprised. "Not possible."

"Why not, Jules?"

"Well, dad, this ship sank back in 1912, this dude must be over a hundred by now", she answered.

"A hundred and five, indeed", I said.

"How would you know when he was born, granny?", Paul asked confused.

"I know because I was married to him until he died in 1944", I said calmly. Sometimes I still grieve for him, but normally just on our wedding anniversary.

"Your grandmother was a passenger on Titanic. She and your granddad met there", Jack explained.

"You mean, you survived the sinking, granny?", Paul asked.

"I did, yes."

"Can- Can you tell us about it, granny? Please?", Julia asked me with big eyes.

"If you want to hear I can tell you about it, yes", I smiled.

"Mum, you don't have to. I remember the stories you told me pretty well, I can tell them. It could be too exhausting for you. I remember when you and dad told me the story, you cried a lot and you didn't because you knew dad was going to die soon."

"Jack Lowe! I hope I just misheard what you said!", I said strictly.

"I- I mean, of course you also cried because dad was going to die soon, but telling the story was quite hard for you."

"Of course, it was! How would you react if you see your brother's body sinking down to the Atlantic?!"

"WHAT?!", Julia and Paul screamed. I maybe said it a bit harsh, but I meant it. How would he react?

"Mum, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just- I'm worried about you, mum."

"Because I'm not the youngest anymore? Jack, am I allowed to remind you that you're also not the youngest anymore?"

"Mum, I'm 56, I wouldn't say that's old."

"Then take back what you said to Paul and me yesterday, dad", Julia said, "you know, when you said we're old."

"Okay, Paul, you're 27 you are not old. Julia, you're 20 you are not old."

"Good", Paul said, "you tell us the story now, granny?"

"Okay, let's see", I began, "it was the 10th of April 1912 and I was sitting in the Southampton Pub together with my brother, our best friend and three brothers from Sweden. We were playing poker, we bet all our money, and the three brothers bet three third-class tickets for Titanic ..."