what i never talked about

April 13, 1912

The dinner was quite satisfying. I would not say that it was the best I've ever eaten, but I mean, I didn't eat good stuff since a while, so it was the best. I believe, Jack thought the same, but honestly, he was a little bit distracted by Roses presence. I don't blame him; I like seeing my brother being in love and such.

Mrs. Brown was just telling a story, when her husband lightened the fire in the stove, but she actually hid money there, so he burned the money. I was leaning back in my chair, still trying to look elegant and well-behaved. I listened to the music; I don't know what they played, but I liked it. In the end it wasn't really my taste in music, I more liked the Irish Dance stuff.

While the others on the table were laughing at Mrs. Brown's story, Rose slightly leaned over to Jack and me and told us: "Next it'll be brandies in the smoking room."

And just as she ended her sentence, a man, I think his name was Archie, stood up and asked: "Well, join me in a brandy, gentlemen?"

Rose smiled, lifted her eyebrows and shook her head a little. "Now they retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe."

I smiled and shook my head too; typical men, thinking they're the kings over everything.

"Ladies, thank you for the pleasure of your company", Mr. Ismay said smiling, I'm sure he was the one who felt like the boss of everything.

Yeah, I thought, it was a pleasure to please you old men while dinner. I wanted to laugh for my thought, but I didn't, you know, well-behaved and such.

While that, Cal asked Rose if he should escort her back to her room, but she decided to stay a bit longer. I recognized that her fiancée wasn't fully happy with her answer. The same time, Jack stood up and gave Molly a pen back. He wrote a note for Rose. He gave me his hand and I pulled me up, for god's sake why is it so hard to stand on those shoes?

"Joining us, Dawson?", Archie asked my brother. "You don't want to stay out here with the women, do you?"

For that, I would've loved to beat him. What's that supposed to mean? You don't want to stay out here with the women. I hate this man. This suit-wearing douchebag.

"No, thanks. I've got to be heading back."

"Probably best", Cal said, "it'll be all business and politics that sort of thing – wouldn't interest you."

Then he went past us. I twisted my eyes and slowly pulled Jack to Rose. "Jack, Kathy, must you go?"

"Time for us to go row with the other slaves", he answered. She chuckled. "Good night, Rose." He pulled her hand for a kiss and left the note in her hand.

I already turned around, so I didn't know her reaction, but I didn't need to.

I walked up the grand staircase, but Jack stopped. "Are you coming?"

"I'll wait for Rose", he said.

"Ah, well. See you later, okay?"

"Yeah."

So, I continued walking up not thinking where I was going. Tommy told me earlier, that there'll be a party under deck. Since I'm third-class I have to go there anyways, I'll go to the party. I also don't think I could easily sleep if there's music in the dining room all night.

When I arrived at the top of the stair, I walked out on deck heading to the third-class entrance. I just wanted to turn around the corner and –