what i never talked about

April 13, 1912

A servant opened the beautiful door which lead to the grand-staircase and Jack and I passed the door. The man closed the door behind us. For a very short second my mouth opened in amazement. Arm-linked Jack and I walked to the handrail and looked down. It was so beautiful. We went down the first staircase and we looked at the clock. Next to the clock were two angels which were carved into the wood. Beautiful. Then we stepped down the second staircase. We leaned, still arm-linked, on a pillar and watched the other first-class people. My brother and I tried to behave like them, so we paid attention to their poses and tried to imitate them. We took our example from an older married couple. The man had his left arm behind his back, so Jack put his left arm behind his back. The lady just had her right arm on her side, so I put mine to my side. When the couple walked past us, we smiled at them, so did they. As soon as they walked past, we turned around and tried to imitate them again. Jack put his right hand in front of his underbelly, as the man did. I linked my left arm with his right arm. I was convinced that we looked just like the first-class people. We turned to the staircase again and saw Mr. Hockley and Mrs. DeWitt Bukater coming down the stairs. We walked to them and tried to get their attention but unsuccessful. Jack imitated Mr. Hockley who walked straight to the so-called Countess, whoever she was. I grinned while Jack imitated the man but when I looked up the staircase, I saw Rose, she was smiling. I nudged Jacks side and pointed to the staircase with my thumb. He saw Rose and I knew that he would only have eyes for her that night. I unlinked my arm from his and we turned to the stairs. Rose stepped down the stairs and Jack kissed her hand. "I saw that in a nickelodeon and always wanted to do it." Rose laughed and I smiled. I remembered the day we were in a nickelodeon. Not quite my thing. Rose linked her arm with Jack's, and I told them I'd rather walked with my arms unlinked.

We went to Rose's mother and her fiancée. "Darling", Rose said to Cal who turned to her, "surely you remember Mr. and Miss Dawson."

Her mother turned around too, and her smile vanished as she saw my brother. Cal turned to Jack. "It's amazing. You could almost pass for a gentleman. And you", he turned to me, "you could almost pass for a lady."

We looked at him, with no special facial expressions. "Almost", we said with one voice.

"This is extraordinary", Mr. Hockley said and Mrs. DeWitt Bukater linked her arm with her daughter's fiancée.

We stepped down the wooden staircase to the first-class dining room. This was breathtaking. So beautiful. Rose pointed out a few people and told us who they were.

"There's the Countess of Rothes", she said, it was the woman who got the hand kiss from Cal earlier. Rose turned and showed us a couple. "That's John Jacob Astor", she turned back to us, "the richest man on board. His little wifey, Madeleine, is my age and in a delicate condition." We all turned to Mr. Astor and his wife. "See how she tries to hide it. Quite the scandal", Rose said, and I grinned.

Then she looked to another man and another woman. "Benjamin Guggenheim and his mistress, Madame Aubert. Mrs. Guggenheim is at home with the children, of course. And over here", she looked to the people which were with Rose's fiancée and her mother, "Sir Cosmo and Lucile, Lady Duff-Gordon. She designs naughty lingerie, among her many talents. Very popular with the royals."

"Escort a lady to dinner?", Mrs. Brown, who suddenly stood next to us, asked Jack.

"Certainly", Jack said and offered his other arm to Mrs. Brown. I walked behind Jack, which was more than okay to me. Maybe I wouldn't get this much attention then.

"Ain't nothing to it", Molly said to my brother and me, "They love money. Pretend like you own a gold mine and you're in the club."

Molly greeted Mr. Astor. He looked at us. "Hello, Molly. Nice to see you."

"J.J., Madeleine, I'd like you to meet Jack and Kathy Dawson", Rose introduced us to the couple. She unlinked arms with Jack, and he shook hands with Madeleine, so did I.

"Well", Mr. Astor said to us while giving us a handshake, "are you of the Boston Dawson's?"

Jack inhaled. "No, the Chippewa Falls Dawson's, actually." I nodded .

"Oh, yes", J.J. said.

Then we went to a big table. I sat down next to Jack, who sat next to Molly. Next to me, on the other side, sat the Countess.

"Tell us of the accommodations in steerage, Mr. Dawson. I hear they're quite good", Rose's mother said to Jack.

Jack looked at her a few seconds. "The best I've seen, ma'am. Hardly any rats."

The people on the table chuckled a bit. Mr. Hockley chuckled shortly and introduced us. "Mr. Dawson and his sister are joining us from third class. Mr. Dawson was of help to my fiancée last night."

"It happens that Mr. Dawson is quite a fine artist. He showed me some of his work today", Rose said. I kind of regret not showing her some of my drawings.

"Rose and I differ in our definition of fine art. Not to impugn your work, sir", Cal said.

Some waiters came and I looked at the table. There was a plate and many several-sized spoons, graves and knives. Jack asked Molly if this was all ours and she said that we should just start from the outside and work in.

"He knows every rivet in her", now I listened to what Mr. Ismay was talking about.

"Your ship is a wonder, Mr. Andrews", Rose complimented Mr. Thomas Andrews, the builder of the ship.

"Thank you, Rose", he said to her.

"Where exactly do you live, Mr. Dawson?", Mrs. DeWitt Bukater asked.

"Right now, our address is the RMS Titanic", he answered for him and me, "After that, we're on God's good humor."

"How do you have means to travel?", she continued to ask.

"We work our way from place to place. Tramp steamers and such. We won our ticket on Titanic at two lucky hands at poker. Two very lucky hands."

"Well actually", I said, "Jack won the tickets for us. I'll never have such a lucky hand as my brother." He smiled.

"All life is a game of luck", a man I remembered from last night said.

Cal shook his head. "A real man makes his own luck. Right, Dawson?"

Jack nodded affirmatively to him.

"I understood right that you both worked your way from place to place", Mr. Ismay said, "how exactly was that possible, Miss Dawson?"

I cleared my throat. "I dressed up as a man. I cut my hair very short, just like Jack's and he gave me some of his clothes to wear."

"Extraordinary", Mr. Ismay said and the whole table smiled at me. Except for Cal and Rose's mother. She turned to Jack. "And you find that sort of rootless existence appealing?"

He looked at me and I nodded. He turned to Mrs. DeWitt Bukater. "Yes, ma'am, we do. We've got everything we need right here with us. We have air in our lungs and blank sheets of paper. I love waking up, not knowing what will happen or who I'll meet", he took a bite from his roll, "or where I'll wind up."

"And you think so too, Miss Dawson", Rose's mother asked me.

"I do, ma'am. One night we were sleeping under a bridge now we're on the grandest ship in the world, having champagne with you fine people. Life's a gift. My brother and I don't intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you'll get dealt next", I said and took a sip of my champagne.

"You take life as it comes at you. Here, Cal", Jack said and threw a matchbox to Cal, who was up to smoke, "Make each day count."

"Well said", Molly said to us.

"To making it count", Rose said, and she raised her champagne glass.

"To making it count", the other people and I said. Everyone raised their glass.