beautiful betrayals | eren jaeger

1.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for episodes 64-65 of season 4. If you have not read the manga or watched these episodes please don't read if you don't want to be spoiled!! ⚠️

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the sun halted in the horizon, the wind blowing slightly in the air, it was an average day to most people, yet another day filled with anxiousness and regret for you. you still remembered his face ever so clearly. his hair blew in the wind that day, his eyes sparkled, revealing his ocean tinted blue eyes that pierced into yours any chance they had. your whole childhood through teenage hood you've lived inside the walls, unbeknownst among your friends that you weren't there because you were from there like them.

if it weren't for reiner convincing you annie and bertholdt to go to the objective you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be in the position you were in right now. part of you wished you'd have left right then and there, but part of you protested the very idea. if it weren't for reiner, you wouldn't have met eren jaeger. but if it weren't for reiner, you wouldn't be feeling the burden of guilt and regret sting you everyday at the fact.

the cost of being a hero to your own people came at the pain of gaining the trust of many unsuspecting people, innocent civilians, children, your friends. they put their trust in you in hopes you'd have their backs and keep them safe. it was something that plagued your mind almost every waking day. and it was no secret that it plagued reiner just as badly too. you could tell by the way he looked at udo, zofia, falco and gabi.

as much as the regrets ate you away, you were forever thankful to be home once more, with your little brother udo to keep your mind at bay from the boy on paradis island that gripped your heart. you never expected anything like this to happen, bertholdt had repeatedly warned both you and reiner of the true objective at hand, at times it felt like he was the responsible one most of the time. it was only one of your biggest regrets that you weren't able to save him from his sudden demise.

only you and reiner were the two that had returned to marley, bertholdt being dead, and annie being crystalized. reiner had offered to take her with you, but you protested the idea, offering to flee as soon as possible. that wasn't even one of your biggest regrets. your biggest however, is letting eren jaeger squirm his way into your mind and heart. bertholdt had noticed this many times, and continued to carry the weight of the mission in his hands while you and reiner seemingly forgot about the mission all together.

you sat at the dock, staring off into the water, watching the boats in the distance, upon feeling the wind blow through your hair once more. you let out a sigh, looking at your reflection in the water. is this really what you wanted? are you proud of what you've accomplished? gabi has been labeled a hero, shouldn't you be happy? shouldn't you feel glad for udo's participation? shouldn't you feel content and at home? where is your home? why are you here?

you suddenly felt a prescience next to you, turning to your side, it was udo. "you've been sitting here a while," he spoke to you, smiling a bit. you looked back into the water, deep in your thoughts. "udo." you began, swallowing the lump in your dry throat. "do you think all of this is worth the praise?" udo looked at you cautiously, seeing you fiddle with your arm sleeve on your white jacket.

udo instinctively grabbed your hand in his smaller ones, resting his head on your shoulder. "i know the mission wasn't easy for you to complete, y/n." he softly spoke, looking out to where your head led off to. "i know you had to carry many burdens, i'm sure reiner wasn't easy to work with in those years you've been gone. but i'm glad your back. it was lonely being the only sibling." you looked down at him, gently ruffling his hair.