beautiful betrayals | eren jaeger

10.

Hello, sorry for not updating, I've been a bit busy! I hope you enjoy and like always, spoiler warning for newest episodes!!
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your blood ran cold, your hands visibly becoming clammy, your breathing staggered. in front of you, sat eren jaeger. yet again, he had an unreadable expression on his face. you hated it, how much he's changed the past few years, it's like the old eren never even existed, what once was a beaming bright 15 year old boy, was now a numb shell of a man in front of you.

you paid close attention to the blood that leaked from his hand, and then looking back to gabi, who had frozen in her spot. at that moment, you feared for her, your only here to protect her, to keep her from the gory demise that awaits her, from the similar fate most of your comerades suffered. but at what cost? you were no longer free, it wasn't like you ever were free at all, constantly at war with your trauma.

hectic scenarios and words were constantly thrown at you, it was impossible to even sleep at night. you had nobody to blame but yourself, letting eren jaeger get in the way of your mission. if it were up to you, you would have turned your back against reiner and bertholdt right then and there. unfortunately, like anyone troubled by what they really desire, you couldn't give up on the two people you've trained with for that your whole life for some boy.

but god, how you wanted to just run into his arms, and maybe lie one last time to him just to stay in his prescience, and maybe then you wouldn't be in so much agonizing pain. maybe if you had run to him when you had the chance you'd spare your peoples lives, your brother might still be alive, only wondering when you ever were to return forevermore, and you seemed fine with that.

it did seem inevitable that only you could have avoided this fate, eren probably would have carried out with it anyways, after all, he did tell you how much reiner's encouragement meant to him. he really looked up to him somehow, you'd never seen someone so devoted to one particular goal, only having being used to having your goals manipulated into your ideals.

it pained your chest just looking at eren let alone being next to him, because all you hear when you'd look at him is his pained screams from that day. you wanted to forget, you wished it never happened at all. reiner did partake in attempting to help you forget about everything, but it didn't help in the slightest. even with others, you'd never be able to get over him, and it was your fault.

bertholdt told you it would only burden the mission, and that's exactly what it did. your mission seemingly failed, even after all your efforts, all your sacrifices, killing the one person who only wanted to talk. his horrifying cries play over and over in your head, not only did it hurt facing eren, it hurt facing anyone on paradis, because you knew, you'd taken away the people they loved most, because you were a fraud.

"i just want to talk with you guys,"

you quickly found your way back to reality, looking back up to eren, who by now had seemingly ignored your entire existence at the moment, the only thing he was focused on was mikasa. gabi sat silently still, too in shock to say or do anything other than shakily breathe. you probably had a good idea of what she was feeling or thinking, so this is eren jaeger. the man who killed your people and trampled your homes.

you kept your head down, not daring to look back at eren any longer. it really did pain you to see him this way, he had no expression on his face, his eyes were dull and unmoving, his voice now simmered down to a monotone patch in his speech. and it was your fault. armin looked up to eren, opening his mouth, hesitating for a few minutes, the agonizing silence yet to be broken.