Darkness

Six feet under

Graveyards were always creepier at night.

The darkness filled the space between each gravestone and consumed all light that tried to surface. Coldness completed the emptiness I felt while sat at his grave once again. Every day after he was buried, I struggled to leave my bed, my room. My energy was lost, but they days I could move, I came here to mourn the best friend I had lost what had felt like an eternity ago.

You'd think memories you've had would be more dominant once they had gone, the thoughts that couldn't escape your mind as you miss their presence, but death left an emptiness in your life. I could no longer think of the hours, days and months we had shared together, the years of knowledge and happiness had meant nothing. The arguments were meaningless as he wasn't here, beside me, guiding me. All the good times I begged to hold onto had faded to the deepest parts of my mind, I could no longer see the face that calmed my nerves, the smile that made me smile. The eyes that made me melt, the love that saved me. The love I never had, he was my family. My everything. And with the rest of my gang in fear, I could no longer convince them everything would be okay. He was my saviour and I needed him.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you. It's been a while since I left my bed." I giggle between soft sniffles, wondering to myself if he could even hear me or if he was with me right now. Telling me it would be okay. Telling me I need to put them first and get over the shitty emotions I couldn't control. But all the emotions I had lost once he left had returned, it was ironic how he had been the first person to make me feel something and yet he was the one who destroyed that for me.

Laughter abrupt from the street behind me, as a group of teenagers drunkenly made their way home. I had missed that life, the fun I had as a somewhat normal teenager, the girl who would constantly be out partying and drinking. The fun version of myself, the manic. But the laughter I created turned into fear, the dancing and amusement became anger, fights and constant problems in the town.

The problems I caused no longer mattered as I sat here on the concrete, replaying the worst night of my life over and over again. I felt the cool breeze brush my skin. The hour gradually changing as my position stayed the same, not knowing where to go next or what to do. The images of the mysterious man's Angel wing neck tattoo blurs between each tear, as I try to control my breath. My sadness prompted anger suddenly as my blood boiled at the thought of him pulling the trigger, the smirk it had created as he took the life of an innocent man. Well as innocent as a gang member could be.

It was nothing, I would say in hope that those still in contact would stop worrying. Nonetheless, I felt the same. A numbing sensation that created chaos. I could no longer feel any emotion other than anger, the pain had left as I had lost all understanding of guilt, sympathy, happiness and sadness. The idiotic construction of emotions made me chuckle as I knew how I could make this all go away.

"I will get my revenge." I promise, knowing my words meant nothing to someone who was six feet under.

The idea of death consumed my mind, the complexity of the structure that no one will ever completely understand until they die made me drift into a daze. My eyelids flutter slowly, simultaneously I rest my head next to his grave as the tiredness overwhelms me, I was met with darkness and I drifted into a deep sleep, planning my next kill.