𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞↬ [JeanxFemReader]

Chapter 5

"I'm sorry, YOU KISSED WHO?!" She shouts.

All eyes in the girl's barracks turn towards Mikasa and I, wanting to make sure they heard possibly new gossip correctly for this week.

"You idiot, I'm telling you my secret ordeal and you're yelling out your shock?" I say in a somewhat hush tone, annoyed she hollered what I just confessed to her.

"Wath seethret oredeel?" Sasha chimes in walking towards us, face full of crumbs and a mouth stuffed with bread.

"SASHA, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU, Y/N KI-Mmph!" I had to slap my hand over her blabbering head ass.

"Mikasa girl, what did I JUST say?" I grumbled, regretting telling this chatterbox as she kisses my hand on her mouth, pretending to pout so I can forgive her.

"Wait Mikasa, finish that sentence, kissed or killed?"  Sasha says nonchalant, while wiping her face crumbs with the back of her hand.

"Umm, wHy would you think that?" I interjected, not knowing if that was a good thing.

"Oh y/n, YOU can get scary like- have you seen yourself at training?" Sasha remarks.

"For your information, I'm taking that as a compliment~" I reply. "But c'mon, let me tell you everything."

And so I told Sasha what had happened. I also briefed them both on how I knew Jean, telling them how he tormented me all throughout grade school, and how feelings I've been having for him for these weeks have been slowly growing stronger the more I was around him, and how that scared me.

"Holy shit y/n, all of this was going on yet you didn't tell us?" Sasha observed with a forlorn look.

"I'm sorry it's just, I wanted to be sure of how I felt but with what happened today, I just had to tell you guys."

It was past curfew and everyone was sound asleep except us three, leaving the barracks to appear to dormant and dark apart from a tiny lit oil lamp by our beds which we all huddled around for light.

"So what happens from here? I mean, you guys did kiss for a reason." Mikasa inquired.

"I know but, I don't know if that's because I have genuine feelings for him. I don't trust these emotions of mine, it's only been a little over a month. Maybe I just imagined him liking me back for my own benefit."

Both Mikasa and Sasha look at each other before asking me with hesitation. "Imagine? What do you mean?" Sasha queried.

"In grade school, I always wondered why he treated me awfully when we have known each other for so long. I even had a silly little crush on him growing up. Now that he is treating me nicely, I can't help but ask why. Is it because I'm not big anymore? Am I prettier for him now? Do I actually like him or do I just like the Jean I created in my head?" I stop as I stared at them with an insightful gaze. I feel as if everyone has gone through these questions in life asking "do I really like them?" And I don't think We'll ever figure out the answer anyway.

"Did I kiss him so I would please my younger self? Or did I have that real attraction towards him? I'm honestly scared that this is some big prank, like the ones he use to pull on me in school. I know I'm going on with all this eccentric thinking of mine, but I don't want myself to get hurt. I can't handle that. Not yet."

Mikasa grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "I think this is something you have to figure out on your own." I looked up at Mikasa and smiled when Sasha pulled us both into a hug.

"Thank you." I whispered to the both of them. I was glad that I was able to vent my bottled up feelings, it was not even to get advice back, but just to know people were listening to what you were going through meant a lot.

"UGH I LOVE YOU GUYS~" Sasha said in a somewhat quiet tone as we hushed then laughed at her while continuing to embrace each other.

A few days after the kiss.

You know what? Being on horse duty isn't so bad. I mean, getting to hang out with animals while avoiding the daily morning forest runs in rained on mud sounds like a win-win to me. Besides, the stables always carried a tranquil atmosphere. The rain made a pleasant background noise for me while I gave the horses fresh hay for breakfast.

I leaned against one of the old wooden stalls, smiling as I watched a recently newborn foal nurse from its mom. The calming ambience of the a.m feeding was unfortunately ruined by an irritated presence at the entrance of the stables.

Just my luck.

"Good morning Jean." I say with a smile, totally trying not to act like not long ago, we were not too far from almost making out.

He mumbled something in reply, acknowledging my presence but making it clear he wasn't going to talk to me.

He's mad.

Shoot.

Knowing I was going to bring up what happened, he waved me off, going to the equipment shed to retrieve grooming supplies while ignoring me standing awkwardly in the middle of the barn, not knowing what to do with this uncomfortable atmosphere.

I was still unsure about my feelings for him and seeing him now made it so much worse. It was continuously pouring when he arrived, so he showed up drenched, his white shirt now translucent, showing off his toned and muscular midriff. His olive skin peered through the shirt as droplets of water came from the ends of his spikey brown hair. This made it so hard for me to concentrate and tell him about what I felt. I stood in front of him as he sat on a stool, brushing a horse's mane while attempting to disregarding my existence.

"Jean, I-" he jumped up from his seat.

"NO! You don't get to act like you made a mistake with me. Let me get this straight: You kissed me. I kissed you back. And now you're about to apologize about how you weren't thinking clearly and how we should just ignore what happened that day, am I right?"

I stood there in shock as he stared at me, unalloyed frustration in those hazel eyes of his.

He read me like a book. What do I say now?

My mouth opened, as if trying to get a word in, but he continued to speak. "Remember the graduation ceremony? When I first saw you? You told me all about how you and I should be nothing to each other, and I believed you. Then later in the heat of the moment, you kiss me? To come and tell me this later? I don't deserve tha-"

"WELL GUESS WHAT? I DIDN'T DESERVE THOSE SIX YEARS WHERE YOU MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!" I yelled in retaliation.

He stepped back, stunned that I said something back. We both stood, staring at each other while breathing heavily from arguing until Jean turned to look away. He made a "tch" noise as he threw the grooming brush he had been holding to the ground.

"Whatever." He muttered as he walked past me without a glance, leaving the stables. I watched until his broad shoulders disappeared into the hazy mist of the outside. I could feel the tears slowly go down my face as I sat on my heels, bringing my knees to my face as I wrapped my arms around them and sobbed.

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A/N: this ones a bit shorter but oh well:)
No one:
Me and drama: *shake hands*