A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

138. Parting Ways

Thorin's POV

I stood with the Company in front of the gates of Erebor, a pony and a horse saddled and waiting in the dawn light through the open gates. I looked down at Philomena against my side, not at all bothered with how much she seems to gravitate into my arms recently, though the reasons behind why tug painfully at my heart for my One.

I know she is suffering, yet I am afraid to try and force her to let out her pain. After seeing how such mental strain affected my grandfather, and my father, I knew that this was not something I could merely force to reveal itself and fight off. No, all I can do is be there for Philomena, show her love and care, and keep her mind occupied and off of darker thoughts. Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur had an idea of how to help with that and I agreed it was for the best, Philomena should not be left alone to her thoughts. We all could see the strain she was under, though she was doing an excellent job of hiding it.

I can only hope that, one day, I might see the fiery female with the stubborn, bullheaded attitude I fell in love with. I can see she is trying very hard to be herself, but all of us haven't missed the strain it is putting on her. But, if there is one thing I love the most about Philomena is that she never backs away from a challenge, never. I just have to hope she can find a way to push back that emotions she is suffering under, and let her know she is no longer alone, and I will never let her think she is alone again. I tightened my hold on Philomena as she subtly leaned more into my side, not enough to be visible but I also understood that my presence helped keep her mind off of darker thoughts. That is another reason why I am not bothered with how much Philomena has gravitated to my presence recently. I still feel, at times, that I do not deserve the love she gives me after what I did, but I will do my best, for the rest of my life, to make up for that.

I watched, with the rest of the Company, as Gandalf and Bilbo finished saddling up their horses, Bilbo adding the trinkets and things he has collected on this journey as I thought of the hobbit I thought wouldn't last a day in the wilderness when I first met him and the hobbit who is here now. We all have changed, every single one of us have changed on this journey, the hobbit helped me realize that there are times one must remember the simpler things, the simpler lifestyles out across the world. Being a Prince, a lord, and now a king, I never once had the experience of such a simple life, yet Bilbo helped me see that one must not be judged by looks alone. I never would have imagined, at the beginning of this adventure, how far the hobbit would go.

I glanced down at Philomena's slightly tamed mess of red hair. I was a bit sad to see the ends trimmed in weird places, but there was just some of her hair that Tauriel could not save from the blood and gore that caked every inch of Philomena's armor, face, and hair after the battle. From various stories I have picked up from dwarves and men alike, Philomena was in the worst points of the battle at every turn. I am most grateful to Mahal that he fulfilled my quiet prayer and returned her to me once the battle was over. But I also understand that, while Philomena is a fighter, she always fought alone in the past, and did not see those she knew, protected, and care for fall under her command. She may have lived an adventurous lifestyle, but never did she have others around her.

Until now.

I fear what she is not showing in mental scars. I know of many who have a hard time distinguishing between safety and danger after such battles. She was more in the thick of the battle than any of us present in the company.

Philomena looked up at me, I guess sensing my eyes focused on her and I quickly cleared my worried expression as her grey blue eyes met mine. A slight scowl formed on her face and she glared at me like she knew exactly what I was thinking and was telling me to stop, making me smirk at the small, but very Philomena like action.