A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

111. Hope

I don't know how long I sat in that corner, curled up on the damp ground. The snows had slowed so the snow upon the ground has melted, the temperature is still very cold but more easily handled now. I felt like walking warg food to be honest, mud, dirt, leaves, branches and who knows what else covered about every inch of my body as I really couldn't bathe in this place, what water we can get from the well is already half way frozen and to wash yourself with that would be asking for frostbite. I had been only eating a little, to much was on my mind and stress and worry caused it to be hard for me to eat much of anything. I ate enough to get by.

Exhaustion pulled at my eyelids from so much stress. I had gotten some sleep recently, but not enough to be healthy. I felt nearly as bad as my fifth winter on my own away from Rivendell, but no where near as bad as I felt my first winter away from Rivendell, I messed up big on that winter, I was lucky I even survived it.

I brought the crumpled up cloak closer to my face, able to pick up just the faintest of scents from it that reminded me of Thorin. It's been my cloak for so long it smelled more of me than it did of him. I had long since cried myself out, even fell asleep for a while before waking up. Now I just sat in silence. I was only somewhat aware of Fairfin sitting on a windowsill nearby and I felt bad for how much I have ignored the raven recently. Fairfin is my closest friend, and my family, and, in my stress and my worries, I have been ignoring my best friend.

"Fairfin? Can you come here?" I croaked out in a rough tone from crying, the raven looked up and croaked happily, flying over on his bright white wings as he landed up my knee, tilting his body down so a single blue eye could look at me. I smiled at him reaching out with my free hand and smoothing his back feathers as well as to show him my gratitude for how much he has been helping me recently without expecting a reward. Soon he hopped inside my curled up form as I grinned, remembering how he did this as a hatchling to feel safe and warm. I threw my cloak over my knees but kept the hood out of the way as Fairfin poked up his head from the protective cocoon I made around him.

I chuckled, reaching out and petting his head as he stared up at me, remembering a time when he was small and a little ball of grey down and he loved to do this and feel safe. It's the closest I ever could get to giving my raven a hug. I am unsure of how long we both sat there, Fairfin soothing me by being Fairfin when I suddenly heard a distant commotion inside Dale. I carefully stood, moving Fairfin to my arm as he crawled up to my shoulder while I put on Thorin's cloak and then threw mine over it as I pulled up my hood, wanting to hide the redness of my eyes but I do need to see what is happening in Dale. The farther I walked down the streets, the more I could hear the people of Dale happily and almost relieved voices.

I silently walked among then and it felt weird feeling so many eyes on me. Fairfin sat on my shoulder and my red hair was sticking like a mess outside of the hood of my cloak, plus my statue I can't really hide in this crowd. Yet, I noticed many staring at me in relief. Why? I haven't done anything the will help them survive the coming battle, there is little I can do much fight for them. All I have is my sword Calcatius, my knives, and a stolen bow from Erebor but no arrows.

I walked farther into the city and noticed the elf guard that returned me my weapons was standing nearby my tent, looking worried. Then he look up and spotted me with relief as I approached quietly.

"Lady Philomena, My King Thranduil has requested your presence in an urgent matter. I was worried to see you were not at your tent." He said, making me smile a touch as I turned and went towards Thranduil's tent, wondering what it is Thranduil wants from me now. To try again? I already tried and broke myself down to pieces doing so and I am not eager to ever do that again. I don't know how much help I will be in planning for the coming battle, I may be good a strategy but I know little to nothing about coordinating an army of humans and elves.